Miscarriage support

claire16c

Adrenalina wrote: »

I can't face going to work. Not many people knew, but still. I know they'll think "what's the big fuss, it's not as if it was a proper baby". It's not just the physical loss. In my mind I already had two children, and could see them playing together, looking after each other when I'm gone... It's the loss of this future that upsets me the most. And I guess that's what's so hard to explain.

Call your dr & they'll sign you off.

I went into hospital just before Xmas last year so I had one week off sick, then I think 1 or 2 weeks Xmas hols then I rang the dr crying form the phone & he signed me off and said to call back after that if I needed an extension.

I then handed my notice in & asked them if I could not work my notice as I was too distressed to come back (office atmosphere was bad and hr knew it, I'd not been planning on coming back after mat leave).

So I know how you feel! Don't worry about other people. My work colleagues were lovely. And work let me do a handover/leaving day at my house with the colleague who was replacing me (again job changes were being made that I didn't want to go back to) so I didn't even have to face going into the office.

People were more understanding than I thought, once you start talking everyone starts telling you either they or a friend/family member has been through the same.

But if you don't want to tell anyone you don't have to just tell your boss/hr.

Adrenalina

I phoned my doctors surgery and was told to self-certify for the first seven days. They were quite brusque and I was too flustered to ask how to do that. I will need to phone my manager after the follow up appointment on Wednesday and she can tell me what they need.
I went to my works kids Christmas party today. It was only for a couple of hours but I was exhausted afterwards. My husband convinced me to go, after I was lamenting seeing her visit Santa & having a dance with her friends. It was a bit difficult to field the "saw you were off sick, are you feeling better" questions, especially as I helped organise the party.

On another note, can anyone advise about swimming? I've read conflicting advice online as to when it's ok to go back in a pool.

just_trying

Adrenalina wrote: »

I phoned my doctors surgery and was told to self-certify for the first seven days. They were quite brusque and I was too flustered to ask how to do that. I will need to phone my manager after the follow up appointment on Wednesday and she can tell me what they need.
I went to my works kids Christmas party today. It was only for a couple of hours but I was exhausted afterwards. My husband convinced me to go, after I was lamenting seeing her visit Santa & having a dance with her friends. It was a bit difficult to field the "saw you were off sick, are you feeling better" questions, especially as I helped organise the party.

On another note, can anyone advise about swimming? I've read conflicting advice online as to when it's ok to go back in a pool.

I don't know about swimming but it's standard practise now to sign yourself off for 7 days that includes weekends. You just need to tell your boss your signing yourself off for 7 days, after that you need a note from your doctors, I hope that helps x.

Just a quick message to say, thinking off you all, sorry for the recent lossesxx.

Due date was last Sunday and still really upset all the time can't sleep grouchy and what my OH has said recently has upset me to do with feelings. Don't know if I should say it here.

Take care everyone and I do think of you, just not good at logging in and have gone in to my shell, become a different person xx.

devildolly5

Coming over from the other thread. We had a private scan yesterday at 9+3 but the baby had stopped growing 4-5 days ago and no heartbeat could be found. Absolutely devastated even though I was preparing myself as I had no symptoms at all. The scanner said she was surprised I didn't notice a drop in symptoms and had to say that it would have been hard given I had none. She was really nice though and just let me let it sink in.

OH was at work so had to drive home and tell him when he got home which is one of the hardest things I have had to do.

Visiting docs on Monday, but hoping I can put off doing anything until after Christmas. Probably go surgery route as I am not sure I can stand waiting for things to happen naturally, and just want to move on.

Does anyone have any experience of how limb it takes to either wait naturally or get an appointment go surgery. This is my first missed miscarriage so not sure what to expect and am a little scared at the next steps.

claire16c

So sorry to hear that devil dolly.

I had my operation 1 year ago today. I had my 12 week scan on the Monday and had the operation on the Friday. It will depend on your hospitals waiting list etc

But if you see your dr on Monday I'd think it would be unlikely they'd get you in 2 days later so I'm sure you could put it off until after Xmas if that's what you want. Or if they can, just ask for it to be put back, mine were sort of flexible with me as I kept changing my mind on what to do as I was scared of a GA.

Unfortunately waiting naturally is the how long is a piece of string thing. My baby died at 8+5 and 3 weeks later at the scan I didn't know so it can take a long time, the hospital was willing to let me wait another couple of weeks but didn't want to let it get much further incase of infection, plus I was too scared to do it at home anyway.

I'm so sorry you were on your own when it happened and had to drive home. If you scroll back through the thread I wrote quite a detailed account of what the operation was like etc

But to cut a long story short I was really scared and it was absolutely fine and it was the best route for me.

sweaty_betty

So sorry to hear this. I think a missed miscarriage (where you don't find out until the scan) is so cruel.
Hope everything goes as well as possible for you.

LJ9982

Devildolly I am so sorry to hear your news hun xx I myself had a missed miscarriage last week. We found out at our 12 week scan that our little one had no heartbeat and had stopped growing at 9 + 2. I personally would advise the surgical route at your stage - I am 9 days into the miscarriage now and still bleeding quite a bit but it's the 2/3 painful episodes a day that are really wearing me down. It feels like someone has hold of my insides and is twisting them. The pain is awful. I know every experience is different but with you being 8/9 weeks, if you go the natural / medical management route, you will have to pass the sac/baby/placenta and it is hard enough mentally/emotionally xxx I read the following article beforehand which was so helpful :

Hi i found this online and felt like i should post it as when i had my miscarriage i had no information and no clue what to expect other than the common sense stuff i figured for myself i.e bleeding and pain

Most women who experience an early miscarriage will not need to have any intervention or treatment, as miscarriage is a natural occurance that the body instigates. When a pregnancy is not viable, the uterus begins to contract and usually empties itself completely.

A natural miscarriage usually begins with light spotting or staining for several days, that gradually changes to bright red bleeding. Cramps usually follow quickly with the bright red bleeding. The cramps may come and go as you uterus contracts - much like labour contractions. If you were to feel your cervix, you would notice that it will soften and open to allow the baby to pass. You may experience very heavy bleeding and strong cramping as the miscarriage progresses, although many women will miscarry without any physical pain or discomfort.

If you are very early on it your pregnancy, you may only notice bleeding with the occasional passage of clots. What most resources do not tell you is what will happen when you are further along in your pregnancy, as it seems to be a taboo subject.

If you are several weeks pregnant you may pass greyish tissue that is placental or fetal tissue. What many women experience, and what I have experienced is that at the end of your miscarriage you will pass the placenta, gestational sac, and your baby at once.
Many mothers in their complete and utter shock that this has occurred (many times this happens while on the toilet) end up flushing the sac and feeling an intense feeling or panic, shock, guilt and despair. If this has happened to you, please know that it has happened to many, many women as well, and that you did the best that you could given the state that you were in.

If you are threatening to miscarry now, I am letting you know this so that you will know what you want to do if this happens to you. If you pass the gestational sac you do not need to feel morbid, guilty or strange to want to open it and see your baby. These are completely normal and natural feelings for a mother to have, and seeing your little one may actually help you to gain some closure.

If your pregnancy loss has occurred very early, you may not be able to find your baby in the sac as it may be too small for you to see. This is normal, and does not mean that you lost your baby and did not find it. It is just too small. If you were further along, you may see an actual tiny baby in the sac at the stage of development they had reached when they died.
It is ok to hold them, and to look at them, and to wonder at the miracle your tiny little baby is. Although it is taboo to talk of such things in our society, it is a normal and natural feeling to want to see them, hold them, and touch them.

It is also normal to not feel any curiosity or need to see your baby - so please do not feel guilty if the only thing you wanted to do was look away. I would suggest, that if it feels right to you - that you may wish to put the baby and the sac in a safe container for a few hours after you have recovered from the initial shock in case you may begin to feel differently.

You are entitled to keep your baby and to bury them in the manner that you wish. Law does not address what must be done with a miscarried baby, so you are free to choose. You do not have to take it to the hospital or the lab for testing

LJ9982

PS from having my scan, I was given my tablets 2 days later..... They say naturally it can take up to a couple of weeks to start

msb5262

Hi LJ -


Just to say I think you are very brave for posting here in support of others when you are in the midst of it all. Take care of yourself, hope things get a bit easier and less painful over the next few days.


Devildolly - so sorry to hear of your loss. What an awful thing to happen. I hope you have lots of support, whatever you decide to do.


love to all


MsB x

Lara44

So sorry to hear that Devildolly, (((((huge hugs))))).