Today I put my 5yo ds over my knee & smacked his bare bum - I'm mortified with myself

elisamoose

Not going to give my personal opinion but I work in a school and if a child told me that a parent ( or other adult) had put them over their knee and hit their bare bottom , I would have to log it and pass to the designated person for referral to social services.They would then decide if any further action was taken, usually after interviewing the parents and possibly a medical examination of the child.

Person_one

Cullumpster wrote: »

I was smacked as a child when I was naughty, only twice that I can remember but it was cause I deserved it, once was for running accross a busy road and the other for stealing ( I was caught red handed by my mum ) consequently I have never stole again even though it was only a packet of crisps I was 7 years old. My mum dragged me back into the shop, made me tell the lady i'd stolen the crisps and pay for them gave the packet to my brother to eat, took me home, pulled my pants down and smacked me with her slipper, then sent me to bed with no dinner cause i'd already eaten! I'd opened the bag and was eating outside anyway I absolutely agree with what she did and would do the same thing with my little boy, I have not turned into a bad person

I have never stolen anything and I was never hit as a child.

Really, we need to stop using the 'this is what happened to me and I turned out fine' anecdote as evidence for anything. Most people turn out 'ok' generally even if they had difficultt childhoods and some people with idyllic childhoods grow to be horrible adults. There are those who would argue that if you grew up thinking its fine for adults to hit children then actually, you didn't!

Person_one

lauren_1 wrote: »

The day I apologie for disceplining (sp?) my children is the day they have won.

Maybe its the day your children learn that adults are fallible and human too and perhaps even start to consider more how their actions affect their parents.

Since when are you in competition with them anyway!?!

lauren_1

elisamoose wrote: »

Not going to give my personal opinion but I work in a school and if a child told me that a parent ( or other adult) had put them over their knee and hit their bare bottom , I would have to log it and pass to the designated person for referral to social services.They would then decide if any further action was taken, usually after interviewing the parents and possibly a medical examination of the child.

And thats the fear that most parents have, to discipline a child and run the risk of having some noses shoved in to your family life..or to let the child run riot.

Lets face it, some kids are pains in the !!!!!!, some kids laugh in that face of every attempt of punishment and some kids really could do with a swift smack on the legs. Praise the good and ignore the bad....its just going to end in tears for the next generation.

lauren_1

Person_one wrote: »

Maybe its the day your children learn that adults are fallible and human too and perhaps even start to consider more how their actions affect their parents.

Since when are you in competition with them anyway!?!

I am not in competition with my kids, but they sure as hell do not rule my house.

warehouse

Disciplining children is not difficult. You tell them you will take a certain action if they misbehave again, AND YOU STICK TO IT, every time. Unfortunately even that simple task seems to completely dumbfound most parents.

fernliebee

I know children who have been smacked (not beaten but smacked) and they are still just as naughty, because the parents are smacking them when THEY have had enough/ or are angry, and not actually letting the child know what it is they have done wrong. They have been spoilt at other times, and the same behaviour overlooked just because parents are in a good mood.

I also know many children that are well behaved and have never been smacked.

Personally I was smacked once, my mum was shocked she had done it, and apologised straight away. Not for punishing me, I was being a cow, but for losing her temper and lashing out. As an adult I can see that I deserved it, it didn't harm me, didn't even really hurt much was just the shock, however it didn't achieve much, other than to learn that my mum was big enough to admit when she felt she was wrong, a lesson I stand firm by today.

IMO the most important thing whether smacking or using other sanctions is to be consistant, tell the child what it is you want them to stop (not just "stop winding me up" as I have heard some parents say) and above all be fair. I am shocked at how many people wouldn't apologise to their child even if they were in the wrong. It doesn't show weakness, it shows strength!

Rach39

That's a very good point about the reasons for the smack, whether a controlled punishment or a knee jerk reaction when you are stressed to the hilt and your child has just pushed you over the edge. I'm honest enough to say that my ds could do the same thing on two separate occasions and depending on my mood (and the time of the month) I could merely chastise one time and go off my rocker the other! After saying that, I've only ever smacked him a couple of times when he was really little and unable to reason with. Interestingly my dh has never so much as raised a finger to him and yet he's far more effective with the discipline with just a look or a word that I could be with a whole armful of slippers (and no, before you start, I have never hit my son with a slipper!) I remember when DS was only about 2 and whinging like mad just as we were going in to Tesco. DH growled "If you don't start behaving I'm going to hammer you!" (an idle threat obviously but we were v stressed with his behaviour!) DS spent the entire trip round Tesco in the trolley yelling "Oh daddy, please don't hit me with a hammer!" DH was needless to say completely mortified and had to leave the store! :eek:

bestpud

jamespir wrote: »

and its thanks to parents with that attitude that kids are getting away with murder

lots of adults my age were smacked as kids (infact apart from a sharp slap to the legs sometimes i dont think i was properly spanked but the threat of it was enough for me )and i dont think it did us any harm

Well, it's difficult to prove one way or another isn't it?

How interesting would it be to ask every adult who has committed a crime (or just murder) if they were smacked as a child?

The responses on here seem to suggest prisons are full of adults who were never smacked as children whereas I'd like to bet the opposite is true.

jamespir wrote: »

if you apologise your baasically saying you were wrong and the child will see it as he can do what he likes

Are you saying you want your child to think adults never get things wrong.

Don't you want them to learn it is ok to make a mistake and it takes a bigger person to make amends?

I certainly don't want mine to think I am perfect as I'm not - nobody is! They need to learn we all mess up sometimes but it's what we learn from it that matters.

lauren_1 wrote: »

I am not in competition with my kids, but they sure as hell do not rule my house.

Now there's the thing - my children certainly don't rule my house either, but I don't smack them.

Are you really suggesting smacking is the only way we can discipline children?

It's the easier option of course but that doesn't make it more effective in the long run.

vixarooni

I think you need smacking and words to discipline children. I was smacked and ive been been in a physical fight or done anything bad most of my life!

I hate namby pamby parenting, i work in a shop and see it constantly! "Ohh jonny dont do that" and they carry on.......and the parents repeat it and they carry on... and then we need to step in because they cant control their offpsring. Its awful the parenting now a days, no child will ever have a strong authorititive figure in there lives and im looking forward to seeing the result of this later in life when they get a job or something.