Opinions pls. So upset...

poppyolivia

sneezyboots wrote: »

For the most part you had me. i was thinking yea i would have shouted at him, screamed at him, humiliated him and then kicked his butt out forever.

But then you said you smoke, which first of all makes you even more stupid than him. then you say he hates you doing that, in which case you obviously don't care about him at all so walk away.

but like mentioned smoking isn't illegal...so it makes no sense in the arguement.

confuseddotcom1

sneezyboots wrote: »

For the most part you had me. i was thinking yea i would have shouted at him, screamed at him, humiliated him and then kicked his butt out forever.

But then you said you smoke, which first of all makes you even more stupid than him. then you say he hates you doing that, in which case you obviously don't care about him at all so walk away.

If he hated it that much he shouldnt have entered a relationship with me. I explained to him when we were first together that I smoked and he, as an ex smoker, said it didnt bother him. Why does that make me not care? If it had bothered him then he surely he wouldnt have been with me in the first place. Most of the time he makes out it doesnt bother him then when situations like the one in my OP arises, it all of a sudden becomes an issue again. He only uses it to retract from the original issue.

peachyprice

confuseddotcom1 wrote: »

Truth is I dont think I am a hypocrit.

That really depends on why you are so angry with him.

If you're angry because he has put his life at risk, then yes you are a hypocrite, he has put his life at risk once, but you are happy to do it every day.

If you are angry because he didn't know what was in it other than cocaine, then yes, you probably are a hypocrite, unless you know how many deadly ingredients are in your cigarettes.

If you are angry because it is illegal, then fair enough, you are not being a hypocrite.

poppyolivia

confuseddotcom1 wrote: »

If he hated it that much he shouldnt have entered a relationship with me. I explained to him when we were first together that I smoked and he, as an ex smoker, said it didnt bother him. Why does that make me not care? If it had bothered him then he surely he wouldnt have been with me in the first place. Most of the time he makes out it doesnt bother him then when situations like the one in my OP arises, it all of a sudden becomes an issue again. He only uses it to retract from the original issue.

its because its the only thing he can pick up on with you so thats his bullets!

Chances are he does feel stupid for doing it but not wanting to admit to you, so twists it to make it look like both of you are equal now??????

Zazen999

peachyprice wrote: »

That really depends on why you are so angry with him.

If you're angry because he has put his life at risk, then yes you are a hypocrite, he has put his life at risk once, but you are happy to do it every day.

If you are angry because he didn't know what was in it other than cocaine, then yes, you probably are a hypocrite, unless you know how many deadly ingredients are in your cigarettes.

If you are angry because it is illegal, then fair enough, you are not being a hypocrite.

But, it's not illegal; it's illegal to have it, to give it to someone and to sell it - not to use it. Therefore; it is not illegal, thus the OP is indeed a hypocrite.

The OP's OH takes drugs once and gets a right mouthful from the OP
The OP takes drugs day in day out and nada!

I AM anti drugs; but the OP's OH took drugs that only affect him, once. The OP takes drugs that pollutes everyone else's air, daily.

peachyprice

Zazen999 wrote: »

But, it's not illegal; it's illegal to have it, to give it to someone and to sell it - not to use it. Therefore; it is not illegal, thus the OP is indeed a hypocrite.

The OP's OH takes drugs once and gets a right mouthful from the OP
The OP takes drugs day in day out and nada!

I AM anti drugs; but the OP's OH took drugs that only affect him, once. The OP takes drugs that pollutes everyone else's air, daily.

Sorry, probably should have worded as the illegality of the situation, not just the taking.

yoni_one

confuseddotcom1 wrote: »

He is a very good man although he does have quite a short temper sometimes (which I get upset about when he shouts at me for little or no reason), but overall he isnt an a**hole and doesnt treat me badly. I apologised for his friends overhearing our argument and told him that whilst I didnt agree with what he had done we should draw a line underneath it. I havent mentioned it since but its still upsetting me so felt I needed to post.

Personally I very much appreciate why you feel so upset over this.

It's a HUGE deal to you (and it would be to me too if my partner did the same thing).

It sounds like your partner is so busy defending his not-so-reasonable behaviour, and managing to divert the focus on to your not so well handled knee-jerk reaction, to actually listen to what you are saying - that you are not ok that he has recently snorted coke with his mates and on top of that seems to be dismissing the whole thing as no big deal when it IS a big deal to you.

If this is so then you wont be feeling very listened to and that is also very upsetting.

You say that he is a very good man with a short temper who shouts at you for little or no reason but overall he doesn't treat you badly.

Even if he is often a very good man you acknowledge that on this occasion he snorted coke knowing how you feel about it, he has a short fuse in general and he is sometimes verbally abusive to you.

I think it is pretty healthy to recognise both reasonable and unreasonable behaviour but it is also worth reminding yourself that one does not excuse the other.

I'm really sorry that he does not appear to appreciate or attempt to empathise with how you feel when he behaves in an unreasonable manner.

You are not in charge of dictating what should or shouldn't be a big deal to him, and neither is he with you.

JBD

Zazen999 wrote: »

So, what ARE your thoughts on cocaine, being that you have said you don't actually understand it?

I think you should apologise and give up smoking; just to show that you aren't a hypocrite.

Why should she apologise and give up smoking? It's up to her if she wants to smoke. It's up to her if she wants to be with a cocaine user. You might not have a problem with being with someone who uses drugs but she does.

Zazen999

JBD wrote: »

Why should she apologise and give up smoking? It's up to her if she wants to smoke. It's up to her if she wants to be with a cocaine user. You might not have a problem with being with someone who uses drugs but she does.

I wondered when the insults would come my way. Perhaps you should read al the posts instead of reacting to the first one that doesn't agree with all the others.

I am anti-drugs; all of them; however more of my had earned cash will be spent tending to smokers than ever tending to cocaine takers - FACT!

confuseddotcom1

mumslave wrote: »

and does he apologise to you when he shouts at you for little or no reason? You had a very good reason and still you apologise. I suppose he also does the same when you get the brunt of a 'short temper'.

Normally I try and smooth things over as I hate it when there is an atmosphere. I dont want to make out he is awful to me all the time as he isnt but sometimes he gets annoyed for no reason and I get upset. (I was previously in an abusive relationship and cant deal with being shouted at for no real reason.) He is normally very good but sometimes I just dont get it. For example, he got angry with me last week for having ketchup with my dinner. He said that he spent hours cooking it and was angry with me for spoiling it. Then raised his voice again and said "you know i hate it when you do that". I got really upset. He got more annoyed at me being upset so I ended up apologising. Its seems to be ok for him to get angry at me for something so trivial but not OK for me to have a go at him for taking drugs.