Miscarriage support

portsmouthali

Hi Hoopy,

All you can do is what you're doing now - let her know you're there for her if she needs you. She may be in shock (not meaning to be dramatic - I found the whole thing VERY shocking) and blocking you guys out may just be her way of dealing with the fact that you know, more than anyone, how much she is hurting. Sometimes it's easier to put on a front with family, but not so much with our friends who REALLY know us.

Everyone is different - I am an open book, who will talk about my feelings to anyone who'll listen , others take more time. I've found the hardest thing to deal with is that people expect you to get over it fairly quickly - 8 months on from my first m/c, I don't feel I'm anywhere near over it

The fact that you've posted here shows what a great friend you are She's lucky to have you xxx

QQuaver

Hi, Hoopylass. She may like some space to grieve.

She might be more comfortable talking to just one of you at a time.
It may be hard for her to talk about anything other than her baby, since it'll always be at the front of her head for some time now.
It's not something one can get over. It'll feel less raw later on, but telling her that won't help her now.

What she needs now is another person who also went through mc to talk to;)

Hoopylass

QQuaver wrote: »

Hi, Hoopylass. She may like some space to grieve.

She might be more comfortable talking to just one of you at a time.
It may be hard for her to talk about anything other than her baby, since it'll always be at the front of her head for some time now.
It's not something one can get over. It'll feel less raw later on, but telling her that won't help her now.

What she needs now is another person who also went through mc to talk to;)

Yes i agree totally...she signed up to miscarraige counselling but cancelled it twice she says she is not ready to talk about it just now however I really think she does.

Thanks for the advice ladies...its horrible watching one of your friends so upset.

gratefulforhelp_2

hoopylass her boyfriend may need a bit of support too. My DH was in floods and he's not a demonstrative person. Is there someone who can help the boyfriend too??

Hoopylass

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

hoopylass her boyfriend may need a bit of support too. My DH was in floods and he's not a demonstrative person. Is there someone who can help the boyfriend too??

I think he is finding it hard aswell especially as he went through this with his ex wife a few years back, i did try and gently suggest to my friend that the counselling would be good for him too but i dont think she is convinced.

jimbms

Can you get them both to look on here, it's a start and may make them realise they are not alone. many of us here are more than willing to help both of them.

QQuaver

I didn't need counselling. I just went online and read/posted on miscarriage forum:cool: She may be doing the same. Don't nag her:)

Lauralou

hoopylass As the others have suggested tell her about this forum (or even another one as she may not feel comfortable with you being a member on here) I couldn't really talk to anyone in real life about my mc's but being on here has really helped me. to be honest if i didn't join on here i would be in a dark corner rocking backwards and forwards.
Sometime people find it easier to talk to people who they don't know in real life.
Just make sure she is aware that you will always be there for her if she ever wants to talk:)

QQuaver

It's my 1st wedding anniversary today, and someone sent us flowers and a card yesterday. Got few emails today too.

Felt really sad:(

I conceived the week after our wedding last year, and imagined a baby by today. We lit our special wedding candle and it was hard to hold back the tears in front of DH (made it though).

Hope we'll have a baby by our next anniversary, and somehow disassociate our wedding with lost baby:cool:
(Had mc op few days before my birthday, so better get a baby in before August:o).

msb5262

QQuaver wrote: »

It's my 1st wedding anniversary today, and someone sent us flowers and a card yesterday. Got few emails today too.

Felt really sad:(

I conceived the week after our wedding last year, and imagined a baby by today. We lit our special wedding candle and it was hard to hold back the tears in front of DH (made it though).

Hope we'll have a baby by our next anniversary, and somehow disassociate our wedding with lost baby:cool:
(Had mc op few days before my birthday, so better get a baby in before August:o).

QQuaver - I'm so sorry. It's horrible to get to these "landmark" dates and it sounds as if it's been incredibly painful and sad.
I'm glad you were able to remember your lost baby and think of your DH at the same time when you lit your special candle...don't keep holding back the tears, though. It's not healthy and will make your heartache worse.

Hope you have many happy anniversaries to come. I'm glad you still really love each other as that's how life keeps going.

Very best wishes to you and your DH today and for the future

MsB x