Miscarriage support

Miss-L

Hi everyone, I’ve beenfollowing the miscarriage thread but this is the first time I’ve ever writtenon any forum.



Let me introduce myself,I’m 38yrs old, live in Norwich and I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. Ilost my little girl 1 month ago today at 19+6 in January just 4 days before mybirthday.



I had my firstmiscarriage (natural) at 11+4 in August 2013, fell pregnant with no periodin-between and experienced my second miscarriage (with sepsis) at 19+6following my waters breaking early (PPROM) at 18+2. I experienced a lot ofbleeding earlier in my second pregnancy and was diagnosed with a subchorionichematoma. At 20 weeks I delivered my beautiful baby girl. She looked so perfect,just tiny. We called her Jemima.



I have so many questionsand have replayed everything I did in the last month or so before my watersbroke. I don’t know how life after miscarriage is ever normal again!



I’m writing on this forumbecause I feel so lost and so empty. I hadn’t told many people I was pregnantdue to the earlier bleeding scares and my previous miscarriage and now I feel Ihave to tell people that I was pregnant so they know my baby existed.



I’m also writing on thisforum because I was looking for support. I read the other posts which mentioncaring husbands/partners. I’ve invited my boyfriend (of 3 years) to move inwith me many times - I even bought a newhouse for me, him and the baby – he says he prefers to live on his own, 5 milesaway. When I tell him on the phone ‘I feel so sad’, he replies ‘what do youfeel sad about?’ His grief only lasted a few days and now says he’s fed up oftalking about it. He tells me I am now obsessed with having a baby.



It feels like I’mgrieving for loss everything – my baby daughter, my relationship, my fertility(at 38) and hope for the future.

Mrs_T_M

Miss-L wrote: »

Hi everyone, I’ve beenfollowing the miscarriage thread but this is the first time I’ve ever writtenon any forum.



Let me introduce myself,I’m 38yrs old, live in Norwich and I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. Ilost my little girl 1 month ago today at 19+6 in January just 4 days before mybirthday.



I had my firstmiscarriage (natural) at 11+4 in August 2013, fell pregnant with no periodin-between and experienced my second miscarriage (with sepsis) at 19+6following my waters breaking early (PPROM) at 18+2. I experienced a lot ofbleeding earlier in my second pregnancy and was diagnosed with a subchorionichematoma. At 20 weeks I delivered my beautiful baby girl. She looked so perfect,just tiny. We called her Jemima.



I have so many questionsand have replayed everything I did in the last month or so before my watersbroke. I don’t know how life after miscarriage is ever normal again!



I’m writing on this forumbecause I feel so lost and so empty. I hadn’t told many people I was pregnantdue to the earlier bleeding scares and my previous miscarriage and now I feel Ihave to tell people that I was pregnant so they know my baby existed.



I’m also writing on thisforum because I was looking for support. I read the other posts which mentioncaring husbands/partners. I’ve invited my boyfriend (of 3 years) to move inwith me many times - I even bought a newhouse for me, him and the baby – he says he prefers to live on his own, 5 milesaway. When I tell him on the phone ‘I feel so sad’, he replies ‘what do youfeel sad about?’ His grief only lasted a few days and now says he’s fed up oftalking about it. He tells me I am now obsessed with having a baby.



It feels like I’mgrieving for loss everything – my baby daughter, my relationship, my fertility(at 38) and hope for the future.

I live in Norwich as well, and we lost our little boy on the 26th of January, 3 days before my 29th birthday. I was 19+6, and went into premature labour and had my waters break. If you ever need someone to talk to, visit, go out for a cup of coffee with, or anything with someone who understands, please let me know. I am more than willing to do any of these things and more. It may help both of us grieve. Huge hugs are coming your way.

BadlyWrittenPoem

Hi Miss L, I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter Jemima. It must be so hard when people didn't even know you were pregnant in the first place. Have you been offered a post-natal follow up appointment? When my little girl was born, they took blood for loads of different tests and then I had a follow up appointment which was supposed to be about 6-8 weeks later.

samtoby

Miss-L - I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like your having a very ;-( time. I do hope you find some comfort on the thread x

Silver-Cat

Ss to hear what u both are going through. I can't even begin to say how I feel yet, maybe I don't even know.
I've been told off for going back to work and told bed rest to at least Monday after a very bad night last night but already going stir crazy.

sweaty_betty

Silver-Cat wrote: »

Ss to hear what u both are going through. I can't even begin to say how I feel yet, maybe I don't even know.
I've been told off for going back to work and told bed rest to at least Monday after a very bad night last night but already going stir crazy.

Books, films, boxsets, trashy TV, chocolate, sleep - not necessarily in that order I know it's not going to change things, but you do need distractions to give you chance to rest and physically recover. I'm glad you've been prescribed rest - keeping going can work sometimes, but you also need time to take in the situation and work through it.

take care

Silver-Cat

I'm sure you are right but I appear to be stuck in self misery and it is just making me more tired and frustrated. I've spent all day wasting hrs reading strange forums, stuff on here, nothing I'm remotely interested in but i have no idea what I am doing.

Miss-L

Thanks everyone.

I have a consultant follow up appt on Monday 17th, 5 weeks after delivery. I have a long list of questions! I want to know why it happened, relevant investigations and preventative treatment for the future. I did consent to a post-mortem but I'm guessing it may be too soon to get those results yet.

Has anyone else been to consultant appt following a late miscarriage and has any advice about what to expect and what to ask.

sweaty_betty

Miss-L wrote: »

Thanks everyone.

I have a consultant follow up appt on Monday 17th, 5 weeks after delivery. I have a long list of questions! I want to know why it happened, relevant investigations and preventative treatment for the future. I did consent to a post-mortem but I'm guessing it may be too soon to get those results yet.

Has anyone else been to consultant appt following a late miscarriage and has any advice about what to expect and what to ask.

Hi there - I lost twin boys at 22w last year. In my case, the follow up appointment was very helpful. The consultant was prepared for all of my questions (similar to yours) and I hardly needed to ask them anything, they volunteered all the information I wanted. Hopefully for your next pregnancy they'll offer extra scans/monitoring (if they don't offer, please ask - I was told they do it as much for people's peace of mind as for medical screening) and should provide some answers to help you come to terms with what's happened.

It's not an easy appointment. Mine was in the ante-natal ward, in a room opposite the bereavement suite and the room they take the babies who have died. So there were lots of reminders. But our bereavement midwife collected us from the car park so we didn't have to ask where to go. I think it helped to go back there in a way. Although I don't think I'd like to go back in that room again

Hope it goes as well as possible.

BadlyWrittenPoem

Miss-L wrote: »

Thanks everyone.

I have a consultant follow up appt on Monday 17th, 5 weeks after delivery. I have a long list of questions! I want to know why it happened, relevant investigations and preventative treatment for the future. I did consent to a post-mortem but I'm guessing it may be too soon to get those results yet.

Has anyone else been to consultant appt following a late miscarriage and has any advice about what to expect and what to ask.

Yes, mine was with a consultant plus a senior midwife and they ran over the results (we only had blood tests and everything showed clear) and told me what they would offer another time. There was no obvious cause (they said that they don't find a cause around 50% of the time) which they said meant that there wasn't necessarily any reason that things might go wrong again so in some ways was a good result. They told me what they would do in a future pregnancy and that they would pretty much give me whatever level of monitoring I felt I needed whether that was weekly monitoring at the hospital or nothing beyond standard. I felt fairly reassured that I would get good care the next time and the only questions I had which they didn't answer without me asking related to furture treatment of my hyperemesis rather than to my loss.

The only negative side was that I did have to sit in an antenatal waiting room (albeit not the main one so there weren't loads of pregnant women there) so all the stuff on the walls etc was aimed at pregnant women. I think it varies by hospital where it would be but it's worth being mentally prepared just in case.