Opinions pls. So upset...

mrcow

mumslave wrote: »

Smoking cant kill you instantly.

Snorting one single line of cocaine can.

I am not a fan of either, but his suggesting smoking is just as bad as taking cocaine is ridiculous.

Well considering that nearly 20% of all UK deaths in adults aged over 35 are related to smoking - I'd say that yes, it is ridiculous to say that smoking is just as bad as snorting cocaine.




None of which of course has to do with the problems being faced by the OP. The problem isn't about what he did - but how she subsequently reacted. If she wants to carry on a relationship with this man then she needs to change your behaviour. Adults talk about their problems, they don't fly off the handle, shouting the odds.

confuseddotcom1

swiss69 wrote: »

You are over reacting. he did it once! Have you never in your whole life done anything wrong and regretted it the next day?

He was drunk and with the lads. Believe me compared to what some blokes get up to when in front of their mates, this is not a major deal!

Thanks for reply. I have done things I regret next day but if I knew it had upset my OH to the degree it has me I would at least step up and apologise for it, particularly when we have had conversations in the past and he knows how much I am opposed to it and how much it scares me. I think I perhaps did overreact based on what others have said and will apologise to him for that (i pretty much already have) but I cant apologise for being against it and for not agreeing with what he did or under the circumstances that he did it.

Glen0000

swiss69 wrote: »

You are over reacting. he did it once! Have you never in your whole life done anything wrong and regretted it the next day?

He was drunk and with the lads. Believe me compared to what some blokes get up to when in front of their mates, this is not a major deal!

I hate how being "with the lads" seems to let men think they can do whatever they like. Hookers.... drugs..... well if you are "with the lads" anything goes.

Yes, I am a man, and I despair at my sex sometimes.

savingmummy

I would be very shocked and angry and probably would of reacted to him too!
If it was a one off then fine, BUT if his friends are regular users then thats a bit of a difference imo! How do you know it was a one off?
It might of been just once BUT thats how addictions start

I would be worried and can see why your feeling worried too! As for having a go at him - so would i too but then a good chat at home to clear things

Glen0000

confuseddotcom1 wrote: »

Thanks for reply. I have done things I regret next day but if I knew it had upset my OH to the degree it has me I would at least step up and apologise for it, particularly when we have had conversations in the past and he knows how much I am opposed to it and how much it scares me. I think I perhaps did overreact based on what others have said and will apologise to him for that (i pretty much already have) but I cant apologise for being against it and for not agreeing with what he did or under the circumstances that he did it.

You are not in the wrong, no need to defend yourself. If posters on here think drug use is ok, well that says more about them than you.

Primrose

I too would have been very upset although I think it would have been better to have waited until you got home to have things out.
I am 100% against illegal substance and quite honestly wouldn't want anything to do with anybody who had anything to do with them. I think your husband should take responsibility for his actions and promise you not to touch it again. Drugs just mess up peoples' lives whilst allowing those who push and sell them to live luxurious lives at the taxpayers expense. However, having said that smoking often ruins a lot of peoples' lives too with the heart disease and cancer that it causes and the bereaved people left behind as a result. Maybe if you don't want to see too hypocritical you could make an effort to give up?

MinniMe_2

I think us all debating if it was right or wrong isn't helping the OP, at the end of the day OP its your opinion and you are hurt. We all handle being Hurt in different ways.

My adive for what it is worth is to take some time to sit down with your OH, tell him that your sorry if he felt embarrased but you reacted the way you did because you were hurt and scared and try and talk it out.

JBD

swiss69 wrote: »

You are over reacting. he did it once! Have you never in your whole life done anything wrong and regretted it the next day?

He was drunk and with the lads. Believe me compared to what some blokes get up to when in front of their mates, this is not a major deal!

She's not overreacting if it's unacceptable to her. Everyone has a right to set their own boundaries. I think they need to communicate what these are rather than shouting and arguing about it.

belfastgirl23

I think you need to step back and think about how you behaved in the situation. Setting aside the rights and wrongs of what he did, do you feel you behaved appropriately? To me, losing your temper is something you should apologise for full stop, even if there has been provocation. And losing your temper with someone who was drunk at the time is pointless, it won't achieve anything. So in your shoes I would apologise for losing my temper and for embarassing him in front of his friends, however unintentionally.

I would then ask to talk about the cocaine itself in a very calm way. Try to dig under the anger - what are you really feeling? Betrayed? Upset? worried? Using 'I' words might be a cliche but it does work. What was it about this particular situation that pushed your trigger? Try to talk to him about that rather than getting into the tangle of whether using cocaine is morally acceptable - that can only lead to more rows. And at the end of the day you aren't feeling this upset because it's illegal (have you really never double parked or pushed the speed limit a bit ) there are other factors at play.

The smoking thing is a bit of a red herring in one way. But you do have to consider whether it's something he said in anger to wound you or whether it is a real issue between you. Personally I would have a lot of sympathy with his views on this if they are strongly held, but only you an know if they are.

euronorris

mumslave wrote: »

I dont see smoking as okay at all, I used to be one, however now I am not and have spent a long time trying to get my husband to quit, for the very reasons said in your post. However if you smoke you at least have some time to quit, taking a single line of coke, especially when you may not know what it contains or where it comes from, can kill you outright, no chance to say...geez yeah I am being a stupid muppet and shouldnt do this.

I see where you're coming from, and whilst you may have time to quit, sometimes, the damage is already done.

Just as everyone will react differently to coke, they also react differently to the smoke. Some get away with it, and some don't.

I used to be one also and it was bl00dy hard giving up (about 20 times!).

I also understand your point as only using this as a defence now. If it bothered him before, it is most likely he would've brought it up before.