Miscarriage support

pebblespop

skip

i had a mc in november. i found lots of comfort and ggod advice from reading this thread - think i read every post!

you will see lots of people who had been through this and even though it seems like the worst thing in the world so many people from this thread go on to have a healthy pregnancy next time.

the epu told me i could try again straight away but they like you to wait until your first period after mc for dating your next pregnancy. your first period should come 4-6 weeks after mc. mine came 5 weeks after i stopped bleeding after mc.

knowing how common mc is really helped me to think positively. i am going to ttc again from next month - they say you are more fertile in the months following mc. not sure how much truth is in that but i like the sound of it!

SusanC_2

Skip, I don't know the actual figures but it is more common to miscarry in a first pregnancy than subsequent pregnancies. Also, having had one miscarriage does not make any significant difference to your likelihood of miscarrying next time.

sjc3

SkipE wrote: »

Hi all, I am currently experiencing my first miscarriage. When starting TTC I never imagined I would miscarry. I have been totally overwhelmed by it. By the pain, the cramps, the aching and the emotional pain as well. I have been so shocked. It hurts.

I cant help but feel there is something wrong with me. I have short periods only 1 or 2 days a time and light flow. My periods are regular but light. I cant get away from the thought that I cant sustain a pregnancy.

I have a blood test today to confirm the pregnancy is over but I really want to see my doctor again. I want to know why my periods are so short and I want to know what happens now!? There seems to be little support for people who miscarry in early pregnancy. You dont belong anywhere. Doctors send you to the EPU, EPU dont want to know as your not pregnant anymore and thats it. Im left alone with loads of questions to wonder what went wrong and what happens next!? I dont even know if we can start trying again. I feel so very lost right now.

I felt just like you when I had my first miscarriage. It is a very scary and lonely experience. As you quite rightly say no-one really wants to know or help in the medical proffession. I rang my doctors panicking as I was bleeding heavily and was told there was nothing they could do, it looked like I was loosing my baby and if I had problems to go to A&E and they would monitor me. All very hands off and felt cold at the time. In reality there isn't much they can do but a little empathy, guidance and advice for the future would have been wonderful.

In the end I went private and was seen by a consultant in Harley Street. It didn't cost a fortune and gave me the reassurance and answers I needed. I had blood tests done and scans and it was concluded there was nothing wrong and that dh and I should try again. I was advised to wait till I after I had 2 more periods.

Sometimes womens bodies need a practice run with pregnancy before they can sustain one to term. My sister and my best friend had a miscarriage and both went on to have 3 successfull pregnancys.

I dont know if its a medical fact but it is said that some women can only carry one sex of baby. I have a little girl now, nearly 7. I do wonder if the babies I lost were boys.

Sending you a ((((hug)))) I bet you could do with it right now.

tiny_tear

Hello, new in this thread *waves*

Just facing this thread now as I have been keeping my head in the sand and today things just came to a head.

I had three miscarriages last year and I am being referred to the Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic - have my first appointment on the 1st March.
This week I had to fill out a form before my appointment so it all came flooding back to me and I was feeling a bit sensitive.

In the Housing forum where I tend to lurk - as I am selling my flat - someone posted with a signature with a bouncing icon and due dates and kept mentioning her pregnancy in every post where I felt it didn't have anything to do with the story, so I just exploded and explained that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and sometimes we don't need to be reminded when we keep away from pregnancy parts of forums...

And I placed her on my ignore list... and today I did the mistake of looking without logging in so her posts were visible and I saw she called me a drama queen and a sad little person.

honestly... this is just too much and I am trying not to cry here at my desk...

Thanks for listening...

chucknorris69

tiny_tear wrote: »

Hello, new in this thread *waves*

Just facing this thread now as I have been keeping my head in the sand and today things just came to a head.

I had three miscarriages last year and I am being referred to the Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic - have my first appointment on the 1st March.
This week I had to fill out a form before my appointment so it all came flooding back to me and I was feeling a bit sensitive.

In the Housing forum where I tend to lurk - as I am selling my flat - someone posted with a signature with a bouncing icon and due dates and kept mentioning her pregnancy in every post where I felt it didn't have anything to do with the story, so I just exploded and explained that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and sometimes we don't need to be reminded when we keep away from pregnancy parts of forums...

And I placed her on my ignore list... and today I did the mistake of looking without logging in so her posts were visible and I saw she called me a drama queen and a sad little person.

honestly... this is just too much and I am trying not to cry here at my desk...

Thanks for listening...

Hi,

Please don’t let this insensitive person upset you, they obviously have no decency if they are posting comments like that.
I hope that the appointment goes well in March and if you feel you want to talk about your experiences on this thread (you may not want to) then this may help as it certainly helped me.
Chuck x

tiny_tear

chucknorris69 wrote: »

Hi,

Please don’t let this insensitive person upset you, they obviously have no decency if they are posting comments like that.
I hope that the appointment goes well in March and if you feel you want to talk about your experiences on this thread (you may not want to) then this may help as it certainly helped me.
Chuck x

Thanks. I am feeling slightly better today.
It was a hard week at work...

these things just come and go. some day you are ok and fine and dandy and things look up, other days everything hits you very hard.

I might pop round here more often to see how everyone is doing...

thanks

RedwoodBrook

Does anyone know if there is a stillbirth thread? After reading a few of the posts on here im not sure this is the place for me. I am feeling ready to talk about things now.

Thanks in advance,

tbs624

chucknorris69 wrote: »

Hi,

Please don’t let this insensitive person upset you, they obviously have no decency if they are posting comments like that.

Whilst recognising the huge sadness and stresses that come with recurrent miscarriage, tiny_tear launched into a housing thread to personally attack another poster ( who is pregnant, living in a damp property and is facing an impending eviction ) apparently because she didn't like her signature's celebration of her pregnancy. Her pregnancy is viewed by others as relevant to the thread because of the timing of the termination of her housing contract. Another poster was already attacking the OP with unpleasant commentary about pregnant women.

Perhaps the OP in that thread could equally feel that it was insensitive of a home owner to leap in with comments which had nothing to do with offering any support or valid comment but more with Tiny_tears using the thread to express her understandable frustration and upset with her personal/medical situation.

Tiny_tears - you may like to know that you can
(a) use the ignore function
(b) choose to set your User CP so that other posters signatures are not visible to you
(c) choose not to return to threads that you find personally upsetting, especially when you are not logged in because of course your personal settings won't be operative.

The fact that you are currently having a really hard time should not make you totally oblivious to the fact that others have areas of stress in their lives too. Is it right to expect others to be sensitive only to your needs, whilst you lambast someone who is having also hard time?

I hope that both you and the OP in the other thread get the support that you respectively need.

SusanC_2

tiny_tear wrote: »

In the Housing forum where I tend to lurk - as I am selling my flat - someone posted with a signature with a bouncing icon and due dates and kept mentioning her pregnancy in every post where I felt it didn't have anything to do with the story, so I just exploded and explained that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and sometimes we don't need to be reminded when we keep away from pregnancy parts of forums...

And I placed her on my ignore list... and today I did the mistake of looking without logging in so her posts were visible and I saw she called me a drama queen and a sad little person.

honestly... this is just too much and I am trying not to cry here at my desk...

I'm very sorry for your losses and whilst I do understand your being upset by discussion of pregnancy, it is unreasonable to expect people to limit all mention of their pregnancy to special pregnancy boards. It's one thing if someone who knows you have had miscarriages, specifically talks about pregnancy *to* you - that is clearly insensitive but people who are pregnant shouldn't have to hide it, keep it secret and never discuss it in case someone else happens to be around who finds it upsetting.

It's not wrong that you found her posts upsetting but the appropriate course of action would have been just to put her on ignore until such time as you feel able to deal with posts which mention pregnancy. The responsibility is yours to avoid her posts - not hers to never mention her pregnancy. I have a FB friend about two weeks behind where I should have been who frequently posts about her pregnancy and posts scan pictures. I find it upsetting to see them but it is *my* problem and not hers. I have just set that person on "hide" so her posts don't come up in my news feed and will "unhide" her when I feel ready. I haven't told her as I see no reason why she shouldn't post about her pregnancy and no reason for me to taint her joy with my loss. If she was talking directly to me about it then that would be different but she isn't.

SusanC_2

I've now gone and looked at the thread you refer to and I feel you have really misrepresented the OP. Her being pregnant was relevant to her question because it is part of the relevant circumstances. Aside from her signature, the main reason her pregnancy kept being brought up was because from the very first reply to her, the majority of people replying were attacking her for mentioning. The way she was viciously attacked just for mentioning her pregnancy (which was a relevant circumstance) was totally uncalled for and I am shocked as although I have seen plenty disagreements and name calling, have never seen anything like that on MSE before. A lot of pregnant women on MSE mention their pregnancy in their signature (I do but I've turned it off in this and my previous post for obvious reasons) and many people with children mention them in their signatures. Why choose to attack someone for their signature who is already being attacked for mentioning their pregnancy and not one of the hundreds of others with signatures you find objectionable?

And incidentally, the lady you attacked does know about miscarriage from personal experience as evidenced by her post earlier on in this thread:

digitalphase wrote: »

Oh bless you hun, I really feel for you

I have suffered a MMC too at 8 weeks and that was awful enough, but thankfully now pregnant again. Terrified of something going wrong though.

Only you know what is best for you, but give your body time to heal and grieve for your little one. I am so sorry, I cannot imagine the pain of it.