Opinions pls. So upset...

confuseddotcom1

poppyolivia wrote: »

I'm sorry but shout at him in front of his mates would have been the least I would have done!!...The thought of my OH doing that makes my blood boil!..seriously I'd go mental!

I even waited until we left the pub as I didnt want to cause a scene but his mates ended up catching up with us while we were arguing then they started trying to justify it to me which made me even worse. I was just really disappointed in him and worried. I havent posted on here until now as have been trying to figure out if I was actually in the wrong or not but its been bugging me so much I had to get others opinions. I take on board everyones comments and shall just have to try and forgot about it I suppose. Glad to know that Im not the only one who would be angry.

ninky_2

i'd be more worried that he was happy to admit he was so drunk he didn't know what he was doing. how would he feel if you used that excuse? for example, kissing or sleeping with someone else?

drinking to the stage where you don't know what you are doing is irresponsible to say the least.

i sympathise with you OP but shouting at him probably isn't going to help. you need to talk about how it made you feel in a calm and collected manner. also you need to be clear what your boundaries are here. for example, if he takes drugs again will you end the relationship? as an adult it's up to him how he behaves. but you have a right to control the consequences of that when it involves you.

Pee

He did tell you that night, though, even knowing what your feelings would be and rather than trying to hide it. Presumably he could have just agreed with you that it was good he wasn't into it and you'd be unlikely to be any the wiser.

I have been with a drug addict, and in my opinion it is impossible to maintain a relationship in that situation, no matter how tolerent you are about the drug concerned. I'd be surprised at him trying it for the first time at 40, but he doesn't seem to have been lying. A lot of cocaine that is about is cut with speed (and worse) and so I guess noone quite knows what they are taking.

My view would be if he did it five times a year, that would be fine. The same as if he went out and got drunk five times a year. That may or may not be fine for you though.

I think there is a big difference between a drug user and a drug addict, although of course it is possible for a user to get addicted.

I would apologise for what happened in front of his friends, and choose a more private place to discuss it in future. I can see that would be very embarrassing and annoying for him, but equally, it wasn't intentional.

Is he otherwise a good man who respects your feelings?

poppyolivia

confuseddotcom1 wrote: »

I even waited until we left the pub as I didnt want to cause a scene but his mates ended up catching up with us while we were arguing then they started trying to justify it to me which made me even worse. I was just really disappointed in him and worried. I havent posted on here until now as have been trying to figure out if I was actually in the wrong or not but its been bugging me so much I had to get others opinions. I take on board everyones comments and shall just have to try and forgot about it I suppose. Glad to know that Im not the only one who would be angry.

Well you did one better than me, I would have shouted at him there and then...wouldn't have cared if the pope was there...

If my OH took drugs, then to me thats the same as saying...my life is cr*p and I need an escape....

so I would tell him to get a better life and get lost!

sorry if thats harsh but thats just my opinion...never took drugs, never smoked and only occasionally drink in social surroundings..

Maybe I need to get out more!:D


Edited to say I was asked yesterday in hospital if I took magic mushrooms...I didn't even know what they were...and no I don't!!!lol

mumslave

No you were NOT in the wrong. We all have emotions and feelings...you did well to even wait till it was just you and him, I can tell you now, I wouldnt have done, and I wouldnt have cared if he didnt speak to me for weeks for embarrassing him in front of his mates...diddums...and if his mates had come running along and tried to justify things to me I would have told them where to go as well, with a swift reminder that cocaine is illegal and a quick call to the police could have them searched.

Cocaine makes a lot of people very arrogant. When he decided to tell you he had taken it, what did he expect your reaction to be? Oh yes thats nice dear??? You say he already knew your feelings about drugs...so he brought it on himself. You were most definitely not in the wrong.

yoni_one

confuseddotcom1 wrote: »

me and OH were out with his friends. ... Everyone had quite alot to drink and ... my OH admitted that he had snorted a line of cocaine.

I went off my head ... as I was so angry. Edit: We had left the pub by then and [his friends] only heard it because they caught up with us.

He basically said I was being irrational and that he was so drunk he didnt realise he was doing it until after he had.

He hasnt apologised since and basically making out that its my fault for overreacting to it. He is being very aggressive towards me (verbally not physically) so I cant even talk to him about it anymore.

- making out what is your fault? Your fault that he snorted cocaine or your fault that he is being very verbally agressive towards you to the point you cant even talk to him about it anymore????

Maybe you didn't handle the situation well when you initially challenged him but that does not make his snorting OR his verbal aggression your fault.

confuseddotcom1

TBH I probably would have realised even if he hadnt told me given that his pupils became fully dilated and he was acting a bit weird. He is a very good man although he does have quite a short temper sometimes (which I get upset about when he shouts at me for little or no reason), but overall he isnt an a**hole and doesnt treat me badly. I apologised for his friends overhearing our argument and told him that whilst I didnt agree with what he had done we should draw a line underneath it. I havent mentioned it since but its still upsetting me so felt I needed to post.

kindofagilr

I cannot believe some of you saying the OP over reacted, I would be livid if I found my OH had taken cocaine, one line or not.

sneezyboots

For the most part you had me. i was thinking yea i would have shouted at him, screamed at him, humiliated him and then kicked his butt out forever.

But then you said you smoke, which first of all makes you even more stupid than him. then you say he hates you doing that, in which case you obviously don't care about him at all so walk away.

mumslave

and does he apologise to you when he shouts at you for little or no reason? You had a very good reason and still you apologise. I suppose he also does the same when you get the brunt of a 'short temper'.