I want to want children, anyone else the same?

sparkle76

I do think this sort of thread is invaluable to anyone male or female, wanting to decide whether or not parenthood is for them. The way I see it is if each person is truly happy with their decision then that's the important thing. Rather than having them and then being cruel or blaming them, or having them because they needed to be loved, or not having them because other people think you would be no good, or because people say xyz are necessary in order to do it, or partner wants them more etc - plus any other number of reasons for and against. I still am not 100% sure how I feel about it but have noticed as my body changes I feel more protective and I know from my nieces that the love you feel is fierce!

JuicyLou

Molly41 wrote: »

Our whole purpose is to reproduce. Its what mammals do! But then Im biased as Im a midwife by trade and have four children myself. I too would like a link to the research that pregnancy and childbirth damages the body. Pregnancy and birth is a rite of passage both physically and mentally and yes this means changes - mentally and physically - but damage? I know that pregnancy and birth confers health benefits such as reducing the risk of certain cancers and for those with raging hormones pregnancy can calm down post birth.

Garbage! A lot of mammals don't reproduce, including some primates (our closest relatives). Only some females (sometimes only one) in the group may breed while the others never give birth. The others contribute to the society in other ways.

Not that I'm comparing the OP to monkeys or anything! I just don't like people spouting rubbish about animal behaviour.

puppychick79

I feel exactly the same. Im a married childless 31 year old who never wanted kids my two doggies were enough. If anyone asked me if I wanted a child i would say ohhh god NO!!! Husband is pretty much of the same mind set. Over the recent years various friends have had babies and whilst they have been lovely Ive never left thinking I want one of those. However my best friend is currently 8 months pregant and Ive enjoyed knowing about her pregnancy journey and thrrowing her a baby shower and oohhhhing and arghhhing at various prams, baby clothes and nursey stuff. So now im thinking ohhh god do I actually want a baby. Before my only reason for remotley wanting children was that its someone to come see me in my golden years, which is not the correct reason to have children!! Now im thinking do i want the cute nursery, the baby smells, the first steps and words, the sleepless nights and lack of money?!

Ive talked to the hubby about it and he says he would maybe like a child but dosent want the baby stage, we possibly talked about adoption as well. But then he goes on to say at moment money isnt good ( we have just moved into a bigger mortgage and just trying to find our feet with that and ive recently gone self employed starting my own company so wages arent great yet!) We agreed that we would decide at 32 which is just over 3 months away, If i dont have a child will I regret it when Im older???

Sorry to hijack your post but i sort of understand where your coming from and its a huge decision and a bloody scary one

SandC

Jewel wrote: »

Thanks for depressing me 40 isn't old to have a baby, everyone's been telling me that!!

Sorry, it's just how I personally feel. Actually turns out mum was 42 when she had me.

The one thing I will say on top of that though, is that whilst it's no big deal having children at 40 or more these days you seem to get more reactions when you are an adult. Maybe because it's not yet the norm for 40 year olds to have parents who are in their 80s.... that will change no doubt as more and more are definitely waiting until they are older - or going in for 'round two' perhaps.

Didn't mean to depress you, it's a very, very personal thing and there is no right and no wrong.

sparkle76

puppychick79 I am in the same boat but we've always said we probably would try to have them once we'd settled down properly. We decided to stop taking the pill and use condoms, then ease away from the condoms, whilst saving money etc. I found out I am pregnant last week, very scary but I do want the baby stage, I want the warm cuddles, the sleepless nights, the bonding and the chance to hopefully do it better than what I experienced (it wasn't that bad but there's always room for improvement!).

Angely

Haha, i wanna have a babe!! Being pregnant i can stay at home rather than work in the damn office!!!!!!!!!!

Moneybot

puppychick79 wrote: »

I feel exactly the same. Im a married childless 31 year old who never wanted kids my two doggies were enough. If anyone asked me if I wanted a child i would say ohhh god NO!!! Husband is pretty much of the same mind set. Over the recent years various friends have had babies and whilst they have been lovely Ive never left thinking I want one of those. However my best friend is currently 8 months pregant and Ive enjoyed knowing about her pregnancy journey and thrrowing her a baby shower and oohhhhing and arghhhing at various prams, baby clothes and nursey stuff. So now im thinking ohhh god do I actually want a baby. Before my only reason for remotley wanting children was that its someone to come see me in my golden years, which is not the correct reason to have children!! Now im thinking do i want the cute nursery, the baby smells, the first steps and words, the sleepless nights and lack of money?!

Ive talked to the hubby about it and he says he would maybe like a child but dosent want the baby stage, we possibly talked about adoption as well. But then he goes on to say at moment money isnt good ( we have just moved into a bigger mortgage and just trying to find our feet with that and ive recently gone self employed starting my own company so wages arent great yet!) We agreed that we would decide at 32 which is just over 3 months away, If i dont have a child will I regret it when Im older???

Sorry to hijack your post but i sort of understand where your coming from and its a huge decision and a bloody scary one

Having children is a big decision and that you are taking time to think about it first is really good - after all children an't just for Christmas! It's really about wanting to bring new life into the world; one you will be responsible for for the rest of your life. It is a huge responsibility but the rewards are endless.

BTW adoption is not an easy option which gets you out of the first few years it brings it's own set of challenges and rewards.

mumslave

Person_one wrote: »

I suppose this is a pretty weird 'problem'. I'm in my mid twenties and my peers are all starting to settle down and make babies. I have never had any maternal instincts and am really awkward around babies and children, I've always assumed I would never have them.

But I kind of wish I did want them! I feel like I'm going to be left behind as everyone else enters a completely different world, I have a wonderful relationship with my parents and wonder if I'm depriving myself of the same relationship with my own adult children in the future.

If I could skip straight to a relatively self sufficient son or daughter in their late teens early twenties I think I would but I can't get past the thought of pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, nappies, toddler tantrums, pretending to be interested in my little ponys or hot wheels, the school run, being a taxi service for years, dealing with stroppy teenagers, stopping them smoking doing drugs or getting pregnant and the never ending drudgery of laundry, cooking and cleaning that was my poor mum's life for so long. Not to mention the loss of identity and freedom.

Do other people not think about these things? Am I way way overthinking the whole thing?

I am a mum of 4 and I never wanted children. I had an interesting childhood, was quite an abhorrent teen and figured me mothering someone would not be a good idea. However things happened and my first born arrived. It took having a child to know I wanted them.

I would say, obviously, that I dont recommend giving that a go! You are mid twenties, same as me and still have all the time in the world to have children. Think of how different you are as a person now, than when you were say 18...we change all the time. In a few years time, you may discover your feelings have changed and you do want them. There is no rush and if they dont change there is nothing wrong with that either.

I am not one of these that thinks its odd for a woman to not want children. They are hard work, the hardest work I have ever known and for some women, they feel they lose all identity of themselves through becoming a mother. Enjoy your time now and when you are a bit older, reevaluate.

mumslave

puppychick79 wrote: »

I feel exactly the same. Im a married childless 31 year old who never wanted kids my two doggies were enough. If anyone asked me if I wanted a child i would say ohhh god NO!!! Husband is pretty much of the same mind set. Over the recent years various friends have had babies and whilst they have been lovely Ive never left thinking I want one of those. However my best friend is currently 8 months pregant and Ive enjoyed knowing about her pregnancy journey and thrrowing her a baby shower and oohhhhing and arghhhing at various prams, baby clothes and nursey stuff. So now im thinking ohhh god do I actually want a baby. Before my only reason for remotley wanting children was that its someone to come see me in my golden years, which is not the correct reason to have children!! Now im thinking do i want the cute nursery, the baby smells, the first steps and words, the sleepless nights and lack of money?!

Ive talked to the hubby about it and he says he would maybe like a child but dosent want the baby stage, we possibly talked about adoption as well. But then he goes on to say at moment money isnt good ( we have just moved into a bigger mortgage and just trying to find our feet with that and ive recently gone self employed starting my own company so wages arent great yet!) We agreed that we would decide at 32 which is just over 3 months away, If i dont have a child will I regret it when Im older???

Sorry to hijack your post but i sort of understand where your coming from and its a huge decision and a bloody scary one

The baby stage is actually the easiest, most enjoyable stage of the lot. Babies are so innocent and beautiful, not only in looks. I have had my last baby and am treasuring every moment with him, it wont be long before this time is gone and parenting gets more testing. The responsibility of trying to make the right choices, encourage the right behaviours and keep your child happy, is a heavy one. Though I think for some mums, all that comes more easily than for others. :money:

Kate78

Just found this thread, know where you are coming from OP.

At present I have no desire to have my own children (I'm 32). This may change, but for us, children are a possibility rather than a probability.

Yes, many of my friends my own age are now mothers. They are now centred around kid-world and that is how it should be. It is slightly annoying when they say "It'll be you next!" and "You'd be a great mum!", but I just smile sweetly, because I know they mean no offence.

I will have a child when I really want to have a child. And if that desire never comes then so be it. There are enough unwanted children in the world.