Miscarriage support

Mrs_T_M

I had hoped that I would never need this thread. Our little boy was miscarried early yesterday morning at 19 weeks 5 days. DH is looking after me, but I'm firmly in the denial stage. I'm trying to actually grieve instead of just bottling it up like I've always done with any and all loss thus far in my life. I'll write more about what happened later on when I feel that I'm able to do so.

4nnabella

Oh Mrs_T_M I am so sorry you have had to experience that. My heart goes out to you. Give yourself time to come to terms with what has happened rather than thinking you 'must grieve' straight away. Glad to hear you are being looked after. I can't even imagine what you've just been through, it must have been such a shock.

Big hugs lovely, we're all here when you're ready to talk xxx

claire16c

Mrs TM it's really good that you recognise not to bottle it up but at the same time don't force yourself to feel one way or the other. I felt shell shocked and I wasn't as far along as you so I can see why you would feel in denial. It's like how can you be pregnant one minute and not the next? But once it sinks in the grief is awful.

I'm glad you have such a supportive DH.

It seems ridiculous also they still call it a 'miscarriage' at that stage and no entitlement to maternity leave off work etc

Are you getting any follow up from the hospital or access to counselling if you want it?

Mrs_T_M

claire16c wrote: »

Are you getting any follow up from the hospital or access to counselling if you want it?

DH has as much time off work as he needs, one of the great things of having a good relationship with his boss. He was their first employee that stuck around, so he's a bit of a favourite, and he doesn't abuse the system. I have the information for the local bereavement counselling centre and the miscarriage/stillborn counselling centre for when I'm ready. I also have a follow up appointment with the consultant in 6-8 weeks, and I'll be getting a letter for that. I just really hope that I don't have to wait in the pregnancy waiting room with everyone waiting for scans unless I'm pregnant again. I doubt it will be that quick, but if it happens, so be it.

We were able to walk up to Aldi to get out of the house for a bit (1.1 mile round trip) and I didn't break down, even when putting the 50% off nappy voucher in the nappy section for someone else to use. We chose to wait until late-ish to go so that we wouldn't see any little ones.

My boobs are really leaking now and I'm hoping that they stop soon. I hate wearing a bra anyway, much less for this reason.

I asked DH to put all of the baby clothes, bits, toys, etc into the box room that was going to be the nursery. I will just be leaving them in there, because I know that we will want to try again, I just don't know when. For some reason I think that the next little one we have will be a girl and will be fine. I dreamed a name for a little girl Saturday morning.

The bunnies keep checking on both of us.

I want to get a birthstone necklace with a garnet on it. When we have another little one, I'll add their birthstone to it as well.

This is definitely the worst birthday present that could have come. My birthday is this Wednesday.

claire16c

That's utterly heart breaking. You are so brave to go out of the house and do that.

I hope the consultant will be able to give you some answers. My miscarriage was too early to find anything out but I always tell myself my baby probably had something awfully wrong with it, that's the only thing that made me feel any better.

That's a good idea to box it up but keep it.

My friend had a miscarriage at 22 weeks and the hospital and local funeral director were very helpful in arranging a small funeral for her and her parents, so don't be afraid to ask about anything like that if you wanted to.

I'm so sorry your boobs are leaking now our bodies certainly do like to rub it in sometimes xx

sophiasmum

Mrs t-m you've been in my thoughts all day am so sorry this has happened. Particularly cruel at this stage. You sound like you are trying to be very brave and to get on with things -don't be afraid to cry. X

msb5262

Mrs T-M I'm so horrified and sad to read your news - please accept my best wishes and sincere condolences.


It must be so hard to be a long way from your own family at a time like this. You and your OH will be very much in my thoughts, and I hope your physical symptoms will settle down before too long.


Take care of yourselves and ask for support/help whenever is right for you. Post here as much or as little as you need, I know you'll find a sympathetic ear.


Love from MsB xx

please-let-me-be-lucky

I'm so sorry to hear your news Mrs_T_M. Life is just so cruel.

I can't add anything extra to what has already been said, but I echo everyone else in that we are all here for you, whatever you need.

Let DH and the bunnies look after you Xx

BadlyWrittenPoem

Mrs_T_M wrote: »

I also have a follow up appointment with the consultant in 6-8 weeks, and I'll be getting a letter for that. I just really hope that I don't have to wait in the pregnancy waiting room with everyone waiting for scans unless I'm pregnant again. I doubt it will be that quick, but if it happens, so be it.

I'm so sorry for your loss Mrs_T_M. I know each hospital will be different but if it's any reassurance, when I had my followup appointment it wasn't part of a routine clinic or anything and it was in the part where you usually go if you have if you have a more complicated pregnancy rather than the bit where they send everybody so although it was still an antenatal waiting room with all the usual stuff on the wall etc, we were the only ones there rather than it being full of pregnant women.

Mrs_T_M

I'm still having twinges that feel like little one is still there moving. I'm beginning to wonder if I ever actually felt him or if it was just muscle spasms that we felt.