Opinions pls. So upset...

d-seven

I can fully understand the anger by the OP. If you leave aside the legality of coke, there are no purity checks like there are with booze. Chances are that its been mixed with other stuff (bathroom cleaners, baking powder etc) to make it go further, there by making the dealers more dosh and putting the user in more danger.
It seems a bit odd that he has tried this in his early 40s. Most people would have tried it before then if they were going to try it at all.
I'd just put it down to experience but let him know that you are not happy. Also, keep an eye on his moods and look out for any 'nasal' problems he might have to give an idea if he might be a regular user. Maybe you could try and cut down on the fags if he doesn't like smoking then you will show him you are willing to make an effort and it might make him feel guilty.
Anyway good luck and hope it works out OK.

confuseddotcom1

p.s dontknowanymore, i hope you are ok. x

red_devil

anyone who does coke hasnt got a brain.

ninky_2

confuseddotcom1 wrote: »

Normally I try and smooth things over as I hate it when there is an atmosphere. I dont want to make out he is awful to me all the time as he isnt but sometimes he gets annoyed for no reason and I get upset. (I was previously in an abusive relationship and cant deal with being shouted at for no real reason.) He is normally very good but sometimes I just dont get it. For example, he got angry with me last week for having ketchup with my dinner. He said that he spent hours cooking it and was angry with me for spoiling it. Then raised his voice again and said "you know i hate it when you do that". I got really upset. He got more annoyed at me being upset so I ended up apologising. Its seems to be ok for him to get angry at me for something so trivial but not OK for me to have a go at him for taking drugs.

cdc, how important is your relationship to you? how much do you want it to work out? because from the way you describe your exchanges at the moment i would say it is in trouble. okay there is no major abuse going on. in fact you might be able to muddle on like this for quite a while. but the need you seem to have to control each others behaviour suggests the relationship has not yet matured to a level where you can recognise each others differences yet have mutual respect - and love! it seems you want to point score. one person needs to be in the wrong to make the other person in the right.

it sounds like he feels unappreciated, maybe even taken for granted - that's what the ketchup thing was all about really. as for saying he knew you smoked before he met you so should just deal with it - well arent' people allowed to change their mind? i'm not saying you should give up smoking. i'm not saying he's right to shout at you for putting some ketchup on the meal he'd cooked. but what you (both) need to do is pick apart what is REALLY causing these arguments (fear of abandonment, loss of self etc etc) and deal with these issues.

Zazen999

confuseddotcom1 wrote: »

He is normally very good but sometimes I just dont get it. For example, he got angry with me last week for having ketchup with my dinner. He said that he spent hours cooking it and was angry with me for spoiling it.

2 things;
smoking changes your appreciation of food; and I think you have more issues with your OH than just him taking cocaine if he is behaving like this.

suited-aces

mumslave wrote: »

smoking = legal
Cocaine = Illegal

Thats the difference.

Affairs = legal?

pukkamum

mumslave wrote: »

smoking = legal
Cocaine = Illegal

Thats the difference.

The ONLY difference!!!!!

Michelin

I don't think I would like it if my OH had done this but if you drink and smoke you are equally damaging yourself and he did say it was a one-off.

However, I would be more concerned about the relationship in general and the things you have said about his temper and the way he seems to control you. That is far more damaging to you than a line of coke. His behaviour is very strange by the sounds of it and I think his treatment of you is more of a issue to be honest.

mumslave

Confuseddotcom., How are things today? Have you spoken any more to him?

Gingham_Ribbon

I'd be very worried if my husband did that. It would tell me 2 things.

His mates are idiots.
He drinks too much.

If someone can take cocaine drunk, when they'd never touch it sober, then there is a problem in my opinion. But it's not just the cocaine.

As for being unable to discuss it reasonably with you after you apologised for shouting, I don't think that's his finest hour either.