Today I put my 5yo ds over my knee & smacked his bare bum - I'm mortified with myself

LeeSouthEast

ofgs. I used to get beaten by my mum with a wooden spoon. It turned me into an upstanding member of the human race.

Penelope_Penguin

Mics_chick wrote: »

If we make him sit still on a naughty chair then he's clambering all over it or standing on his head???
If we tell him off or give him a tap he's laughing at us?
It sounds funny now but I want to discipline him effectively without having to feel like this again.

Do you mind my asking, do you ever threaten him with things (his dad, stopping priveleges, taking things away, etc) and then not carry them through? It sounds like he knows that you won't really do anything to stop his bad behaviour. If you're not 100% certian that you'll carry through with a threat, then don;t threaten.

When mine were little and did things that I didn;t want, I made it perfectly clear that the behaviour wasn;t acceptable. If they persisted, I didn;t engage with them, but just made sure they couldn;t continue (took away the toy, put them out of the room, etc). They soon knew where the boundaries were.

As bestpud says, pick your battles carefully

Tkae care of yourself, I know from other posts that you've made that you're not a bad person or bad parent :A

Did you ever get that dress in your avatar, btw :cool:

jamespir

i dont think you have any need to feel guilty you gave your child the discipline he needed by the sounds of things i say good on you

pigpen

LeeSouthEast wrote: »

ofgs. I used to get beaten by my mum with a wooden spoon. It turned me into an upstanding member of the human race.

Lucky you.. I got a wooden hairbrush.. with metal bristles... or a belt!!

*sigh* what I'd have given for a spoon

busiscoming2

I smacked my children when they were young, on the odd occassion, after numerous requests and warnings. I don't necessarily think it does harm, as long as it obviously not hard. But I found they soon learnt I meant what I said. I didn't know about the naughty step with with my elder two, and tried to use it with my youngest, but I simply couldn't get him to stay in place. He thought it was a game and I just got more exasperated!
When they were young if they mis-behaved when they were out, I would threaten them with taking their trousers down and smacking their bottoms in public and warned them one of their friends from school may be in the shop too - worked a treat.

This all makes me sound like some kind of child beating mother, but I hardly ever had to smack them, the threat was enough, and NEVER did it in public. Of course as they got older having things stopped or being unable to watch a favourite tv programme and the good old star chart worked a treat.

busiscoming2

pigpen wrote: »

Lucky you.. I got a wooden hairbrush.. with metal bristles... or a belt!!

*sigh* what I'd have given for a spoon

Ours was a damp teatowel round the top of the arm or legs although we did get threatened with a 3ft wooden rule! I remember the last few inches being taped on, but don't remember how it got broken, don't remember it ever being used! Lol!

LeeSouthEast

I'm sure shortly some enterprising young journalist will find a "clear link" between disciplining your children and ending up in debt in adulthood..

Just you wait... ! Mark my words........

Eagle_1

Praise, praise and more praise is the best way forward. Even if you think its something little to him it gives him confidence, he will feel good about himself and he will try to make you happy. He wants your attention so just focus on the good behaviour and ignore the bad (as hard as that is). He wants to hear you say "Wow arent you clever" "Thats brilliant" blah blah.

My DD used to be a pain sometimes lol, things like not putting toys away or being cheeky etc. So when she did do something id say "We were going to McDonalds for tea but because of your behaviour we arent" . So even though we werent even going (I told her little porkies lol) to her she had something she really wanted taken from her. See I could have smacked but that would hurt for a few mins but going out for tea, I can tell you which hurt her the most lol.

If you threaten to do something though you 'must' carry it through because if you dont it sends wrong signals out.

So yes, Praise him all the time, he'll get there.

pigpen

aahh Eagle_1.. but then you get the 'OMG!! You cannot tell your child LIES.. they will think it is ok and end up as felons!!!!'

Craftyscholar

pigpen wrote: »

Did he explode?
Did it kill him?
Does he still bear the bruises?
Does he flinch every time you go anywhere near him?

I didn't think so..

One slap on the bottom will not do him any harm whatsoever, it may however may make him think twice before behaving in such a manner again.. for a while at least.. the threat of another slap is usually enough for several months..

Mine have had their share of smacked bottoms.. usually thigh actually.

It is an effective deterrent which is what makes it work better.

I used to get one slap, bum or top of thigh. Mum used to say one was effective for about six months.:rotfl:
I was wrong - I got punished - end of. Why should she have apologised???
Anyway most of the time 'the look' was enough!

Oh and I did not turn into some violent monster as a result.