Opinions pls. So upset...

mumslave

I caught my husband taking cocaine on my 21st birthday in our toilet at the home...but...we had 2 very young children at that point and he was firmly told that either he flushed it down the loo then and there in front of me, or I phoned the police that very moment, and by god i would have done it. He was then told that if i EVER caught that !!!!! in my house ever again, he would be out on his ear, marriage over. I hate hate hate drugs and the disbelief that he could take something that could kill you when he had two young children...

God it makes me angry to think about it and that was 4 years ago now!

So whilst I think you over reacted, I cant really critise as I would have done the same...just like the time I overheard him telling a friend in the pub that he had paid to watch !!!!!! on tv one night...he earned a glass full of his own beer over his head in front of the whole pub for that one....I was working nightshifts and trying to support two young babies...he was wasting money on oogling girls, free !!!!!! yes...paid !!!!!!, no.

Anyways...memory lane. Coming from someone whom reacts first and thinks later, I would sit him down and apologise for going off on one in public.

mumslave

smoking = legal
Cocaine = Illegal

Thats the difference.

peachyprice

confuseddotcom1 wrote: »

He basically said last week that as I smoke cigarettes and he hates it I shouldnt dictate to him what he can and cant do

Yes, he has a very valid point. He used cocaine as a one off, you have a drug habit, albeit a legal drug, but it seems you have no intention of stopping smoking even though he doesn't like it.

Your smoking, habitually day in day out is causing far more harm that a one-off use of cocaine, to shout at him in front of his friends is way OTT.

euronorris

confuseddotcom1 wrote: »

Thanks, no children at moment. I edited my last post to say I didnt react whilst we were in the pub. I waited until we had left so as not to cause a scene. Ive tried to speak to him about it but he just keeps saying that he didnt know what he was doing and I cant understand that. I think its more about not respecting me enough to at least tell me that he was going to do it and then showing no remorse for it afterwards knowing full well how upset I was. (we have had chats about stuff like this before and Ive made it really clear that I am totally against it.)

The 'I didn't know what I was doing' thing, is his him not wanting to take responsibility for his actions.

He knew what he was doing, but he also knows how angry and upset you are. So, he tries to avoid the responsibility. This could be because he is scared of confrontation, or he just doesn't see it as that big a deal.

Perhaps try talking about from a different angle. ie 'Nevermind the other night, what are your honest thoughts and opinions on drugs? Do you think they are OK? Do you think they are awful? Or do you sit somewhere in the middle?' and take it from there.

At least that way, you will gain some insight into his feelings towards drugs in general and assess whether you think it is likely or not to happen again, and if you are comfortable with his attitude towards them.

I wouldn't push for the apology though. He is entitled to make his own mistakes. As are you with the smoking. I know you don't see it as bad, but really, it's worse in some respects (lung cancer, emphysema etc etc). He may be equally worried and upset about your habit, but just accepts it is your choice.

mumslave

peachyprice wrote: »

Yes, he has a very valid point. He used cocaine as a one off, you have a drug habit, albeit a legal drug, but it seems you have no intention of smoking even though he doesn't like it.

Your smoking, habitually day in day out is causing far more harm that a one-off use of cocaine, to shout at him in front of his friends is way OTT.

Smoking cant kill you instantly.

Snorting one single line of cocaine can.

I am not a fan of either, but his suggesting smoking is just as bad as taking cocaine is ridiculous.

euronorris

mumslave wrote: »

Smoking cant kill you instantly.

Snorting one single line of cocaine can.

I am not a fan of either, but his suggesting smoking is just as bad as taking cocaine is ridiculous.

No, smoking can kill you very slowly and painfully over months, even years whilst your loved ones watch....powerless to help.

They are both just as bad as each other. One just takes longer to kill than the other.

peachyprice

mumslave wrote: »

Smoking cant kill you instantly.

Snorting one single line of cocaine can.

I am not a fan of either, but his suggesting smoking is just as bad as taking cocaine is ridiculous.

No it isn't ridiculous.

People seem to think smoking is all fine and dandy just because it's legal, well it isn't, it's a drug addiction just the same. if it weren't for the fact that governments make so much money out of addicts it would be illegal.

mumslave

I dont see smoking as okay at all, I used to be one, however now I am not and have spent a long time trying to get my husband to quit, for the very reasons said in your post. However if you smoke you at least have some time to quit, taking a single line of coke, especially when you may not know what it contains or where it comes from, can kill you outright, no chance to say...geez yeah I am being a stupid muppet and shouldnt do this.

I would be interested to know if the OPs OH hates smoking because of its risks to the OP, of if its suddenly been brought up only as a result of the cocaine, as a line of defense. I had an ex once whom hated me smoking. He made it clear from the word go and right the way through the relationship. Seems to me if the Ops OH hates smoking so much, this would also be the case here.

swiss69

You are over reacting. he did it once! Have you never in your whole life done anything wrong and regretted it the next day?

He was drunk and with the lads. Believe me compared to what some blokes get up to when in front of their mates, this is not a major deal!

peachyprice

There are many smokers out there who do not even realise they have coronary heart disease, an instant killer.