Miscarriage support

portsmouthali

RedwoodBrook wrote: »

Thank you, although I'm not sure the things I have to say would be relevent. Having had both a miscarriage and a stillbirth, I know which I found harder to cope with.
I wouldn't want to be seen to be belittling the experiences of the other women (and men) who use this thread by saying mine was 'worse' and in the course of discussion I may well do that. I wouldn't mean to be insensitive, I just find it difficult to discuss with anyone other than my soon-to-be (yay) husband.

Hopefully I won't feel like that forever and will be able to come back here. I wish you all the very very best in the meantime.

I know what you mean - I have a friend who lost a son at 6 weeks to cot death some years ago, and although she's never told me not to, I've never spoken to her at length about my miscarriages other than to say "It's happened". I would feel insensitive.

If you feel up to it at some point, why not do as I did and start your own thread? I started this one as I couldn't find another one and it's helped me so much.

Wishing you all the best too xxx

tiny_tear

portsmouthali wrote: »

Hey tinytear, so sorry for your losses. I have had many many moments when I've feared for my sanity over the last 18 months or so. I hope you feel you can continue to post here when you need a bit of support. It's a long road, and I wish you all the best xxx

Thanks. I think the next week will be a build up of 'weird' feelings as I build up to the appointment at the Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic.

On one hand, I don't want anything to be wrong, on the other hand I half want them to point to me *this* is the problem, go and take some aspirin and you will be fine...

But after this appointment it will be still a few more weeks before the tests come back, so still more waiting in the cards...

SusanC_2

Please excuse any posts which disappeared - I forgot to turn my signature off...

tiny_tear wrote: »

I have now sent a PM to the OP on the other thread and edited my post there and others were removed at my request.
Apologies for a blip in my sanity, i had a very tough week.

Well done and there is no need to apologise here.

Also, I was going to mention something which can be helpful in avoiding people upsetting you in direct conversation (although it wouldn't help in the case of threads you lurk in and find upsetting) and that is to have something suitable in your signature. I am currently suffering from something which people generally don't take seriously and after being upset a couple of times by replies people made to me (which they wouldn't have said if they knew the background behind what I had posted) I put a line in my signature which draws attention to how serious that condition can be. It may be coincidence but since doing that I haven't had the kind of conversations which caused me to be upset.I've no idea what you could put or whether you would even want to but I just thought I'd mention it as something which could potentially be helpful.

Nicki wrote: »

I think the last few posts are a shame. If you wanted to post these sentiments wouldn't they be better on the thread in the housing section rather than here? Isn't the whole point of this thread to be a place where women can come when they feel raw and vulnerable and vent about the things which have roused strong feelings in them, most of which are things which are perfectly reasonable and innocuous in themselves such as a friend announcing a pregnancy, but painful in the aftermath of losing a child.

Thank you for pointing out that my posts could be misinterpreted - I certainly wasn't intending them the way you appear to have taken them and your post meant I was able to PM t_t an apology in case she had taken them the same way as you.

My intention was not to come across as criticising or attacking t_t. I do feel however that to validate her perception of what happened and her view that the lady concerned was unreasonable would not have been supportive. This is because to be able to cope with all these every day references to pregnancy/babies one needs to adopt a practice of avoidance and acceptance - avoidance where possible of those things which will upset you and acceptance that it is your own issue/problem and not the fault of whoever inadvertantly triggers the upset. If somebody does not avoid/accept then they will be upset unnecessarily hampering their recovery and ability to cope because of their continued exposure to things which upset them and their view that this is the fault/responsibility of others and not themselves. Although my posts were not done in the best way, I was attempting to help t_t realise the need for avoidance/acceptance as I see this as crucial for coping/recovery. In my eyes, not pointing it out would have been encouraging her to continue in a behaviour and mindset which would be harmful/unhelpful to her and therefore unsupportive.

I'm not saying I'm right or that everyone should agree with me but that is the way my posts were intended and I am sorry that they gave a different impression.

tiny_tear wrote: »

Thanks. I think the next week will be a build up of 'weird' feelings as I build up to the appointment at the Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic.

On one hand, I don't want anything to be wrong, on the other hand I half want them to point to me *this* is the problem, go and take some aspirin and you will be fine...

But after this appointment it will be still a few more weeks before the tests come back, so still more waiting in the cards...

I couldn't give you figures but I know that some things that they find they can do something about. Also if they don't find anything, your odds of the next pregnancy being successful go back up to 70%.

RedwoodBrook wrote: »

Thank you, although I'm not sure the things I have to say would be relevent. Having had both a miscarriage and a stillbirth, I know which I found harder to cope with.
I wouldn't want to be seen to be belittling the experiences of the other women (and men) who use this thread by saying mine was 'worse' and in the course of discussion I may well do that. I wouldn't mean to be insensitive, I just find it difficult to discuss with anyone other than my soon-to-be (yay) husband.

Hopefully I won't feel like that forever and will be able to come back here. I wish you all the very very best in the meantime.

I think it is totally understandable that you would have found a stillbirth much harder than a miscarriage. I also think you show great strength in being able to think about and recognise the potential for inadvertently upsetting other people and I do hope you can find somewhere where you do feel able to discuss it. I was actually thinking of you today before I logged on (I remember you from the TTC thread) and thinking how personally I would probably find stillbirth much harder than either miscarriage or losing a living child because it means enduring a full pregnancy but then never getting any of the benefit.

mnc

Hi everyone,

The lovely ladies over at 12mnths+ttc have pointed me in this direction. Reading lots of your experiences have helped me to realise that I am not alone in what is happening to me. I am 35 and have been trying to conceive with hubby for 18 months with no success.
I was devastated when my latest period started but then over the weekend I realised that although I had been having light bleediing for a week, I had not had the usual couple of days with heavier bleeding at all yet. I decided to try a PG test on Monday night just out of interest and I couldn't believe it when there was a faint positive.

Yesterday, I went to the doctors on an emergency appointment and she confirmed I was 5 weeks pregnant and contacted the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit. They said they were not worried by the slight bleeding and gave me an appointment for next Tuesday to go have a vaginal ultrasound to see if they could find anything. Later on in the day as I got up from sitting on the sofa for a long time I could feel a lot more blood (sorry if TMI) and when I went to the toilet the blood was more bright red and a lot more of it. I panicked and phoned the doctors again who told me to go back down. The same doctor I'd seen in the morning had a look at my cervix, said it was slightly open and I was now going to have a miscarriage. She said to keep the appointment next week as they could check to see if everything had gone but try and be positive as we had conceived in the first place.

I'm feeling completely numb at the moment and don't know what to do with myself. Am now stuck waiting for the miscarriage to actually happen, the bleeding is the same as yesterday and has not got worse, I've got no pain or cramps yet and don't know how long it will be before it all actually happens. I realise that at 5 weeks my experience is nowhere near as bad as some of you have had but after so long trying to get pregnant and this happens the very first time, I feel completely heartbroken at the moment. In some ways I just want my body to get on with it so that we can put the experience behind us and get back to trying again. Sorry for the long post and ramble.

QQuaver

mnc wrote: »

I'm feeling completely numb at the moment and don't know what to do with myself.

I'm so sorry for your loss(((hugs))).

Mine was a missed miscarriage in that I had absolutely no symptoms or bleeding to indicate that my baby died a week earlier at 10 weeks.
I had an op to remove the remains, and the waiting for the op was the worst. It was probably the longest 3 days in my life. Time had stopped for me, and seeing my DH upset was the worst.

This was all back in August 2009, and time does heal quite a bit.
I haven't got pg since then which is a shame.

Perhaps light a candle for the baby? That's what I do every year on the anniversary of my mc op.

Take care, and remember your OH/DH is sad too.

mnc

Thank you QQuaver for sharing your experience with me, I'm so sorry to hear what happened. I've been trying to keep myself busy today but it's hard when everytime I go to the toilet or feel a little twinge I wonder if this is it. There has been less bleeding today but I'm starting to get a little achey like I would before a period.

Lauralou

mnc i am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. At 5weeks all you may experience is bleeding. My earliest MC was at 6weeks and thats all i had bleeding no cramps. You may even pass without knowing (which again i didnt with my first MC)

Time will heal, i cant promise you will never have bad days, you will but you do have good and days its only natural.

Hope your OH is giving you lots off cuddles and remember he is going through it as well so alway talk to him about how you are feeling.

If you ever need a chat im happy to listen:)

mnc

Lauralou wrote: »

mnc i am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. At 5weeks all you may experience is bleeding. My earliest MC was at 6weeks and thats all i had bleeding no cramps. You may even pass without knowing (which again i didnt with my first MC)

Time will heal, i cant promise you will never have bad days, you will but you do have good and days its only natural.

Hope your OH is giving you lots off cuddles and remember he is going through it as well so alway talk to him about how you are feeling.

If you ever need a chat im happy to listen:)

Thank you Lauralou, I really appreciate your reply. I've been finding it hard not knowing what to expect and wondering if it has passed yet. I guess if I don't start to bleed heavier they will be able to tell me more at the ultrasound on Tuesday.

I had a chat with OH this evening, he's found it easier to think of the pregnancy already ended and is being philosophical about it but is being understanding of the way I feel.

tiny_tear

mnc wrote: »

Thank you Lauralou, I really appreciate your reply. I've been finding it hard not knowing what to expect and wondering if it has passed yet. I guess if I don't start to bleed heavier they will be able to tell me more at the ultrasound on Tuesday.

I had a chat with OH this evening, he's found it easier to think of the pregnancy already ended and is being philosophical about it but is being understanding of the way I feel.

yes, the first time the not knowing what was happening was worse. the third time I knew what was coming...

for me it was like a VERY PAINFUL period, with cramps and back pain.
I found strong ibuprofen for period pains helped.

it was like a period with some more clots (sorry for TMI) but copeable - the emotional side was worse than the physical one...

did you get a blood test done? they should measure your HCG levels and see if they are going down as that would mean your body is dealing with things naturally and you might avoid surgery.

hope everything goes smoothly for you

portsmouthali

I'm so sorry mnc xxx

My last loss was at 5 weeks and, like Laura, all I had was bleeding and no cramps to speak of. Not that it makes it any easier at all, it's still dreadfully sad. My thoughts are with you & your OH xxxx