Miscarriage support

Mrs_T_M

I have a few pregnancy tests in the back of Dale's book, and I have a few weeks worth saved for my current pregnancy as well. I put tape over them to 'seal' them to the page so that they aren't quite as icky, even though they are dry now.

Part_Mouse

Miss l sorry for the late reply. The last few months have been so difficult.tbh there's been many times the mmc has nearly torn us apart if I'm honest things are very much still a struggle.weve got lots of other stress going on aswell and my dh isn't a talker. He's offered to leave several times receintly which hasn't helped.stress of everything has been and is unreal.

I thought the bleeding had stopped but it started again over a week ago with no signs of slowing dowd. Had some biopsys done the other day in an attempt to get to the bottom of the bleeding.they expect they won't shed any light and have nothing more to offer me so have discharged me.

It's our wedding anniversary today and my birthday in a few days,should be over 15 weeks now so many low points and what if's.sorry for the moan ladies

I've kept my scan pics and + tests and for some reason the erpc paper work and letters relating to the mmc. I can't bring myself to get rid of them,its like they somehow are all we have to 'show' for. Being pg if that makes since?

Miss_Imaginative

Miss-L wrote: »

Miss I - Having gone through two miscarriages in the last year, I know anniversarys are hard. I still spend alot of time thinking about my babies. Plan something for your due date - don't leave it to act upon 'spontaneously'. I wrote earlier in this forum how I chose to remember my daughter (2nd miscarriage) if thats of any interest. I just think its makes it easier if you have a plan for the day rather than just wondering what you may do. It was an emotional day for me and I can't say it necessarily gets easier afterwards - my thoughts turned to what life would have been like mothering my much wanted and beautiful little girl. However, it's and important milestone - just try to celebrate the time you spent with your son Thomas. I like to think Thomas would have wanted to see you happy, after all babies are happy when their parent(s) are happy.

Thank you for the sound advice, Miss-L. We did okay on the due date - we had my parents round, we planned jobs to do on the house and planted Thomas' tree and his ashes. Really pleased we did that and a weight now feels lifted. Don't get me wrong, it still hurts like nothing else, but I do feel more positive about the future. Although I am fully expecting to have some bad days fairly soon, given how well Hubby and I have coped with the run up to (and on) the due date. Currently a bit perplexed at myself as I have just found out an old Uni friend has just lost their baby (found out at 20 week scan) and I shed no tears, even though they are in a very similar situation to myself. Sent them words of support and offered a shoulder should they need it.

Tilly, everyone else here has given really sound advice. It really takes time to get used to big social situations, I struggled with them for quite a while too. You've done the "first" big social event, that will always be the hardest and it does get easier after the first one, trust me on that. Take your time and do what feels right for you - if there's a gathering planned and you really don't feel up to facing it, then don't go and look after yourself. There is no time-line for grief sadly and it happens to each one of us differently.

Samtoby, I have kept our scan pictures of our little boy. I don't think it's unusual at all to keep them - your baby is still your baby regardless of whether they are still with us or not. But everyone is different and it is your choice what you do with the scans, but as the others say the scans are the only keepsake we have of them. Mrs_T_M, I love the baby book idea - really brilliant idea.

PartMouse, I'm so sorry to hear you're still going through such a hard time of it. *big hugs* Do not be sorry for the moan in the slightest, it is what we are here for! Take each minute, hour, day as it comes, it's all you can do. I pray you get some answers from these biopsies. Thinking of you.

Hope everyone else is doing as well as they can be, both posters and lurkers alike.

Mrs_I x

Mrs_T_M

Miss_Imaginative wrote: »

Mrs_T_M, I love the baby book idea - really brilliant idea.

Baby books are a bit of a tradition in my family, I had one (even though my mom cannot find it at the moment!) that had all of my milestones, my first lost tooth, a lock of hair from my first hair cut, hand prints, feet prints, etc. I knew that I'd be doing one for each of my babies, but after losing Dale it because something even more special since that's all we have left. I also have a sterling silver necklace with a silver angel charm with a garnet in a heart for her, since she was born in January. I want to plan something for her birthday, but I have no idea what would be appropriate. I want it to be something happy though, because my birthday is three days after hers.

Dales baby book is a 'Guess How Much I Love You' book, and our nursery for this one will be following that theme, even though it's baby book isn't a GHMILY book. I have everything (wall stickers, bedding, etc) picked out, I just need to work a bit harder on my survey sites to be able to buy what I want.

With all that being said, I really recommend baby books for any pregnancy. It was very therapeutic re-reading what we had been through together after she passed, and I know that I'll always have that for her memory.

marywooyeah

Hello ladies i I saw the thread in the lists with the last poster as "Mrs TM" and feared the worst. :eek:

I'm glad you're doing well Mrs TM and Part Mouse I'm so sorry you're suffering so much. I really hope you and your OH get though this.

I saw you were all talking about memories of your angels: I have a little wooden photobox which has my son's scan photo in the top, then memories inside like hospital letters, the pregnancy test and sheets from my counselling sessions. It upsets me to look at them, but I give his photo a little kiss before I go to sleep so he knows that I miss him and am thinking of him.

Mrs TM marking Dale's birthday is a wonderful idea. Do you have a garden? you could plant a little tree in her memory xxx

Miss_Imaginative

Mrs_T_M wrote: »

Baby books are a bit of a tradition in my family, I had one (even though my mom cannot find it at the moment!) that had all of my milestones, my first lost tooth, a lock of hair from my first hair cut, hand prints, feet prints, etc. I knew that I'd be doing one for each of my babies, but after losing Dale it because something even more special since that's all we have left. I also have a sterling silver necklace with a silver angel charm with a garnet in a heart for her, since she was born in January. I want to plan something for her birthday, but I have no idea what would be appropriate. I want it to be something happy though, because my birthday is three days after hers.

With all that being said, I really recommend baby books for any pregnancy. It was very therapeutic re-reading what we had been through together after she passed, and I know that I'll always have that for her memory.

I really truly love the baby book idea, I think that is something I am going to do. I have plenty of scan pictures of Thomas due to all the bleeding I had, and keeping them in his folder with my medical details doesn't really appeal long-term. As you say, it will certainly help in terms of having something to look through and remember him by.

I second the idea of planting a tree - we chose a tree that flowers in April (Thomas' birthday) - and it really helped mark the occasion of his due date by planting it earlier this week. Alternatively, a balloon release in a local park or somewhere that is special to you?Or release butterflies perhaps, what with the signification of new life? (School teacher coming out in me now!)

Like you with your garnet necklace Mrs_T_M I have a pair of diamond earrings that Hubby gave to me for a birthday when we were first dating - I now wear them everyday in memory of Thomas as his birthstone was diamond.

Mrs_I x

Mrs_T_M

marywooyeah wrote: »

Hello ladies i I saw the thread in the lists with the last poster as "Mrs TM" and feared the worst. :eek:
Mrs TM marking Dale's birthday is a wonderful idea. Do you have a garden? you could plant a little tree in her memory xxx

No, all is well so far with this one! 15 weeks 3 days so far. Not doing any announcing to the family, fb, or twitter until we are past 20 weeks this time though.

We do have a teeny back garden, but we rent, plus the bunnies have run of the garden. I'd rather have something that we can take with us if we do something like that, and that the bunnies won't eat!

I refuse to release balloons, I've seen too many dead birds and turtles from balloons being released for my taste. I need to do some research on how to celebrate a lost little one's first birthday before we decide.

Miss_Imaginative

Mrs_T_M wrote: »

We do have a teeny back garden, but we rent, plus the bunnies have run of the garden. I'd rather have something that we can take with us if we do something like that, and that the bunnies won't eat!

We have planted ours in a pot so we can take it with us whenever we move, which may be the ideal solution for you as you rent. And - as a bonus - the height the pot provides means it should be out of bunnies reach?

Mrs_I x

marywooyeah

Miss_Imaginative wrote: »

We have planted ours in a pot so we can take it with us whenever we move, which may be the ideal solution for you as you rent. And - as a bonus - the height the pot provides means it should be out of bunnies reach?

Mrs_I x

^^^^this!

So so glad all is well with your little one Mrs TM - I'll be thinking of you, al the best for a safe pregnancy xxx

Tilly_dreams

Thank you for your kind words MsB. To be honest if it was up to me I would avoid all social events like that BBQ but it means a lot to my husband to go and that I go with him, so I go but I’m far from the life and soul of the party. I think my perspective on life has changed maybe, I’m maybe more selfish. I don’t know, it’s hard to describe. I’m not really interested in making polite conversation with casual acquaintances, all I can think about is the baby I loss and the baby I’m carrying. I hope that doesn’t make me sound like an awful person. Anyways, thank you again x

lilmissreading – Thank you for your sound advice. At the risk of repeating myself I’d be more than happy to avoid events like that and I will in the main, I just want to make my husband happy too. It was nice to hear that your friend had her rainbow baby. This baby (all being well) will be born very close to the birthday of my angel baby so that will be an emotional time.

Re the discussion about keeping scan photos etc – I almost worry that I’m going the other way and turning my house into a shrine to my baby. I have his photo in a frame on my fireplace and my dressing table, I have two memory boxes which include my pregnancy diary and scan photos, I have his name framed, I have done a cross stitch of his first initial, I have a bracelet charm with his name and handprint on, I have the same comforter that I left with him by my bed etc etc etc. I’m going to frame the hand and foot prints we were given at the hospital but I need to trim them down which worries me so I’m putting it off. A memory box is lovely if you don’t want things on display as you can always get it out whenever you want to look at things that remind you of your baby.

Anyways, look after yourself ladies x