Miscarriage support

tea_lover

I know what you mean about the time - I'm a couple of days off two years since our BFP (shortly followed by the wheels majorly falling off that wagon). We somehow managed to end up having IVF #2 exactly a year later so have the same anniversaries.

I can't quite believe it's nearly two years since I was pg. Or that's it's nearly a year since we gave up altogether.

Where does the time go?

samtoby

Felt the need to log in and just say hi. Hope all are ok as can be x

msb5262

I was wondering the other day how everyone was doing.

So sorry I didn't see your post in April, Miss Imaginative - hope you are getting by. It's awful when you post and nobody is around to respond.

To everyone reading this thread: Please feel free to post on here if you feel the need, no matter how long ago or how recent your loss. There IS usually someone here for you and everyone understands something of what you are feeling.

lulu_92

Thought I'd dig this thread out as unfortunately I am in the midst of a natural miscarriage after 8 and a half weeks.

We had a private scan on 23rd May (7+2) and were told that the baby was perfect although measuring 5+5. The lady who did the scan wasn't going off gestational age so this date didn't match up with when I ovulated/BD'd that month.

I started bleeding on 30th May then it was confirmed this Tuesday.

I have been given no advice whatsoever so I'm a bit lost. Should I be back at work?

Obviously we're devastated, but with the lack of support medically we have no idea what to do next.

Lara44

Hi Lulu, I'm so terribly sorry this has happened to you. I had a natural mc at around the same point in pregnancy two years ago now. You can choose to continue with the natural process or have some form of medical management. There's more information here. Have you been given these options by your healthcare team?

With a natural mc, I know people have had a range of different experiences with bleeding. Mine was relatively short. I hate hospitals and felt better at home by myself, but for others having an intervention is preferable than waiting it out at home. Do you have a sense of what is preferable for you?

Emotionally I really benefitted from time off to rest and recuperate. Is it an option open to you? Sometimes it is good to have the distraction of work but don't rush back too soon if you're not physically and emotionally ready.

Sending you massive hugs, I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby.

lulu_92

Lara44 wrote: »

Hi Lulu, I'm so terribly sorry this has happened to you. I had a natural mc at around the same point in pregnancy two years ago now. You can choose to continue with the natural process or have some form of medical management. There's more information here. Have you been given these options by your healthcare team?

With a natural mc, I know people have had a range of different experiences with bleeding. Mine was relatively short. I hate hospitals and felt better at home by myself, but for others having an intervention is preferable than waiting it out at home. Do you have a sense of what is preferable for you?

Emotionally I really benefitted from time off to rest and recuperate. Is it an option open to you? Sometimes it is good to have the distraction of work but don't rush back too soon if you're not physically and emotionally ready.

Sending you massive hugs, I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby.

Thanks Lara.

I'm booked in for another scan on Tuesday because (their words) "we can't say it's a miscarriage because miracles do happen, although in this case it's very unlikely" so it's basically to check that everything has gone. I was never given the option of medical intervention because the baby was already very low in my uterus so they said "it'd probably happen anyway." This is the 7th day of bleeding. I think it gets better then it gets worse for a bit.

I've not been told what happens after that, what painkillers to take, or anything. I wasn't even told what I should do when I got home.

I don't know how I feel. I came back to work yesterday but went early and today I feel rubbish but also feel like I have to be here. I just want to scream and cry and I can't do either. My work are being very supportive and have said I can go whenever, but I'm the kind of person that feels guilty if I take time off and I feel like I'd be taking advantage of their good nature.

Miss_Imaginative

lulu_92 wrote: »

I don't know how I feel. I came back to work yesterday but went early and today I feel rubbish but also feel like I have to be here. I just want to scream and cry and I can't do either. My work are being very supportive and have said I can go whenever, but I'm the kind of person that feels guilty if I take time off and I feel like I'd be taking advantage of their good nature.

Lulu, I am exactly the same kind of person in terms of feeling guilty taking any time off and was wracked with guilt having weeks off last year after my miscarriage. Everyone said this to me: s*d work. You need to focus on YOU right now. You need to take the time to do what you need, scream, cry, whatever - it is all part of working through the process. If you have any doubts about whether you should be in work or not, then you shouldn't be there. You will know when you are ready to go back - it sounds mad, it did to me, but you really do know when you are ready.

Can you give the EPAC/doctors a call and see if you can speak to someone over the phone in terms of giving you guidance on what to do medically/in terms of pain relief? It seems very wrong for you to be in the dark like this.

Mrs_I x

lulu_92

Miss_Imaginative wrote: »

Lulu, I am exactly the same kind of person in terms of feeling guilty taking any time off and was wracked with guilt having weeks off last year after my miscarriage. Everyone said this to me: s*d work. You need to focus on YOU right now. You need to take the time to do what you need, scream, cry, whatever - it is all part of working through the process. If you have any doubts about whether you should be in work or not, then you shouldn't be there. You will know when you are ready to go back - it sounds mad, it did to me, but you really do know when you are ready.

Can you give the EPAC/doctors a call and see if you can speak to someone over the phone in terms of giving you guidance on what to do medically/in terms of pain relief? It seems very wrong for you to be in the dark like this.

Mrs_I x

Thanks Mrs I

I've just gone with my instinct so I've got some strong Anadin and I'm not pushing myself too hard.

I haven't had any support since I found out. When I had my first appointment the doctor kept saying "you've found out so early you could miscarry and if you'd not have tested you would never have known" and "1 in 4 miscarriage, you know"

Went to the out of hours and they dismissed it.

Went to A&E and they dismissed it.

Went to EPAU and they broke the news then sent us on our way.

All in all I'm not very optimistic about everything. I might choose to have my antenatal treatment at the hospital in the next city over.

Lara44

I think it's very common to find these dismissive attitudes, which is depressing It makes bearing the heartbreak so much harder because nobody recognises how deep and powerful our feelings of loss are.

This is a real physical and mental trauma, and you mustn't feel bad about taking time off if it would help you to feel better. You definitely wouldn't be taking advantage. Sometimes just getting a bit of headspace is necessary, sitting in the park with a book, curling up on the sofa with a film. Just finding a bit of peace and a bit of comforting distraction. Massive hugs xxx

ncsmummy

Lulu, I am so sorry to hear your sad news. I had a m/c in March 2013 at 6 weeks and I found the complete lack of support made a hard time even harder. The doc at the epc was truly horrible, the whole way he spoke to us was really upsetting. I had a scan which showed no sign of baby and was sent home to wait it out but had to take a test a week later just incase it was ectopic as they couldnt see my tubes. Noone told me what to expect or what pain relief to take, we just had to muddle through.
So sorry to hear that you havent been given much help or support either, they dont seem to realise what difference it makes to us at that time.