Miscarriage support

ddebski_us

Hello ladies

Unfortunately I have my own story to add to the thread.

I was meant to be going for my 12 week scan this coming Monday but I found out yesterday that my bean (who I called Albert) had stopped growing at around 7 weeks.

I started brown spotting on Saturday and called my MW who showed no concern whatsoever, telling me just to wait until Monday. I knew something was wrong - I just *felt* it. I've had barely any symptoms (just sore b o o b s) and bloating really and scattiness. That all disappeared, I guess around the time Albert went to sleep.

I find it hard to know that I've been carrying him around with me oblivious to the fact that he wasn't really there. I've been talking to him and he was dead.

My bleeding is a lot heavier today and I'm booked in for an ERCP on Monday (the day my 12 week scan was meant to be). I want it all over and done with sooner rather than later so I can start to move on. However, the idea of replacing him breaks my heart and just the thought of BDing makes me cry.

My DH is very practical and doesn't seem to be grieving. I find this hard to cope with as I feel the loss. I guess for him, nothing really had changed apart from "fact".

I'm sure it gets easier but at the moment it doesn't feel like it will. I just want my baby Albert back.

xDx

QQuaver

ddebski_us wrote: »

My DH is very practical and doesn't seem to be grieving. I find this hard to cope with as I feel the loss. I guess for him, nothing really had changed apart from "fact".

I'm sorry (((Hugs))).

Your DH is probably grieving a lot, but as a man he tries to hide it and be strong for you. That's what my DH did anyway. Saw him sobbing alone in silence when he thought I was upstairs.

SusanC_2

ddebski_us wrote: »

My DH is very practical and doesn't seem to be grieving. I find this hard to cope with as I feel the loss. I guess for him, nothing really had changed apart from "fact".

I'm sure it gets easier but at the moment it doesn't feel like it will. I just want my baby Albert back.

:grouphug:

Like QQ says, he probably is grieving in his own way. I think though because we have all the hormones and because we have the baby inside of us, we are more constantly aware of the baby/pregnancy and therefore the loss results in a bigger change for us.

emsywoo123

ddebski_us wrote: »

I find it hard to know that I've been carrying him around with me oblivious to the fact that he wasn't really there. I've been talking to him and he was dead.


xDx

I rarely/never post on this thread, as although I have had a MC, I am now pregnant and so feel like a fraud on here, but this absolutely floored me.

I am so sorry for your loss xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

SusanC_2

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I rarely/never post on this thread, as although I have had a MC, I am now pregnant and so feel like a fraud on here, but this absolutely floored me.

You don't need to feel like a fraud just because you are now pregnant. Your loss is still real and your feelings are still valid regardless of whether you already have children or go on to have them afterwards. I find it encouraging when people post here who have gone on to have children subsequently as it helps counter the irrational part of me which sometimes thinks I will enever have another child.

jules68

So sorry ddebski

I am getting really annoyed with midwifes that say dont worry after you have bled or spotted.Twice they have said that to me and twice I have lost my little beans x It is so hard when you found your little one has died a few weeks before you have that scan.

Stay strong x

portsmouthali

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I rarely/never post on this thread, as although I have had a MC, I am now pregnant and so feel like a fraud on here, but this absolutely floored me.

I am so sorry for your loss xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Emsy me too (you're not a fraud btw, everyone is welcome!)

Debs, I know that there is nothing I can say to make you feel better but I only hope it brings you a little comfort to know that there are so many of us that know what you're going through.

I compared my OH to a robot around the time of my mcs, he showed so little emotion. But as QQ says, it doesn't mean he's not feeling it, men are just....different.There is a lovely poem on Page 2 of this thread that someone posted about men & miscarriage and it still brings a tear to my eye when I read it now.

I will be thinking of you over the weekend. Please believe me when I say that time does heal, and although you will never forget this time in your life, you will smile again, I promise xxxxx

FairyShazza

Deb I am so sorry to hear your news and am sending massive hugs to you hun.

For me one of the worst things about our missed miscarriage was the fact I had thought our little one was ok and like you was devastated when I realised that when I had been talking to him/her and rubbing my belly they had already gone

I remember thinking the same about my OH as he didn’t seem to be upset when I was in tears all the time at the drop of a hat. Eventually I got him to open up and he admitted he was trying to be strong for both of us as he felt he needed to look after me and was trying to ensure that he didn’t get too upset through fear of upsetting me more. Once we’d had a chat and really talked things through he had a little cry and said he felt so much better.

I expect your OH is just trying to put a brave face on so he can be strong for you. They do have a different way of dealing with things but the best advice I can give is try and sit down and talk to each other as much as possible. Remind him that you are there for him as much as he is for you – a lot of people concentrate on the well being of the woman after a mc/mmc and sometimes the men can get kind of forgotten about. Talking was one of the things that got us both through it and I am so glad that we were able to open up to each other as it actually brought us even closer together.

I hope that your ERPC goes well on Monday – we are all here if you need to vent or have any questions.

ddebski_us

Why do supermarkets think it is a good idea to put the sanitary towels in the same aisle as the nappies.

xDx

elliebobs

ddebski_us wrote: »

Hello ladies

Unfortunately I have my own story to add to the thread.

I was meant to be going for my 12 week scan this coming Monday but I found out yesterday that my bean (who I called Albert) had stopped growing at around 7 weeks.

I started brown spotting on Saturday and called my MW who showed no concern whatsoever, telling me just to wait until Monday. I knew something was wrong - I just *felt* it. I've had barely any symptoms (just sore b o o b s) and bloating really and scattiness. That all disappeared, I guess around the time Albert went to sleep.

I find it hard to know that I've been carrying him around with me oblivious to the fact that he wasn't really there. I've been talking to him and he was dead.

My bleeding is a lot heavier today and I'm booked in for an ERCP on Monday (the day my 12 week scan was meant to be). I want it all over and done with sooner rather than later so I can start to move on. However, the idea of replacing him breaks my heart and just the thought of BDing makes me cry.

My DH is very practical and doesn't seem to be grieving. I find this hard to cope with as I feel the loss. I guess for him, nothing really had changed apart from "fact".

I'm sure it gets easier but at the moment it doesn't feel like it will. I just want my baby Albert back.

xDx

Oh Lovey, I, and others on here, know exactly what it's like and what you're going through. it does get easier I promise.

On a more practical level, I don't know if you subscribed to any of the baby companies (aptamil, cow and gate etc). If so, your OH can help you by unsubsribing. Believe me, to still get the emails coming through whilst you're grieving is awful.

By asking your OH to do this (or anything else practical) can help him too by making him feel that he is useful; does that make sense???

Take things one day at a time, only you will know when you're ready.