Miscarriage support

Gelly123

Hi Manc, glad you are home and everything went well.

Hope you recover quickly and remember we're always here if you need us.

Gelly
X

MancMama4

Back at work today and everything feels like its moving in slow motion. My hormones must've taken a bit of a tumble overnight as I feel totally desolate today - I almost couldn't walk into the office. I'm here though and I see life has moved on as expected. Another pregnancy announcement while I was off and another one whose wife is in labour. It all just feels so cruel. I just want to feel normal. I don't know if I ever will.

Physically, things are progressing as well as they can I think, little bleeding and minor aches but nothing even painkiller worthy which I guess is as best as I could hope for.


I don't even know why I'm posting, I guess its just habit now to come here xx

Gelly123

Hi Manc,

If you don't feel strong enough, physically and emotionally, to be at work, please go home. Nobody expects you to do anything you aren't ready for.

I think I took between 3-5 days off work after each ERPC so you've gone back fairly quickly.

Physically, your recovery sounds rather like mine, the bleeding eased off after 4-5 days but did continue like a light AF/spotting for approx 2-2.5 weeks.

You will feel normal again, I promise, but you will always have memories of your little angel in your heart.

We're here for you xxx

flutterbyuk25

Manc sweetie, go home and take some time off. I took 2.5 weeks off after my mc last year (a natural mc, unlike yours) and I still struggled on my return. Your GP will sign you off work. You need time to deal with the emotional side as well as physical. Take care xx

MancMama4

Hi Both,

Thank you for responding, it really does help. I managed to get through yesterday and actually got some work done in the afternoon which helped, my boss has been great and said I can take my laptop and work from home whenever I need to/want to but I feel a little calmer and "together" today and felt I could come in. Could it be all the hormones racing around out of my body making me feel so off kilter?! I had a couple of bad headaches yesterday which I think were hormone related, they've gone today though.

My friend at work made me a bracelet to wear which she thought might help, it has rose quartz and some other crystals which promote healing etc, more for the thought than anything, but I'm finding strength in wearing that somehow.

Hoping for a good day today Xx

Gelly123

Hi Manc

Glad you feel a little calmer today. I generally felt ok until somebody asked me if I was ok and then I cracked and cried so please don't stay in work if you aren't ready to.

As you say, your hormones will be all over the place. Everybody is different but for me, I found that my face became extremely flushed and when I spoke to the GP, she said it was because they were crashing following the op.

What a lovely friend you have work - such a sweet and thoughtful gift to make you and if that's how you find your strength, then absolutely go for it. We all find our strengths in various ways and what works for some, doesn't always work for others.

I hope you have a good day too.
x

athensgeorgia

On 18th December I was 11+2 and started spotting. I went to A&E and had blood tests, urine test and my cervix checked and was told I still looked pregnant and to go home and if the bleeding was heavier or I started clotting to go back. They tried to get me booked in to the EPU but the only appointment they had was on Wednesday 23rd December and I already had my 12 week scan booked for the same day and was told to carry on with that.

The bleeding began to be a bit heavier on the Saturday and by the Monday I was in pain. I went back to A&E on the Monday and as I got booked in I went to the loo and passed something/a clot. I had further bloods done and was told my HCG had come down from 11,000 to 7,000 so I was probably miscarrying and they couldn't get me in to the EPU until 31st December and to carry on with my antenatal scan. I went for it on the 23rd, the receptionist was very standoffish as I hadn't brought a urine sample which set me off crying, we were told in A&E that my notes would be updated and they would be aware of our situation.

I then went in for my scan and told the sonographer that I was bleeding heavily and we were miscarrying and I was in a lot of pain. She scanned me and said she couldn't see a baby and put me in a room. When the doctor came I explained about the heavy bleeding and the pain I was in and she said she would have a look as there may be blockages in my cervix which was causing the pain. There was, which she removed and I felt the pain ease instantaneously. I was told to go back on 4th January for another scan to make sure everything had come away. Which it had.

I've now got to do a pg test on Saturday to make sure my HCG level has returned to normal, which I'm dreading. I did so many tests originally as I couldn't believe that I was pg and now it's going to bring back those memories.

This whole process has been traumatic. As it was the run up to Christmas I still had stuff to do and had an awful experience in public. I managed to get on with things but I'm really struggling.

Physically I feel a lot better. The bleeding stopped but from start to finish lasted 15 days. It had stopped on the Saturday, I came back to work on Tuesday 5th and spotted again that day and the 6th. I was already having an awful time in work. I'm so tearful which is just not like me. I'm still having problems now. It was only yesterday I was crying to a colleague when she asked me how I was feeling.

On Friday, I sat outside my house for 40 minutes because I couldn't face going in and when I eventually did I was crying uncontrollably. It's really getting me down because I'm not usually a crier and feel really embarrassed crying in work.

I feel guilty because the pregnancy wasn't planned and we weren't sure what we were doing and now I just want it back. Guilty because I feel so distraught and I'm not sure if I should be better by now. Selfish because I already have 3 children and there are women going through this more than once.

And I have questions that I can't seem to find definitive answers for. When will AF start so I can get back to normal. I'm still having cramping pains and thought that was it but there wasn't any blood left so was just getting the pains but it only lasted a couple of days so not AF. Should I still be so tearful now? Should it be constantly on my mind like it is? Is it normal to think about all the time but in the context of 'last time I was here I was pg'? I went on the work's xmas party and didn't fully enjoy myself because I was tired and pg and now I feel resentful of colleagues talking about how good it was.

flutterbyuk25

hugs athensgeorgia, sorry you had such a bad experience. I'll try answer some of your questions from my experience.

The tearful/crying went on for a long time. My mc was end of May and tbh I was still getting very emotional Oct/Nov time, and whenever my period arrived I would be devastated each month as we were TTC. It was on my mind constantly for a long while, and then certain things would set me off like seeing pregnant women, babies, adverts or tv progs about babies. I would have been due around now and a facebook friend has just given birth which brought all the emotions back but I feel better able to cope with it now.

My mc was 29th May and I had my first period 3rd July, so about 5 weeks later.

Guilt - You will feel guilty regardless of the situation but you should know that mc are unfortunately just one of those things that happen in nature. Whether you wanted or didn't want, or were unsure it was nothing you did/thought that made it happen. I only knew I was pg 4days before I started bleeding but already I had planned ahead in my head for baby arriving.

Some people do something to mark the mc - plant a tree/flower/set off balloons/tattoo etc. I didn't myself, but I will mark the anniversary somehow.

Hope some of this helps, it's an awful experience and one that isn't talked about enough. Although I did find that some friends would be great and tell me to talk which helped. x

athensgeorgia

Thanks Flutter for the reply.

How do I know the date of my mc? There doesn't seem to be consistent information when I Google it.

I saw another friend for the first time yesterday since it happened and I was crying again, which makes me feel bad again because I just want the crying to stop now.

flutterbyuk25

I went by the date the hospital confirmed it, but I had been spotting for a week before that. There is no definitive date I don't think, but that's the date that seemed to mark it IYKWIM.