I want to want children, anyone else the same?

Curious_George_2

euronorris wrote: »

I find people do the same with food. They cannot understand why you don't like something they love. I've had people try to convince me to 'just try' cheese when I'm allergic to the stuff. It's not as if trying it again will make the allergy disappear! lol

that made me laugh... (off topic!)
when i used to work in the supermarket people would often ask me what something was like etc (like i had tried every product in the shop as part of my training)
this woman asked me what this ready meal curry was like and i said something along the lines of sorry i dont know, i dont like curry
she grimaced at the box and put it back!!!
no love...YOU like curry... *I* dont!

it made me reaslise some people really have no mind of their own!

euronorris

I know, weird right?! I've had a couple of people 'hide' cheese in a meal they've made me, hoping I won't notice as they haven't believed that I'm allergic. That is, until about 5 minutes later when I am being violently sick. Needless to say, friendships with said people didn't last much longer. Who wants to be friends with someone who forces something like that on you?

Who cares if I don't like cheese?

Who cares if I want children or don't want children? The only person who should be bothered by that is my OH.

I don't get it. Well, I kinda do with the kids thing. I understand how people could think you might be missing out and so, in their eyes, they're helping you. Still wrong, but I do understand where they are coming from. They just need to accept that their opinion and experiences in life are not the same as everyone elses.

Person_one

euronorris wrote: »

Agreed postingalwaysposting.

I find people do the same with food. They cannot understand why you don't like something they love. I've had people try to convince me to 'just try' cheese when I'm allergic to the stuff. It's not as if trying it again will make the allergy disappear! lol

Also O/T, this reminds me of my poor OHs hope that I'll be able to get rid of my cat allergy with sheer willpower! Sadly we won't be able to get a kitten to try out our nurturing abilities on.

Dormouse

Dee123 wrote: »

Did you ever consider that women who's body clock doesn't kick in might be the more stable ones as they are not being overwhelmed by hormones telling them to do something?

ceridwen wrote: »

she will achieve so much less than she is capable of" and felt disappointed that everyone else has lost so much to "mummyhood" from such a capable young woman.

glossgal wrote: »

the conventional bores who can't see past the stereotypical lifestyle. The most interesting people I know are childless anyway

Just a few reasons why I felt this thread is slagging off parents - or mothers in particular. We have been called hormonally unstable, boring under-achievers - need I say more?

Personally, I don't give a monkey's whether other people have 1, 5, 10 or no children, and I don't expect an explanation or justification for their decision, nor am I particularly interested. I just don't know why some people's justifications have to be offensive. Whatever happened to "live and let live"?

And my final point is regarding the 'not reaching their full potential' bit. Granted, a lot of mothers will put their careers on hold for the sake of their chidlren, but in doing that, are they not helping someone else reach their potential?

mumslave

Dormouse wrote: »

I thought this would be an interesting read, but it turned out to be a parent-slagging thread.

Anyway, what do I know, I'll just drag away my severely damaged body and my non-existent brain, back to my boring and unfulfilled life, which will ultimately result in a divorce. :eek::rotfl:

Aww do you really care if that IS what others think? I know people take one look at me, with my family and presume chav on benefits with kids to different fathers (25 with 4 kids oh the shame)...couldnt be further from the truth :rotfl: but it never fails to amuse me. You can either laugh at daft opinions like that and mothers being brainless etc or let it get you down, I know what I do!

Anyways, I have a friend whom never wants children, and I have a friend whom desperately wants them. I can understand both points of view and I dont think its selfish to not have kids...nor do I think its selfish to have them. Its really down to each individual and their partners to decide, noone can convince you its a good/bad idea. All the preparation in the world doesnt actually really prepare you for the shock of your first child arriving! I know of ladies whom really wanted a child, tried for years and years, finally had one and got post natal depression, hated being a mum! Others whom never dreamed of having children, having them and loving it. I dont think you can really know, until you actually have one.

glossgal

Dormouse wrote: »

Just a few reasons why I felt this thread is slagging off parents - or mothers in particular. We have been called hormonally unstable, boring under-achievers - need I say more?

Personally, I don't give a monkey's whether other people have 1, 5, 10 or no children, and I don't expect an explanation or justification for their decision, nor am I particularly interested. I just don't know why some people's justifications have to be offensive. Whatever happened to "live and let live"?

And my final point is regarding the 'not reaching their full potential' bit. Granted, a lot of mothers will put their careers on hold for the sake of their chidlren, but in doing that, are they not helping someone else reach their potential?

Seeing as you've quoted me, I thought fair to respond. The reason why people without kids may appear dismissive of parents is probably after years of tiresome comments. I have nowt against parents and know some thoroughly lovely ones but whether you like it or not it is a conventional and cliched expectation of women. I don't want to do what's expected of me for the sake of it, not to be rebellious but to be sure Im not cheating myself. I dont want to lose my identity as a person and become 'a mum' (and whether you'd admit it or not loads of mothers are totally incapable of discussing anything other than their kids, it is boring beyond belief ,sorry). So in that sense it is a stereotype, to me anyway.

The number of people without kids will only grow as time goes on and I think those who are uncomfortable with the idea that people don't want or like kids (one of the last taboos methinks!) need to get used to hearing about it.

ceridwen

catkins wrote: »

If everyone keeps having children, especially if they have large families how is there going to be enough jobs, housing, food etc etc etc? Why do people not get overpopulation? It's no good banging on about recycling, using the car less etc if the population continues to rise. I think childfree couples should get the benefits not people with children

Any minute now I can feel the comment coming on from someone to the effect of "gotta keep the human race going....." - errrr.......no-one has ever yet explained WHY to me about that one:rotfl::rotfl:It just gets taken by some people as self-evidently good - when actually every other species on the Planet and Gaia herself would more than likely "breathe a huge sigh of relief" at not having us here if it came to it....:cool:.

Seriously though - very few people seem to get that it basically doesnt matter very much at all what people do or dont do - as long as there arent many people in the first place (ie no overpopulation). I do sometimes wonder why I bother trying at being at all "green" - when the next thing I know is someone else will be busy expecting to be congratulated on having another child (when they've already had two). I can be tactful sometimes - I just keep my mouth shut and say nothing at all at that point...

ceridwen

catkins wrote: »

What rubbish! We cannot just go on and on having children because it is irresponsible, especially to have more than 2. The world is OVERPOPULATED - why can people not see that?

Because they dont WANT to see it. The phrase comes to mind "you can take a horse to water - but you cant make it drink".

I presume it comes in the same category as a good friend trying to tell someone that her husband is being unfaithful. If the friend doesnt WANT to believe her - then she simply wont - no matter how much evidence to the contrary is provided. The other phrase that comes to mind is "theres none so blind as those that will not see".

ceridwen

catkins wrote: »

I do not have children although I like children very much. Myself and my husband decided for many reasons not to have them, not least the fact that the world is overpopulated and we do not want to add to that.

I have been married over 30 years and am in my mid 50's. I can honestly say I have never ever regretted not having children (most of my family and friends told me I would!) but I have met many woman (and men) who do regret having children. I know which group I would rather be in.

Good for you.

I must say the only reason I could actually think of to HAVE children would be to help counterbalance all the unwanted/unloved/etc ones that there are. It is good to see children that are obviously loved/cared for/etc - and it is very easy to see the difference between these children and the ones that seem to have been born more out of "accident"/or to provide a Social Welfare mealticket for the mother.

But I felt the fact that there would have been two more children in the world that would have clearly been well-fed/well-educated/generally cared for and well brought-up to help counterbalance all the poor little unwanted mites brought into the world by those people who really shouldnt have been parents in the first place wasnt a good enough reason on its own for me to have them.

ceridwen

Fuzzy_Duck wrote: »

If you do decide kids aren't for you, don't let people bully you into it. If you do want babies you'll know it, and if that feeling never comes then consider all the positives of not having children. There are pros and cons for both choices.

Well - actually - that comment is precisely why those of us who have made a deliberate decision NOT to have children had to come on and start commenting - ie the fact that before we did so this thread was entirely unbalanced and was threatening to turn into post after post after post doing exactly that - ie "bullying" OP into having children whether she herself wants to or not:cool: