Miscarriage support

LittleMoog

lulu_92 wrote: »

Thought I'd dig this thread out as unfortunately I am in the midst of a natural miscarriage after 8 and a half weeks.

We had a private scan on 23rd May (7+2) and were told that the baby was perfect although measuring 5+5. The lady who did the scan wasn't going off gestational age so this date didn't match up with when I ovulated/BD'd that month.

I started bleeding on 30th May then it was confirmed this Tuesday.

I have been given no advice whatsoever so I'm a bit lost. Should I be back at work?

Obviously we're devastated, but with the lack of support medically we have no idea what to do next.

Hi Lulu,
Sorry again for your loss, as you know I'm in the same situation but about a week ahead
The nurse at our EPAU couldn't confirm at first scan last Wednesday that it was a miscarriage, but as baby measuring far behind where it should have been I was pretty sure, and she agreed it was likely, and as I was bleeding and getting heavier it was probably going to start naturally. I had a follow up scan a week later to confirm what had happened, and they said they would discuss further options then if everything hadn't come away (waiting for more time, medical management or ERPC).

For me I miscarried completely very quickly after the first scan, later that day I had contraction-like cramps and passed some very large clots and the gestational sac. The scan this week confirmed everything had come away so no further action was required. It wasn't until my second visit that they gave me a leaflet or anything, I guess as they couldn't really confirm at the first scan. They did give me open access to the Gynae ward in between my scans though, so if bleeding got very heavy, or I needed pain relief etc I could ring up and come int to be seen. I didn't need it though, have just had lots of hot baths and paracetamol when that wasn't enough.

I had the rest of last week off work and went back this week, once the cramps, pain and bleeding were settling down a bit. It's really up to you whether you feel up to working or not, I've found it a useful distraction, but I've been pretty tired and weepy in the evenings.

This is the leaflet I was given, and there are lots of other useful resources on their website: http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/wp/wp-content/leaflets/Your-Miscarriage.pdf

Gelly123

Lulu & LittleMoog - so sorry to see you both over on this thread.

It's a hard place to be but please feel comforted to know you are not alone despite how it feels right night - big hugs to you both and your other halves xxxxx

I can definitely recommend visiting the Miscarriage Association website as there's a wealth of info there that just isn't shared with you at the hospital / EPU.


Regarding work - only you know when you feel ready to go back and even then, you might not be ready and you may have to take longer. My gut reaction, having been there three times is to say, take at least a week off work but if you need longer, do so! Nobody is ever going to truly understand what you're going through unless they've been there themselves.

Everybody reacts differently to having a miscarriage - some people just get on with their lives as that's how they handle things, others struggle to get by day to day - there's absolutely no right or wrong answer here. Take every minute, hour and day as it comes - don't expect anything of yourselves and just be there for each other. Some couples find it drives a wedge between them but I wonder if that's because they don't talk. For us, it brought us closer - they were our babies, we all created them as a couple and you should share your emotions and feelings with each other. So many partners clam up and don't know what to say - if that's the case, don't say anything, just hug each other but do what's right for you.

I've had three now - 2 have been ERPC's and one was a natural miscarriage so I've got a bit of experience. If you want any info at all but don't want to share it on the public forum, please send me a private message and I'd be happy to help as much as I can.

Finally, big love and hugs to you all - it's a really cr*ppy time but stay strong for yourselves and each other. Day by day, it does get a little easier but even now, I still cry when it catches me out.

Love to you all
Gelly
xxx

minimuffin12

Hi ladies, sorry to see you here lulu and little moog. Lulu, I had a mmc in march. I didnt really take any time off work, had erpc friday back on monday, and I really regret that now. I just wanted to keep busy. But its a personal choice. I found the days after such a roller coaster, the anger, the emptyness, the unanswered questions etc

Hospitals can be so disappointing, the first I went to were not overly sympathetic but the one were I had erpc was great. Be kind to yourself we are all here for you. Xx gelly- I found the miscarriage website very good. The downloadable leaflet is v.helpful.x

msb5262

Hello lulu and little moog,

Sorry to see your sad news on here. I can only echo what others have said...take the time you need and be good to yourselves. Hope you have got through the weekend ok.

Love from MsB xx

Angel777

Hi Lulu,

Firstly sorry to hear of your miscarriage. I am sure many people have said that it is very common? Although when you are going through it, it doesn't really help you. I have suffered 2 miscarriages and 1 chemical miscarriage, one in June 2013, chemical in Nov that year then one in July 2014. It is a truly horrid thing to go through and I just wanted to offer you some words of comfort.
I think doing what you feel up to doing is manageable. I remember watching lots of documentarys on Netflix which really helped to keep my mind from wallowing. I did cry quite a bit too and just remember feeling empty and not feeling comforted at the time. My husband was fantastic so a support network is good, friends or forums can be good at the time too.
With work I personally felt ready to go back after 2 weeks the first time but I feel it was too soon for me. The second time I took off 3 weeks and just rested really at home. I thought one day I was ready to go out and face the world, I got 5 mins down the road, went into a shop and burst out crying, had to call my husband to come and fetch me.
Getting back into a routine helped for me but I know everyone is different. I also booked a holiday away which gave me something to look forward too.
7 months later after relaxing and enjoying life again, I discovered I was pregnant. I am now 17 weeks but I still take every day as it comes and to be honest it has taken the excitement out of it for me as I just want to get through each week. Things are going well though and it will happen for you too.
Keep your chin up, call on your friends/ family, do the things that make you feel better without the guilt and take it really easy.
Sending you hugs and please do pm me if you want to talk xxx

lulu_92

Thank you so much for the support everyone.

I'm back at work now, I went back on Thursday. I always feel guilty about taking time off sick and I don't want people thinking I'm milking it to get time off because a lot of people don't understand how traumatic it is.

I have my scan tomorrow to make sure that I have miscarried and to see if I need any medical intervention, so I've booked the day off and OH and I are having a lazy day, which we never get to do.

I think because my friends and family have been so amazingly supportive I've not been able to crawl into a hole and become a recluse. Instead I've spoken about it and have been able to enjoy the company of everyone.

OH's mum has annoyed me as she only messaged me yesterday (after knowing since last tuesday) and even then it was only to ask me how work was. she said that OH and I needed our space to be alone so that's why they've not called. I don't believe a word of that.

sweaty_betty

Lulu - I've been reading but not posting, how was the scan? Hope it told you clearly what was happening.

Things not looking great for me. I'm 13+3, but had heavy bleeding with clots today so waiting to go for a scan to find out what's going on. Unfortunately with my history of miscarriages I'm not holding my breath...

Hope everyone else is OK.

msb5262

Hi Betty, I was thinking of you the other day - hope you are ok. Any progress on a scan yet? xx

sweaty_betty

Thanks
Amazingly (after losing a lot of blood/clots) the scan showed baby still there. Am trying to have an easy day or two to let things settle down. So much for relaxing after the 12w scan...:o

Lara44

Betty that is really wonderful news How are you doing Lulu and LittleMoog?