Miscarriage support

Mrs_T_M

Has anyone who has had a second or third trimester miscarriage or stillbirth ever donated breastmilk? Mine is starting to come in, and I'm wondering if knowing that I can help a little one that needs it will help with the grieving process.

Edit: Did a bit of research and found out that since I'm on anti-depressants I can't donate.

LJ9982

Mrs_T_M i am SO sorry to hear your news. I am welling up at my desk at work reading your post. My thoughts are with you both at the moment Going through miscarriage is hard enough at any stage, but having one later on when halfway through and thinking everything will be ok.... I just can't even fathom how I would get through that - it's heartbreaking enough even before 12 weeks Keep close to your DH and support each other through these tough times ahead. there will be bad days as well as 'good'. xxx

Mrs_T_M

I am going to try and write what happened to us now, but I may need to stop and wait a bit longer to finish it.

Friday morning I started having a very large amount of discharge. I didn't think much of it, thinking it was just irritation from DH and I having sex Thursday night. Anyway, follow on Saturday and I have a bit of blood in the discharge as well. Called the midwife on call at about 8 pm and she said it was probably just irritation of my cervix from the sex. DH went to bed about 9 that night and I tried to lay down a bit. I was cramping a bit, but I had had very loose stools earlier that day and just attributed it to that and gas pains. I called my mom (because I was getting scared and she is wonderful at calming me down). Told her what was happening. About 1, the cramps started to come and go instead of just being uncomfortable. I again called the midwife on call and due to the cramping, she told me to come in. I told mom I would call her back as soon as I could but that I was going into hospital to get checked out. Went to wake DH (it was about 1:30 at this time) and as soon as he was awake, I had a cramp that doubled me over in our bedroom doorway. I knew I was going to get sick, so I rushed to the bathroom and ended up vomiting into the bin I had sat in the sink. With the first retch, my waters broke. I retched a few more times, said a few choice words and told DH to call an ambulance immediately. He got me sat down on the floor on a towel right outside of the bathroom. The ambulance people arrived within minutes. I was transported to the hospital and immediately admitted. The contractions had eased off significantly and I could still feel the baby moving at that time, so I still had hope hat something could be done. The doctor did a scan on me and said that she couldn't see the baby, so it was probably very low already. She then did an internal to double check that my waters had indeed gone. That started the contractions up again, and they were quite bad. They gave me a shot of pethidine and anti-sickness medication in my leg while they put in a cannula. About 5 minutes later, I started retching again. Ended up having the baby between 4:30 and 5 am. Placenta was delivered intact a few minutes later. Other than checking my vitals every little while, they left us to try and rest for the most part until about 8 am. I got a shower and nearly passed out, so the nurses had to come and help. Paperwork was gone through and then the chaplain came in to speak to us. They brought little one in at our request while she was there. Found out that it was a little boy, and we decided to name him Dale after my dad's middle name. My dad passed away three years ago last October. I took a few photos of him to help remember him and the chaplain blessed him. We requested to have handprints and footprints made. We also decided to have a post-mortem to try and determine what happened. I had been fine and numb until DH took the little one and was holding him. I completely broke down at that point. They let us keep him with us for as long as we wanted, and then they let us try to rest again. The consultant finally came in to speak with us at about noon, and she signed off on us to be able to come home. Came home via taxi and I fell asleep about 4:30 that afternoon. Other than being woken up when our grocery delivery came at 7:30, I slept through until 11 am Monday morning. Now I'm just trying to distract myself. It's not helping that as an added kick in the teeth, my milk has begun coming in now. I hurt, and there isn't really anything I can do about it.

msb5262

Mrs T_M

My heart goes out to you, it really does. I've been following your story and this morning I was wondering how you are doing. Thank you for sharing what must have been an incredibly traumatic time here.
I'm glad you got to spend some time with your baby and that you got to name him and have him blessed. I hope you can get some comfort from the loving concern of people around you and here in MSE land; many of us are holding your family in our thoughts.

A thought - have you spoken to your GP about your physical state? It is usually possible to have tablets or an injection to stop your milk.

Sending you much love

MsB x

LJ9982

Mrs_T_M i am just lost for words - i don't know what to say

I am so glad you got to spend as much time as you wanted with your little one and the handprints and footprints are a lovely touch xxxx

claire16c

Mrs TM I am crying reading that. Please know I am thinking about you.
Im so sorry you cant donate your milk that was an excellent thing to think of doing.

Cyclamen - even though your friend is the other end of the country, sometimes a phone call can be almost as good as a chat in person, perhaps try to arrange one with her so you can tell her how you are feeling? Im sure she would want to help. I can imagine how utterly frustrated you must feel after being ill with the sickness for so long and then no baby to show for it or make it worth it. Its terrible.

I know you say you dont want to upset your Mum, and you obviously know her best but perhaps she could be really helpful to you in this situation if she has been through it before.

please-let-me-be-lucky

Lots of love to Cyclamen and Mrs_T_M.

Cyclamen, there is no time limit to when you have to feel better or move on. Especially when it all feels so final. I'm sorry you don't have much support in RL. We will do our best to provide support on here, just keep saying whatever you need to Xx

Cyclamen

i just don't know what to say or do or think?

do i keep busy and try to carry on?
do i curl into a ball an dcry? if I do this will i get up again? i'm a bit scared of letting it all out but know i'd tell others to let it go?

Mum and Dad have been great.. Dad supporting my husband as he knows the fathers experience and mum with me.. but they are trying to carry on themsleves despite grieving themselves... my mum also lost her mother before christmas so has two loads of grief to manage.

I don't knwo who to lean on as it just seems everyone has their own problems at the moment.. i don't even know if i wnat to lean on anyone..

husband was genuinely scared he'd lost me to.. i was poorly and there was a lot of Dr's and nurses buzzing around and checking on me afterwards.. i dont remember this part just the details of labour and loosing baby.. the pain and loss. So he has had to deal with mixed emotions.. his words are along the lines of he thought he'd lost us both and is just happy to have me. Yes he is grieving too an di know it is hard on him , he cries silently when he thinks i wont notice as he is trying to stay strong.

Silly things trigger me... i was doing well.. we'd had a happy day with laughter, been out to the garden center and had a coffee but that evening i was sick . (not an issue as i have otherhealth issues) but that just took me back to how poorly i was and that maybe the vomitting from 'morning sickness' (the doctors gave it a scientific name) damaged things.. after all i started bleeding after retching, and the second loss of fluid was after a bought of vommitting..

i know if i think sensibly it wasn't my fault.. we took advice before trying .. i came of most of my medication and we accepted that for the time to try and the pregnancy it was going to be high pain and high symptoms for my other condition.. but it was worth trying .. but i stayed on a low dose of one med.. the specialists said that was fine.. but what if?

today i want to scream and rant and cry.. i want to walk and walk and walk until i cant any more .. not an option as i'm a chair user with limited mobility.. but that is how the healthy me would cope. But instead i'm stuck here with my meories and this deep burning pain. i want our baby.

My husband loves me and married me and i know he isn't going anywhere but i feel a failure.. i couldn't keep our baby safe.. i couldnt hold on to baby, I couldn't make everything ok ..

so much i want to say today and scream and shout.. then other days its ok.. i can manage.. i can be happy and as long as i dont think about remaining childless life is pretty good.. but now at the moment i'm in a mess

Mrs_T_M

msb5262 wrote: »

A thought - have you spoken to your GP about your physical state? It is usually possible to have tablets or an injection to stop your milk.

We spoke with the doctor at the hospital about the possibility of the milk coming in, and spoke of wanting to try again as soon as possible. She said that the best thing to do is to just let it be on it's own instead of taking medication for it, because sometimes medication can make it more difficult next time.

Cyclamen, the only thing I can advise is what I'm trying to let myself do, whatever you feel like doing at that moment , do it. Don't hold anything back and don't worry about being a bother to anyone. If anyone is bothered by what you've been through and are going through, that's their concern, not yours. We need help and support, and I think you and I both will for quite a while yet. *huge hugs*

Mrs_T_M

becsxxx wrote: »

Mrs TM - have been offline for a few days and only just read your news. Had posted on the other thread but understand you mightn't want to be reading on there. Having just read your full story am sat here in tears for your terrible loss. I am pleased you got to spend the time you wanted with Dale and have your memories and keepsakes of him. I don't really know what else to say other than I think you are being incredibly brave and you and your OH are in my thoughts at this time x

I'm still reading the 12-24 week thread, the big pregnancy thread, plus both ttc threads. I'm still following the newborn to 1 year thread, but not currently able to read it.

The chaplain just called to say that they had his hand prints and foot prints ready for us. We are going to pick them up tomorrow morning. Definitely not what I wanted to be doing on my birthday - which we have decided to not celebrate yet.

I've ordered a guardian angel pendant with a garnet (January birthstone) in it for a necklace for him. As we have more little ones, I can add to it. It's sterling silver, so I'll never need to take it off (unless we have a little one later on that likes to pull things like that).