Miscarriage support

Metranil_Vavin

Hugs Q...ultimately those milestones will always be difficult, but look to the future now.

I'm really gunning for you to get your BFP soon. Hoping the CBFM will work it's magic for you

I would have been 6 months by now!:eek:

I still dont really believe I'm preg. Dont think I'll breathe properly again until I see something on a scan.

Love and SBDTA x

alipops1986

I really need your help and guidance folks.

My brother [25] and his girlfriend [21] suffered a miscarriage this weekend, roughly 11wks into their pregnancy.

Although initially a suprize pregnancy, both families had come round to the idea and gettin rather excited. They had put deposits on a pram and made other plans. Their first appointment with the midwife was suppose to be this coming week.

Unfortunately, my parents are away on holiday so are not around to support my brother, although they have phoned him from abroad. We are a big family and both myself n sister have texted him or tried to spk to him on FB - to which he hasnt responded. Naturally, we are quite concerned.

What is the best thing to do for him? Any experience/advice would be welcomed.

Thanks,
Alipops

msb5262

Hi alipops,

Very sorry to hear this news.

The 11 week thing means that your brother and his girlfriend will both have been starting to get some confidence in the pregnancy being real and being very likely to continue, so they are likely to be in a huge state of shock and sadness for a while.

Also a friend of mine miscarried at about that point and when she was scanned to confirm the lack of heartbeat, she saw a perfectly formed baby which was sadly not moving...she couldn't get over the fact that the baby was clearly a baby already.

It is a horrible time.

Don't be put off by the fact that your brother hasn't replied/acknowledged your messages - he probably can't bear to talk about it yet.

Just make sure you try to make contact, and that you build into your messages to them a statement that "of course" you don't expect to hear from them at the moment.

They will be reeling from the physical and emotional impact of losing their baby, and when they feel ready to respond/get in touch, that will be the right time.

Don't be afraid to say in cards/messages that you're sorry, or to send love, or say they're in your thoughts. Or if you don't know what to say, say that. At least they'll know you care.

Do offer practical help (if they're local, you could make a casserole and leave it on the doorstep - they can always chuck it in the freezer if it doesn't suit current needs...and they might want you to put away or get rid of things they've got around the house which are associated with the lost baby) and emotional help - it can be days, weeks, months, years down the line that they want to talk.

Above all keep the channels open even if they're not ready yet, so when they need you, you're there.

You are obviously a very caring and supportive family so your brother and his girlfriend are lucky people, despite this sad event. Some families just don't seem to be bothered - well done you.

Best wishes to you all

MsB

QQuaver

Thank youfor your kind words MsB & MV:)

alipops1986, I lost my baby at 11 weeks. Had a scan at 9 weeks where I saw the baby with strong heartbeat.
We thought that was a milestone, and were thinking of buying baby stuff.

I went private, so I had scheduled scan at 11 weeks, it was a missed miscarriage, so there were absolutely no mc symptoms, so when we saw the scan, the baby was considerably bigger, but its head leaned back, and was motionless. No heartbeat.

The worst thing was seeing my mum's expression and my dad's, then DHs. I just didn't want to see those faces again, or hear words of sympathy.
Your brother must be in shock.

MsB said everything so I won't add more.
(((Hugs))) to all.

Metranil_Vavin

Q I remember seeing OH's face too when I went for my final scan

I couldn't see the screen, so kept repeating 'can you see it, is everything ok?', and I could just tell by his face that it was over. That plus the doctor had turned the screen to face me immediately the first 2 scans I'd had to put my mind at rest that there was a heartbeat. This time she didn't and just said 'give me a moment and I'll explain everything'.



I just remember my blood feeling like it was running cold.

My mum was in the room too. It was all so awful, and I think after that I couldn't hear what the dr or anyone else was saying.

I hope I never have to visit that EPU dept ever again

Hugs all round xxxx

jimbms

alipops1986 wrote: »

I really need your help and guidance folks.

My brother [25] and his girlfriend [21] suffered a miscarriage this weekend, roughly 11wks into their pregnancy.

Although initially a suprize pregnancy, both families had come round to the idea and gettin rather excited. They had put deposits on a pram and made other plans. Their first appointment with the midwife was suppose to be this coming week.

Unfortunately, my parents are away on holiday so are not around to support my brother, although they have phoned him from abroad. We are a big family and both myself n sister have texted him or tried to spk to him on FB - to which he hasnt responded. Naturally, we are quite concerned.


What is the best thing to do for him? Any experience/advice would be welcomed.

Thanks,
Alipops

Best thing you do is just be there for them, most of all your brother, his wife quite rightly will get quite a bit of support but as many of us has said before the partner tends to get left out and feel very alone and isolated, you as his brother are the ideal person to allow him to let his grief out, that way he will be in a stronger possition to support his wife. Also let them both know they are welcome here if they need people to talk to who understand what is happening to them.

portsmouthali

alipops, everyone else has given great advice which I completely agree with, so just wanted to say sorry to hear the sad news xxxx

Hugs to Q, hope you're feeling a bit better. And hugs to anyone who needs one (which is all of us, I reckon )

xxx

Metranil_Vavin

Hi Ali...how are things with you hon? x

portsmouthali

Hey MV:wave: I'm not too bad thanks. Have good days and bad days, you know how it is hope you're well xxxx

QQuaver

Just a little note, as some of you may know, I haven't conceived yet since my mc in August. I have very irregular periods (late ov).

As I have a sister with PCOS, and quite a lot of mc relatives (maternal grandmother, mother and her 2 sisters, all with 1 mc), I was anxious that it'll happen again, so after carefully weighing out the odds, I went to a private fertility specialist on Wednesday, and was diagnosed with PCOS:o

I see people with PCOS have higher instances of mc (45-50%), so it was really worth it to find out now. There are drugs I can take to induce ovulation and drugs I could take during pregnancy to help prevent mc, so better late than never.

I'm not overweight (BMI 21), but have high cholesterol as does my mum and PCOS sister. They all have irregular periods. I had my irregular AF checked long time ago, and was told it was not PCOS, but it was only one test, and I was oving at the time, so they may have missed it.

I feel a lot better now that I know, wish I went sooner:)