Today I put my 5yo ds over my knee & smacked his bare bum - I'm mortified with myself

mumslave

I recently did something similar with my 4 year old. We had been to the library, she decided she liked the look of a pony toy there, and managed to take it home, hidden up her sleeve. You may think she is too young to 'steal' however she clearly knew what she was doing was wrong as she had hidden it....not just taken it. She was taken straight back down the the library, told to hand over the pony and apologise for taking it. The librarian was horrified, total soft touch...probably wouldnt have cared if my daughter had kept it, but as far as I am concerned, she knew what she was doing was wrong...consequences to actions.

Fuzzy_Duck

Person_one wrote: »

I apologise if I insulted you. Clearly this is an issue where people have polar opposite views and me and you are never going to agree here!

A question out of genuine curiosity though, how do you reconcile the difference between society's attitude towards adults striking each other and striking children? Obviously children do have fewer rights than adults (they can't vote, drive etc) but isn't it a human right to not be subject to violence of any sort?

Also, doesn't legal smacking lead to a grey area regarding where it turns into child abuse? Its so subjective and everybody will have a different 'line' as to what is acceptable.

That's alright, I don't think I'm used to having such contrasting opinions to other people as I don't usually having to defend myself to such a degree! I do agree with you there, it is very difficult to judge what should be deemed acceptable and what shouldn't. My opinion is that if you have to smack, you should do it lightly on a fleshy part (a lot of people who were smacked on this thread say it was on their bum/thigh) and should not cause a red mark. It should be a bit sharper than a pat but give the child nothing worse than a nano-second long sting. My argument would be that the pain is so brief that the consequences of the slap are quickly forgotten, but the child remembers that they shouldn't do such and such again.

I would say if someone leaves a mark then that is wrong. It's all about balance really, which is difficult to get right. I think the majority of kids hopefully know that hitting is wrong, but realise a small slap on their bottom off mum or dad when they are naughty is different. Personally I never felt like I was being hurt when I was slapped, because that sting was over so fast- therefore I never got it confused. I was well aware that I was loved and I never thought my parents were bad people for it. For the record my siblings were never slapped because they were always well-behaved- I never found this confusing either.

I would definitely agree that they are better ways to go about disciplining a child but I do think sometimes it's necessary- and it's better than no discipline at all. It's something I remember quite well from my childhood but the only thing that stands out wasn't the sting I'd feel- it was feeling ashamed because I knew it only happened when I was really naughty, and I didn't want my parents to be angry. There are probably better ways of getting the same effect but I still don't think the occasional slap will cause lasting damage to your child.

At the end of the day it's a touchy subject and everyone has a different way of bringing up their child. I would say that a child who gets the occasional slap for being naughty if a well adjusted one. A child who gets beaten by an abusive parent will almost certainly be withdrawn or behave in a disturbed manner. I do think there's a distinct difference although I do appreciate it is hard to draw the line at times. You can see this just by the tutting you get if you slap your child in public (which just to add further confusion I don't agree with most of the time- as I think having a crowd humiliates your child and this is far worse than a little sting).

For the record I don't have children- and if I did I wouldn't slap them, but I wouldn't rule it out either. I know a couple who disagreed with it entirely but slapped their child when he hurt his pet dog. They still feel bad about it- the child is now an adult and doesn't even remember being slapped for it, although his parents do and still feel bad about it. At the end of the day there is too much of a grey area to say one or the other is right or wrong, and too many examples of those who were and those who weren't slapped, who both feel they turned out a good member of society because of it.

All I know is I didn't feel abused as a child when I got the occasional slap, hence why I feel strongly against the idea that my parents were abusing me. I would never say that slapping is always right though, just a last resort for a child who won't listen to anything else.

adouglasmhor

Person_one wrote: »

Does the insanity of this statement not leap out at you? What can I say, I'm sad that we live in a country where its illegal to hit another adult (however 'responsibly') but you're perfectly within your rights to do it to your own child.

It's not illiegal to hit another adult with consent* and a parent can give consent for their child. Therefore a parent can consent to a child being hit.

*Martial Arts, Boxing and Rugby spring to mind.

Raggs_2

I believe I was smacked twice as a young child, from then on I knew if my father or mother reached a count of 3 and I was still misbehaving I would receive another there and then, trousers down, bare !!!! in front of everyone. They never reached 3, because I knew the consequences. As others have claimed, I like to think of myself as a reasonably good human being. I can guarentee you that my parents yelling has caused me far more issues than being smacked, now I severely dislike even discussions in raised/loud voices, even though I know it's of no consequence, and have never yelled at another human being in anger since the age of 15 (over a decade ago).

pigpen

Eagle_1 wrote: »

White lies are ok, ive told millions
Thing is it worked for me, I didnt have to smack as not going to McDonalds was a megga deal to my DD back then.

Me and my DD laugh about it now and she finds it hilarious

But, I dont endorse telling lies, but lickle white ones are fine

disgraceful!!! lol.. What kind of terrible person are you.. actually don't answer it probably won't be the truth lol..

I just confiscate the DS from the little 3.. my oldest girl has her internet disconnected. The boys have a compter ban.. my oldest was an absolute !!!!!! and regularly got a slap.. the time he rammed his bike handle bars into my stomach when I was 7 months pregnant I could have ripped him limb from limb.. he has probably had more slaps than all 7 of the others put together. DD2 just needs to be told off in and angry voice.. you don't even have to yell.

bestpud

Why are people using the terms 'smacking' and 'discipline' interchangeably?

jamespir

bestpud wrote: »

It may be just me (in fact I am sure it will be) but I feel quite horrified when I hear parents talk about planned smacking.

I can understand how someone with a determined child can end up smacking them in temper - I don't agree with it at all but I can see how it happens sometimes.

What I can't get my head round is someone telling their child they will smack them and then calmly doing so.

I guess I just find it odd that anyone would want to deliberately hit another, especially a child.

For me, hitting is just unnaceptable and the thought of planning it seems bizarre! If people are calm enough to use smacking as a deterrent then why not think of something that doesn't involve hitting them?

I know many do but I really can't understand it at all.

I mean, why would you for goodness sake?

I'd tell my child off for hitting another, no matter what that person had done (except self defence of course), but how on earth could I tell her hitting is wrong and then whack her for doing something I didn't like???

Bizarre, truly bizarre!

and its thanks to parents with that attitude that kids are getting away with murder

lots of adults my age were smacked as kids (infact apart from a sharp slap to the legs sometimes i dont think i was properly spanked but the threat of it was enough for me )and i dont think it did us any harm

lauren_1

The day I apologie for disceplining (sp?) my children is the day they have won.

jamespir

if you apologise your baasically saying you were wrong and the child will see it as he can do what he likes

gingin_2

To the OP - I think we all lose it as a parent at times. Fair play to you for posting here and reflecting on it.

I am very much anti smacking. I was hit as a child and resented my parents every time they did it. I always saw it as a weakness/ easy way out even when I was very young and still do. It was all about fear rather than contemplation and I never learnt or gained anything from it. It was awful but on almost every other level my parents were brilliant parents. My children are very well behaved but not perfect and I have never once hit them and never will, we are, however, never short of ways to make an issue of poor behaviour.

I just don't understand how a child can be chastised for hitting or pushing another child in the playground, or a brother or sister at home, but can get a smack or a tap from mummy and daddy and that not be seen as a total contradiction? I would honestly be interested to hear opininions on that from those who do do it.