Miscarriage support

Air_Cooled_75

Frankie, so sorry x I didn't ring the bereavement midwife with the loss last year, she actually called me about 6 weeks after it happened. As it turned out she was very, very good and very instrumental in getting things sorted when it became apparent it had all gone TU regarding testing etc. she even came along when we had the consultant appointment.

Miss Imaginative, was in the same boat as you (nearly) this time last year, my waters went at 18 weeks and I delivered at 21 x

Gelly, so sorry x

Betty, I'm on my second successive miscarriage but my GP is testing everything and anything! Most stuff has been back ok, just waiting on a couple of others. I can't help thinking it's just any age thing, I'm not overweight, my asthma is well controlled, I'm *fairly* healthy. The hospital I went to were amazing, very caring, considerate and thorough. Can't fault them at all, which in a way made things a bit easier maybe x

I do feel fine though x

Miss_Imaginative

Just posting as we had our consultant's appointment this morning and Thomas' post-mortem results. There is an awful lot for Hubby and I to take in, but we have come away feeling pretty positive.

Thomas was absolutely perfect. There was no issue with Thomas at all. All signs seem to point to placental abruption, given my bleeding throughout the pregnancy. As to specifically why my placenta failed, they are uncertain - it could be a one off or there could be other reasons for it. They have taken blood from me again today as they didn't have enough blood to test after giving birth, as they want to rule out a blood clotting disorder, which may have caused the abruption. The haematoma that was spotted on my 20 week scan a few days before we lost Thomas might have been the start of the placenta coming away, but it is impossible to tell on ultrasound if it was that or a previous bleed dissipating. Thomas' echogenic bowel could have been from him swallowing blood products, but it is also a sign of a failing placenta. So there are still a few unknowns, but I had fully braced myself for there being no reason for us losing Thomas, so any indication is a good thing.

We've been told we can try again when we're feeling ready - but we need to be braced that this might happen again. I've been told to take low-dose aspirin when we start TTC again, but this may change depending on the blood test results from my bloods today, I may need to be on heparin (clexane) instead, but we shall see. The bloods will take about a month to come back.

It was quite a positive appointment with a lot of discussion about what the hospital can do for us during our next pregnancy; more appointments, additional scans, testing, etc as well as what they can do help ease my peace of mind. The consultant and our bereavement midwife (who was present) seem very positive and that we have things we can do to try and help prevent us losing another child when we next fall pregnant.

Mrs_I

Miss-L

Miss_Imaginative wrote: »

Just posting as we had our consultant's appointment this morning and Thomas' post-mortem results. There is an awful lot for Hubby and I to take in, but we have come away feeling pretty positive.

Thomas was absolutely perfect....

Its good you've come away feeling positive. WhenI went for consultant follow-up appointment I was nervous as it was such a big event for me and the ending of my contact with the hospital regarding Jemima.

Of course Thomas was perfect, he was your baby. I was told the same and I'm still having difficulty in dealing with the loss of a baby so perfect.

I was told my placenta may not have embeded properly (it was the only reason they could point to) but I also had a heamatoma and bled from weeks 6-15 in the pregnancy before my waters broke at 18weeks and delvery at 19+6

Much of the appointment focused on what to do in the event of another pregnancy and like you I was advised to take low dose asprin and would recieve extra care.....

Best wishes to you and your husband.

Gelly123

Much love to both Miss I & Miss L and partners - I can't imagine what you went through as both times we've MC'd, we didn't get as far as you.

You are in my thoughts and I'll keep everything crossed that next time everything goes "perfectly" and you leave with gorgeous little ones in your arms.

Hugs
Gelly
x

Miss_Imaginative

Miss-L wrote: »

Its good you've come away feeling positive. WhenI went for consultant follow-up appointment I was nervous as it was such a big event for me and the ending of my contact with the hospital regarding Jemima.

Of course Thomas was perfect, he was your baby. I was told the same and I'm still having difficulty in dealing with the loss of a baby so perfect.

I was told my placenta may not have embeded properly (it was the only reason they could point to) but I also had a heamatoma and bled from weeks 6-15 in the pregnancy before my waters broke at 18weeks and delvery at 19+6

Much of the appointment focused on what to do in the event of another pregnancy and like you I was advised to take low dose asprin and would recieve extra care.....

Best wishes to you and your husband.

Thank you Miss-L - like you I was very very nervous as like you said, it marks the official end of our contact with the hospital regarding Thomas. Feels like a huge milestone, and in some ways one I was reluctant to pass.

It's horrible to know that our little ones were so perfect and yet didn't make it due to a reason that is completely out of our control. But I'm pleased that the professionals seem so positive about moving forward when we're ready, and I feel like a weight has been lifted from today now we have answers in some form. Next milestone... decide when to go back to work, as my bereavement midwife said I should re-assess how I am feeling after today. I think I'll sleep on it for now and let my mind process everything from today.

Best wishes to you too, I hope you're doing alright?

Gelly, I didn't spot your post! Thank you so much for your thoughts and kind words. How are you doing?

Mrs_I

Miss-L

Miss_I: Going back to work is a big step, perhaps talk to your midwife/GP/employer about a phased-return. I went straight back in to full time work back after 3-4 weeks which was probably too soon. The worst thing I found was that people expect you to be okay....others forget quickly, especially if they have never experience (late) miscarriage, but you'll remember perfect Thomas forever. Take heart thats a good thing.

You're lucky to have a berveament midwife. Such support is not available where I live. I'm still going to berveament counselling (organised through my workplace) though.

If you ever need extra support the Tommys Midwife phoneline is excellent and I hope you're finding support in the book I recommended

skintchick

Hugs for Miss I and Miss L.

When I went to St MArys and took a scan pic taken of one of my babies at 12 weeks, showing it had died at 11 weeks, I was told it looked perfect and there was nothing wrong with it. I actually found that very hard to handle, although it gave me hope as well. Hope you are both able to remain positive

I've been helping with the Mumsnet Miscarriage CAre campaign, doing some TV, and I was on good Morning Britain (Channel 5 ended up not using my footage). IT was really emotional doing the interviews, but it's such an important cause.

If any of you don;t know about the campaign you can read about it on Mumsnet (don;t need to be a member; I'm not, you can just read it).

Miss_Imaginative

Miss-L wrote: »

Miss_I: Going back to work is a big step, perhaps talk to your midwife/GP/employer about a phased-return. I went straight back in to full time work back after 3-4 weeks which was probably too soon. The worst thing I found was that people expect you to be okay....others forget quickly, especially if they have never experience (late) miscarriage, but you'll remember perfect Thomas forever. Take heart thats a good thing.

You're lucky to have a berveament midwife. Such support is not available where I live. I'm still going to berveament counselling (organised through my workplace) though.

If you ever need extra support the Tommys Midwife phoneline is excellent and I hope you're finding support in the book I recommended

This is why I'm a bit wary of going back, I'm worried about going back too soon as everyone says to me not to go back too soon. However I have now been off work for 9 weeks (admittedly I was in hospital for the first 4 of those weeks). Fortunately I am only part time and only work mornings, which makes it easier as there are no full days to contend with, but makes it trickier in terms of a phased return. There is also the fact there are only 4 weeks until the end of the school term and the end of my contract. My midwife says not to bother going back, or only to go back for the last week until I'm paid - but that's really not in my nature and given how my attendance has been since I started the job (in January) I would at least like to make the effort for the last few weeks.

I'm going in to work this morning for an hour to see the children (50-odd Nursery children) and see how I do. If I feel it went well, I'll extend my sick note for next week, but go in for a couple of mornings to build myself up in order to aim for returning to work the 30th June. I'll see how I go.

People's reactions I'm not particularly looking forward to. As you say people will expect me to "be okay" now I'm back at work - but unless you've experienced it yourself you never understand that in many ways you will never "be okay" fully again. But like you say, Hubby and I will always remember and that is a good thing.

I still can't believe how much the services and treatment differ from NHS Trust to NHS Trust, for instance I get a bereavement midwife for as long as I need (as well as her supporting me in future pregnancies) and you don't. I just struggle to fathom how the system can differ and provide so much for some people in one NHS Trust and nothing for others. I'm glad to hear your work are being so good in providing you with bereavement counselling though. My bereavement midwife is my counselling and it does help.

The book you recommended Miss-L has been invaluable, in particular when I was struggling with emotions after being in hospital and almost having my grief "on pause". I will definitely bear it in mind re: the Tommy's Midwife helpline, extra support is always welcomed.

skintchick, thank you for the hugs. It's so hard to hear our little ones were perfect, isn't it? I'm glad it gave you hope as well. Your work with the Mumsnet Miscarriage Campaign is truly inspiring, I bet it was incredibly emotional, but as you say it's such an important cause that needs to be talked about. I am off to have a read right now.

Mrs_I

Gelly123

Miss_Imaginative wrote: »

Gelly, I didn't spot your post! Thank you so much for your thoughts and kind words. How are you doing?

Mrs_I

Thanks Miss I - doing ok here, trying to keep a stiff upper lip and all that but deep down it hurts.

Both HB and I have said to each other that we think we're handling it the right way for us - in a kind of onwards and upwards approach but with so many friends around us falling pregnant with seemingly no issues, it's hard.

skintchick - I saw your post as I was lurking on the other thread yesterday whilst at work so promptly went and found some headphones to watch and listen to your interview - you did fab, thank you for standing up and speaking out.

I've had no support although our miscarriages were both at 8 weeks but basically, after the second scans each time, that's it - told to go home, get on with it and take paracetamol if needed.

No follow up or anything ;o(

Hugs to you all
Gelly
x

Miss_Imaginative

Gelly123 wrote: »

Thanks Miss I - doing ok here, trying to keep a stiff upper lip and all that but deep down it hurts.

Both HB and I have said to each other that we think we're handling it the right way for us - in a kind of onwards and upwards approach but with so many friends around us falling pregnant with seemingly no issues, it's hard.

...

I've had no support although our miscarriages were both at 8 weeks but basically, after the second scans each time, that's it - told to go home, get on with it and take paracetamol if needed. No follow up or anything ;o(

Glad to hear you're doing okay - know the feeling re: trying to keep a stiff upper lip. It sounds like you and HB are handling it very well and the positive attitude in trying to move onwards/upwards is very similar to ours. My midwife says the positive attitude in moving forward is a very good place to be in. Again, like you, it's very hard to be positive when you've got lots of friends and acquaintances falling pregnant so easily (seemingly so anyway). Hubby and I keep telling ourselves it will be our time and our turn to experience it soon enough. Doesn't make it any easier on the bad moments though.

I just... I can't believe there is no follow up for you and no support provided. And they wonder why miscarriage is such a taboo subject when they essentially send you away to just get on with it?? It beggars belief. *big hugs to you* It just makes me pleased that such supportive threads like this exist to provide support for those of us who need it during and after miscarriage. You will get there Gelly, have faith.

Mrs_I