Opinions pls. So upset...

yoni_one

Zazen999 wrote: »

I am anti-drugs; all of them; however more of my had earned cash will be spent tending to smokers than ever tending to cocaine takers - FACT!

Don't worry, the revenue raised by smokers more than covers all resulting costs so as a tax payer you need have no worries there.

Same cannot be said for illegal cocaine use though.

euronorris

yoni_one wrote: »

Don't worry, the revenue raised by smokers more than covers all resulting costs so as a tax payer you need have no worries there.

Same cannot be said for illegal cocaine use though.

Oh, cocaine has so many different, branching effects.

The money spent on cocaine goes to the drug dealers and back up the chain. And all the consequences of that! :eek:

Then, there is the chance of becoming addicted, the effect that would have on your health, your family, your relationships. When I think about it a bit more, it has far more, far-reaching negative effects than smoking does. That's not to say smoking is OK, just because it is legal.

yoni_one

confuseddotcom1 wrote: »

sometimes he gets annoyed for no reason and I get upset ... For example, he got angry with me last week for having ketchup with my dinner ... Then raised his voice again and said "you know i hate it when you do that". I got really upset.

He got more annoyed at me being upset so I ended up apologising.

Its seems to be ok for him to get angry at me for something so trivial but not OK for me to have a go at him for taking drugs.

I tread on careful ground here because although you haven't given examples of his reasonable behaviour in this thread, you have said that he doesn't treat you badly and I sense that you do not want him to be branded as something you do not believe he is.

That said, the above incidents that you describe are examples of controlling behaviour so either I have misunderstood or he has those leanings at times. He may not be like that all the time or even most of the time, but when he is like that then he is behaving in an abusive manner, using fear and intimidation to upset you and either get you to do what he wants or get you to stop doing something he doesn't want you to do.

You challenge something with him and again he controls it using the same technique.

This does not mean he is a bad person through and through but it is what it is and at least sometimes he upsets and you end up apologising for him upsetting you.

As nice as he is all other times, when anyone does what you have described it is not a very respectful way to behave towards their partner and equal and being nice the rest of the time does not justify or excuse it on any level.

mumslave

confuseddotcom1 wrote: »

Normally I try and smooth things over as I hate it when there is an atmosphere. I dont want to make out he is awful to me all the time as he isnt but sometimes he gets annoyed for no reason and I get upset. (I was previously in an abusive relationship and cant deal with being shouted at for no real reason.) He is normally very good but sometimes I just dont get it. For example, he got angry with me last week for having ketchup with my dinner. He said that he spent hours cooking it and was angry with me for spoiling it. Then raised his voice again and said "you know i hate it when you do that". I got really upset. He got more annoyed at me being upset so I ended up apologising. Its seems to be ok for him to get angry at me for something so trivial but not OK for me to have a go at him for taking drugs.

Sorry hun, but your OH kicking off over ketchup smacks to me of a chap that likes to be in control. It seems to me like you stood up to him about this incident, and it wasnt the norm, so to try and get back in control he is turning things round on you, oh you embarressed me in front of my mates, oh its only the once, oh you smoke so you cant say anything.

But then, I am just a random whale in cyberspace, I know nothing of your relationship than what you have said. I would urge you however, to try doing some real 'analysis' of your relationship, just how equal is it?

JBD

Zazen999 wrote: »

I wondered when the insults would come my way. Perhaps you should read al the posts instead of reacting to the first one that doesn't agree with all the others.

I am anti-drugs; all of them; however more of my had earned cash will be spent tending to smokers than ever tending to cocaine takers - FACT!

Where is the insult? I said it was up to her. It may be acceptable to you or it may not. Everyone has the right to
decide for themselves. You suggested the OP should apologise so obviously you thought she was in the wrong.
And yes I have read all the posts. Thanks for the suggestion.

eamon

I think the OP was a bit harsh in her reactions but I can understand. I don't use coke and have been offered on numerous occasions. Its also not fair to compare coke use to smoking. A better analogy would be in comparing it to illegally made alcohol (and I don't mean homemade beer or wine, think of the industrial and homemade "vodka" that kills & maims thousands of people every year in Russia). Users don't know anything about its provenance i.e. chemical composition, what its been mixed with, its potency etc. Thats were any health concerns should be addressed.
As for its addictive qualities, I don't know but I'm sure that google has the answers. From a personal safety point of view I wouldn't touch it. From an employment point of view it is aslo a no no. Being caught in possession could seriously damage your wealth and if a habit is acquired then that is a certainty.

Dontknowanymore

peachyprice wrote: »

No it isn't ridiculous.

People seem to think smoking is all fine and dandy just because it's legal, well it isn't, it's a drug addiction just the same. if it weren't for the fact that governments make so much money out of addicts it would be illegal.

And what about alcohol, IMO the worst drug of them all, if it were invented today it would never be legal.

Dontknowanymore

confuseddotcom1 wrote: »

Normally I try and smooth things over as I hate it when there is an atmosphere. I dont want to make out he is awful to me all the time as he isnt but sometimes he gets annoyed for no reason and I get upset. (I was previously in an abusive relationship and cant deal with being shouted at for no real reason.) He is normally very good but sometimes I just dont get it. For example, he got angry with me last week for having ketchup with my dinner. He said that he spent hours cooking it and was angry with me for spoiling it. Then raised his voice again and said "you know i hate it when you do that". I got really upset. He got more annoyed at me being upset so I ended up apologising. Its seems to be ok for him to get angry at me for something so trivial but not OK for me to have a go at him for taking drugs.

Sorry, but your post set off some alarm bells for me.
Having a go at someone for putting ketchup on their dinner, thats not on.
Sounds like you feel a bit intimidated by him?
Did you receive any councelling for your previous relationship?
Sorry for being so personal but it's a subject close to my heart right now and what you just posted was pretty close to home.
Also, could these moodswings be drug related? I mean, do you know how to tell the signs of someone on coke, regular users can be quite narky to say the least!

milliebear00001

He did something he now says he thinks was a mistake, and will presumably not do again. What more would you like him to do? If he continues to use it, you need to make a choice about whether this is a deal-breaker for your relationship.

I would personally far rather live (and bring up children with) somebody who snorted the odd line of coke in private, than was seriously addicted to cigarettes. Anybody who thinks you are more in danger of dying from occasional cocaine use, than cigarette use, needs to do some simple research. Cigarette smoking is just about the most lethal and addictive habit you can take up.

confuseddotcom1

Dontknowanymore wrote: »

Sorry, but your post set off some alarm bells for me.
Having a go at someone for putting ketchup on their dinner, thats not on.
Sounds like you feel a bit intimidated by him?
Did you receive any councelling for your previous relationship?
Sorry for being so personal but it's a subject close to my heart right now and what you just posted was pretty close to home.
Also, could these moodswings be drug related? I mean, do you know how to tell the signs of someone on coke, regular users can be quite narky to say the least!

Thanks for you post. Im not intimated by him but just like an easy life most of the time so try and deter arguments where possible. i pretty much go with the flow most of the time because I am (despite what other posters may think,) pretty easy going. The original situation as posted by me initially was probably the first argument instigated by me. My previous relationship was more sexual abuse than verbal but it did happen occassionally in that if I stood up to him or said no he would go off on one. Totally f*cked up situation if Im being honest but that was a number of years ago and whilst Im no longer screwed up about it I still find it difficult to deal with someone shouting at me because it brings back memories that I find upsetting. Im not suggesting that me shouting at him should be acceptable and I have apologised for it but I reacted at the time because I was shocked and scared and upset at what he had done. Im very sure he doesnt take drugs regularly and from what i gather neither do his mates. Think this was a one off but it really scared me. We are getting along OK now but sometimes I feel like he calls the shots and I just kind of try and do what he wants for an easy life.