Miscarriage support

Lara44

Oh Jen I'm so sorry to hear that How are you doing? I hope that the process progresses one way or another, its just awful being in stasis.

Since I last posted I had a surprise bfp and then another early mc. It really messes with your head

Gelly123

Hi Jen, I'm so sorry to hear your news - really hoping you are as ok as possible, despite how rubbish life is at the moment for you both.

I've got a bit of experience unfortunately having had 4 miscarriages and I've found that on 3 of them, my maternity exemption card has always arrived on the day (or the day after) my ERPC's - it's heartbreaking and so cruel.

I had a dental check up when I was last pregnant but sure I was losing that one too - officially, you are still pregnant so I would use it but, once I had had the ERPC, I would class myself as no longer pregnant and returned the card to the NHS.

If you've got any questions at all, I'm very happy to share my experiences with you, either through this forum or via PM so please don't hesitate to contact me.

Giving you both a big hug and hope you get some better news very soon.

Love Gelly
x

ncsmummy

So sorry to read all of your stories, life is so cruel. I hope you are all as well as can be.
Since my m/c in March 2013, we have been unable to conceive. Today is the anniversary of my EDD - 2 years today. Still makes me sad, and I am in an awful mood today. Not sure oh has any idea of the date - probably wonders whats going on. I dont like to bring it up, we try not to talk about it.

IamJen

Oh, I am sorry to read of all your losses. Lara, this was a surprise to us too. I cried and cried when I saw the (multiple) positive tests. I was sure that it was a mistake or menopause (I am 44!). I finally worked up the nerve to tell my husband maybe 10 days later(!). When we had the early scan at 8+4, our guard came down and we fell in love with that little fluttering heart. It seems so cruel that for about a year, we'd finally made peace with being a family of 3, only to embrace this new possibility and then have it snatched away. And now, I don't know how much is hormones, but the desire for another child is so strong. I weep for this child, but also for my daughter's loss of a sibling and just this whole future that had begun to take shape.

Gelly, that sounds so hard. We are thinking of trying again (waiting to see how we feel after we say goodbye to this baby), but the possibility of going through this again is daunting.

ncs - I would definitely mention it, in passing if nothing in depth, to your husband. Surely, even if it's not a tough time for him, it would help him to understand why you're a bit off. I know I will remember the 2nd of May for a long time to come. Working now on Christmas. We'd planned to surprise my family with scan pictures (would've been about 21 weeks).

Feeling slightly more at peace again today (had a super crazy teary day on Saturday, out of the blue) and hoping that we can get everyone here over this cold and say goodbye at last. Trying to brace myself for the tidal wave of emotions that is sure to come then too. Feeling a bit worried about the physical part, mostly just hoping that I can pass everything at home without having to go to hospital. ETA: I've been hoping to see some ideas online (lurking at MumsNet, etc.) about whether or not women knew with MMC when the bleeding was going to happen. Read some horror stories about things happening at work and getting intense really quickly. Hoping that it's more like labor where you have some inkling that the !!!! is about to get real.

Gelly123

Hi Jen

I've only lost one naturally as the rest have been surgically removed. It started with bright red blood on a Wednesday morning, spent the Weds afternoon at the hospital where they confirmed a MC was likely to occur soon, worked from home on the Thursday and as nothing seemed to be happening, I went back to work on Friday.

Walked back to the office from my car at lunchtime, I suddenly felt very wet and it was running down my legs. Thankfully I had black trousers on so it wasn't very noticeable. Tidied myself up in the toilets as best I could, packed my laptop up and went home then spent a couple of hours on the toilet as I lost our baby. No real pain but very achy. On the Saturday morning, I had some very sharp pains that knocked me for six and I had to lay down. They thankfully disappeared after an hour or so.

Bleeding continued for a few more days and then it was over.

Truly hoping you stay strong through this - big hugs
Gelly
x

lulu_92

I have my fingers and toes crossed for you Gelly

Jen, mine was bizarre. OH and I had sex then I noticed some pink when I went to the loo afterwards. It never really went away and it got worse and worse. I guess as mine wasn't a MMC there was no suddeness about it, but I will be honest, mine hurt. A lot. Not the passing as such but the cramps were unreal. Physically losing my baby wasn't painful but emotionally it was horrible. I'm now 14+5 with twins so there's always hope for the future.

I hope you are all looking after yourselves xxxx

MancMama4

I can see no one has been on this thread for over a month (yay, no bad news hopefully) but if anyone is perhaps still reading or lurking I will try to resurrect it, for my own sanity if nothing else.


I am currently going through a MMC... our 12 week scan would have been yesterday but had a bleed at 10+5 and scan at 11 weeks (last Friday) showed a 6 week old embryo (no HB). I have bled heavily now for a week and I think I may have passed everything but I have to go back in next week (22nd) to check and if not schedule a d&c.


I've come back to work today (probably a bad idea) as I don't want people to know what's happened (I was booked off anyway for a week). My boss knows and has been great but no one else does at work. Family and friends have been supportive, for the first day at least, but now the messages have stopped and everyone has rightly carried on with life and I am just empty... I feel so alone and desolate... my husband is my rock but even he can't get through to me. I just want to rewind a few weeks... please tell me it gets easier?


I am encouraged to see some names on here that I know have gone on to get pregnant again... Moog, Lulu, Gelly.


I feel so lost x

ThinkPink

Huge hugs mancmama.

It does get easier, well it has for me anyway, but it does take time, and even now there are certain things which trigger the sadness I felt, but it's important to just take each day as it goes, cry if you need to, and don't feel afraid to talk about it if you need too, we are here if you need to just chat.xx

minimuffin12

Hi mancmama couldn't read and run. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I had also had a mmc in March after a scan which I had no idea anything was wrong. Things do get easier but honestly at the time I felt so alone, even tho I wasn't. I had an erpc and when it was over I felt so empty and did for a while. I didn't take any time off work either as I just wanted to carry on altho my colleagues did know. All I can say is just be kind to yourself, take it one day at a time. Hope you don't mind me saying but We did decide to try straight away and I'm expecting again x

flutterbyuk25

(((((hugs))))) mancmama.

I had miscarriage in May and it deeply affected me. It took months before I felt like I had even partially started to deal with it. My friends and OH and work were extremely supportive. I took 2.5 weeks off work, I was not in a fit emotional state to go in and I work in a prison so need to have a game face on at all times. My friends support waned after awhile (which was normal) but one friend has been fab and regularly reached out to me. Poor OH had to deal with not only his emotions but me being a complete basket case at times too. He was fab.

I only knew I was pregnant for 4 days before I started bleeding but even in that short amount of time I had mentally planned things. You will be grieving for what you have lost. Allow yourself to grieve.

One piece of advice I would give is to wait awhile before trying again, although I see minimuffin12 says the opposite! Each person is different but in my case, we waited 2 months then started again but every month when I then got my period my whole world fell apart again and I would get so upset.

If you want to talk about it to people then talk. People don't talk enough about miscarriages and it can be seen as a taboo topic. But once you open up you will be surprised to see how many others have been through something similar.

There are some good websites with information out there too.

Please take some time and look after yourself. Thinking of you x