Miscarriage support

sweaty_betty

So sorry Mrs_T_M.

Having been in a similar situation last year (we lost twin boys at 22+5 & 22+6) a lot of what you've described is very familiar to me, so you're not alone.

If I can help (advice, experience etc) at all please let me know. I can thoroughly recommend SANDS for support, meeting others who've been through similar (I didn't think this would help me, but it did).

I can only speak for myself, but this experience is something I will never truly get over, but I've found it getting easier to deal with as time has passed.

Take care

Lara44

Mrs TM, I'm still thinking of you and your OH. Hugest of hugs.

rosie_78

Hello all. Sorry to just barge back in after having been inactive so long. Just been trying to keep myself a little stable.

So upset.
I had a call from Health Visitor?

Said i'm calling to arrange a meeting as it's only 8 weeks till your little one is due.

I said I miscarried back in August!

She said "well you're on my piece of paper ... oh ok. Bye" and hung up

Left me in pieces.

Cyclamen

Hello,

I've been trying to pluck up the courage to type here.. the words just fill me with despair

At the end of November and 17 weeks pregnant we lost our baby.

I had been in and out of hospital 4 times the previous week with 'morning sickness' needing drips and so on. I had been bed bound for most of the previous 5 weeks and was more poorly than usual. So I was in a very weak state.

Went to the loo in hospital on the saturday morning after a strange sensation in bed and thought my waters had broken.. nurse checked pad and I was told by nurse i'd wet myself, but a scan was booked for monday and i was sent home. Sunday night more fluid ambulance person confirmed it was amniotic fluid and phoned ward.. was told to wait.. well the scan on monday showed my waters had gone and baby had a developmental issue.

Now i was a high risk pregnancy all along as i am disabled, i'd been scanned loads as had some bleeding at 9 weeks.. been to specialist baby unit in another hospital and had finally stopped worrying as the specialist said all looked ok.

Baby was no longer viable and we would have to say goodbye... got the tablets tuesday to start things.. i found it so hard to take that pill just sat looking at it.. was booked onto ward for thursday to go into labour (more meds planned). The pain got so bad we had paramedics out with gas and air on wednesday afternoon.. stuck in Aand E for a few hours then onto the ward.

They started it all with pessaries and tablets, my husband didnt leave me.. it wasn't an easy delivery and I ended up quite poorly but on thursday afternoon we came home without our baby. They couldn't tell me if baby was a girl or a boy, i didnt want to see baby . My husband was amazing throughout and has really supported me.



Due to my health i was very poorly for few weeks after and didnt really cry or start grieving.. just numbness.. went to church just before christmas to light a candle for baby and saw our vicar (he married us at 13 weeks and knew of our loss) well the damns burst and i sobbed uncontrollably and finally started to accept what had happened.

Husband has now had a vasectomy i am not well enough to try again but we would have done everything we could for our baby, had grandparents and cousins lined up to help, support in place, we could have done it, but my body just isnt strong enough for a pregnancy. So not only have i lost this baby but we wont be having any others.

I want my baby. I don't know how to cope with these thoughts.

msb5262

I'm so sorry to read this, Cyclamen - what a sad and awful thing to happen. It must have been very traumatic, especially as you'd got through those difficult early weeks. Please accept my sincere condolences and best wishes. Have you spoken to your GP or midwife since you lost your baby? It sounds as if you need some proper help and support. Please speak to someone about how you're feeling, I'm really worried about you.
love from MsB x

sweaty_betty

I'm so sorry cyclamen. I echo the above comment, you've been through such a lot, please see if you can get some counselling, speak to SANDS etc. you've been through a horrendous experience. We're here if you need someone to listen.

Cyclamen

thanks ladies

social worker phoned two days after to arrange care assesment as i am disabled.. i explained we'd lost baby she apologised and hung up.. no mention of help.

Midwife phoned about a week after to check on me.. but i was very poorly and didnt really say much.

i thought i was doing ok.. but have fallen apart these last few days.

i dont have many real life friends as have been ill for 4 years and they vanished.. best friend is the other end of the country . Mum lost babies so i dont want to talk to her and upset her... husband is trying so hard to look after me.. and me getting upset upsets him more.

straight after i couldn't remember the 'hospital bit' and was relieved but it all came back suddenly an di can remember every detail of loosing baby. it keeps playing in my head.

i will look into sands..

sorry to offload but i need somewhere away from my usual online illness support forum where my other friends are, i can hardly post i've miscarried help me there .

trying to hold things together but a bit of a mess.. strange how i can be normal and even laughing for a few days then bang the grief...

time heals

thanks for caring enough to reply

Metranil_Vavin

Really sorry to see this thread is active again.

Mrs TM so sorry to read your shocking news. I've been following your story. There are no words, it's just really really s h i t that these things have to happen

Cyclamen very sorry to read your story too, it's truly heartbreaking. This thread is a great source of support from women who have been through a loss, many different stories but with the same outcome of trying to cope with the loss of a much wanted baby.

The rubbish cliche is that time heals..I'm not sure you ever really heal or forget but it does get easier as time goes by.
x

tessie_bear

hi i have never posted on here but have read and know something of the pain involved...rosie words fail me at the phone call from the socalled health professional...im so sorry that that happened and hope you can out it behind you

cyclamen what a dark hard horrible place you find yourself in wonderful your chap is so supportive...maybe some counselling would help ring the sw back and ask for help the candle lighting sounds a lovely thing to do all the very best to you and good luck

fran-o

Sorry to see this thread so active. I gained great support and strength from posting here when it happened to me end of 2012. Hugs to all the ladies (and your partners) going through this.
Be kind to yourself - allow yourself to cry when you need to, talk when you need to, get on with other things if you want to... The thing that helped me the most was talking: to my partner, to my Mum, posting on this board, and eventually talking to a counsellor. Keeping my feelings to myself was easier for getting on with life, getting through the day to day etc, however it made me feel alone with my thoughts. Even though it was heart wrenching to talk through everything it did really help me. Thinking of you xx