Miscarriage support

BadlyWrittenPoem

Mrs_T_M wrote: »

I'm still having twinges that feel like little one is still there moving. I'm beginning to wonder if I ever actually felt him or if it was just muscle spasms that we felt.

:grouphug: I still felt like my baby was moving sometimes after she had died but having had a successful pregnancy both before and after I am sure that the movements I felt before she died were real and I'm sure that the movements you felt were real too.

BadlyWrittenPoem

Cyclamen wrote: »

Hello,

I've been trying to pluck up the courage to type here.. the words just fill me with despair

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's so hard when you've also been very ill in pregnancy.

BadlyWrittenPoem

Mrs_T_M wrote: »

Has anyone who has had a second or third trimester miscarriage or stillbirth ever donated breastmilk? Mine is starting to come in, and I'm wondering if knowing that I can help a little one that needs it will help with the grieving process.

Edit: Did a bit of research and found out that since I'm on anti-depressants I can't donate.

I didn't donate after my loss but I have donated in the past through Human Milk 4 Human Babies which is an informal milk sharing network where people post offers/requests for milk. Some anti-depressants are not safe for breastfeeding but if the one you are on is okay then as long as the recipient is happy with it then you can still donate your milk.

LJ9982

Mrs_T_M wrote: »

Cyclamen, the only thing I can advise is what I'm trying to let myself do, whatever you feel like doing at that moment , do it. Don't hold anything back and don't worry about being a bother to anyone. If anyone is bothered by what you've been through and are going through, that's their concern, not yours. We need help and support, and I think you and I both will for quite a while yet. *huge hugs*

Completely agree with what Mrs_T_M says Cyclamen......

We are all here if you need to talk and understand the pain of your loss xxxx Please talk to your family/friends as well - i am sure you won't be a bother xxx

BadlyWrittenPoem

Cyclamen wrote: »

i just don't know what to say or do or think?

do i keep busy and try to carry on?
do i curl into a ball an dcry? if I do this will i get up again? i'm a bit scared of letting it all out but know i'd tell others to let it go?

Both keeping busy and curling up in a ball and crying are totally acceptable coping methods and different things are best at different times. Crying is good and it won't last forever. Bottling it up and not allowing yourself to do so will just mean it builds up so it is good to let yourself cry if you need to.

Also, something which I have found very helpful is reading Still Standing which is an online magazine for people surviving child loss and/or infertility. It helps me to know that my thoughts/feelings are normal and that I'm not some crazy lady. https://www.facebook.com/StillStandingMAG?fref=ts

tea_lover

Always sad to see this thread busy again, but obviously great that we have each other for support. Thinking of you all xx.

Mrs_T_M

BadlyWrittenPoem wrote: »

I didn't donate after my loss but I have donated in the past through Human Milk 4 Human Babies which is an informal milk sharing network where people post offers/requests for milk. Some anti-depressants are not safe for breastfeeding but if the one you are on is okay then as long as the recipient is happy with it then you can still donate your milk.

I'm on citalopram 20mg, so I'm not sure on that one. The instructions just say to discuss with your midwife/gp if you get pregnant while on it.

any_name_will_suffice

So sorry this thread is around again.

Huge hugs Mrs_T_M and Cyclamen, so sorry for your loss x

devildolly5

So sorry Mrs TM, I really feel for you. I am sitting here crying reading your story. You are so brave and I am truly sorry for your loss.

Big hugs cyclamen xxx

OH and I are still struggling. No one in the family knows what happened as it was right over xmas (found out 20th Dec, surgery 31st Dec) and we just put a brave face on. I am the 'fixer' in my family, so it doesn't feel normal to go to them for support. I am going to tell my sister though when I see her (lives far away) as she is the only one I know who would not make it about them.

I am still reminded by our little person with a build-a-bear that OH bought me for xmas morning with a label that said 'to mummy, can you help me put this together, love bump', so we called the teddy bump and he sits on my bed.

Thinking of everyone xxx

Mrs_T_M

I was toying with the idea of studying to become a midwife before all of this, but going through this has kind of solidified that desire. I'm going to give it at least a year to see if I feel the same about it before I start going for it through.

I still want to finish the cross stitch tatty teddy that I had started for Dale. I want to finish my Yoshi 'home sweet home' one first, so it will be a bit before I can finish the baby one. I think it will help to bring closure eventually to complete it for him.

Nesting has fully kicked in, and I've decided to use it instead of fight it. I'm going to clean and organise as much as possible, but still do it at my own pace. If/when I have days that I don't want to do anything, I don't have to.

I hate that this thread is needed, but it is completely invaluable when it is needed. Just knowing that we are in this together and none of us are alone in our struggles is so comforting, even though we hate that anyone would ever be in this position and would never wish it upon anyone. Thank you, each and every one of you.