Miscarriage support

Phoenix7

claire16c wrote: »

Phoenix just to say that if there is enough there for surgical to be an option please don't discount it because of your OH.

I had a d&c and my friend is currently been having a natural miscarriage at home which frankly has sounded horrendous. I think if your OH knew the pain and bleeding it could cause he might not think like that.

I don't want to scare you & every case is different but for me I could not deal with that type of pain like contractions at home on my own, and getting it over with was much better. DH said to me he's really glad he didn't have to see me having weeks of pain like my friend has been having.

Medical management should at least speed it up, but you really should do what you want.

Thank you claire. To be honest, if surgical is an option I think I would rather go for it as like you, I would rather things were over as quickly as possible. I do not want to have a long drawn out natural miscarriage, and I know he would not want for me to suffer like that. I think he generally doesn't like hospitals and maybe the thought of me being in overnight. Can I ask how long it took? Was it just a day procedure or did you stay in?

TeamLowe wrote: »

Phoenix I had a missed miscarriage (as they're called) over two years ago now and had the medical management, so I just thought I'd share the procedure so you've a better idea.

I'd had spotting so gone to the EPU. I should have been 10.5 weeks but was only measuring 5.5 weeks. like you i was asked to come back for another scan a week later which confirmed there'd been no growth. I had to to choose between surgical and medical management and i chose medical as i could be admitted sooner for that

On the Friday I went into the EPU to take the first pill under supervision then wait 20 minutes on the ward to make sure it wasn't vomited back up.

On the Monday I was admitted and had two more tablets as a pessary. in quite possibly the least dignified experience of my life, i had to go the toilet in a cardboard pot so that a nurse could go through it and look for what I might have passed. not much had come out and I'd told the nurse that I'd had a significant clot over the weekend.
I had a scan at 1pm which showed that everything had passed and I was allowed home.

Hope this helps in some way, I'm sure the other ladies will share their experience of the surgical management but I know I'm one of very few who had a the medical management as it's not a pleasant experience. I didn't find it painful, it's just not very pleasant

Although obviously I hope this is all superflous and you'll find everything is ok at the next scan.
take good care of yourself x x

Thank you TL, that is very helpful information. Also, with regards to peeing in a cardboard pot, I had to do it after having my daughter, so at least it won't be a surprise

please-let-me-be-lucky

Hi Phoenix, so sorry you have to join us on this thread. The best advice I can give is for you to make the best decision FOR YOU. As much as I'm sure you love and respect your OH and his opinions, it is your body it is happening to.

Below is a quote that I made when someone wanted to know what happened in a medical management case as she wanted to support her friend through it. I never do things be halves and the outcome may well be different for you, however it may be useful to know my experience. In terms of your OH not liking hospitals, I ended up in there for a lot longer with the medical management than I did with the ERPC.

Ignore the bit at the end where I say what I would do if there was a next time as that's a personal decision.

In answer to your question about time for ERPC, I had to be in hospital for 7am and I was home by 3pm.

please-let-me-be-lucky wrote: »

Hi BWP, I've experienced it twice.

The first time, with my 2nd mc, I opted for it because I didn't want an ERPC. Truth be told I was scared of being put to sleep . I had tried to miscarry naturally for a few weeks but it hadn't happened so I opted for medical management. I had to go in first thing and take some tablets to soften the cervix and make my womb contract. It was then a lot of waiting around/walks to the cafe etc and it didn't particularly hurt, just usual period type cramps. Without being too graphic, every time I went to the loo a nurse checked what was passed but by the end of the day I had only passed blood clots not 'product' so I ended up with an ERPC a few weeks later.

Last time, when I lost the twins I was all set in my mind for an ERPC as the medical management 'didn't work', but because of complications with the ERPC last time they wanted to avoid it and recommended medical management again. What I didn't know the first time was that they only give you a low dose medication if it was an earlier pregnancy (my 2nd loss was at 8 weeks but baby stopped growing at 6weeks). This time I had lost twins at 12 weeks and they gave me a big dose of medication. I'm not gonna lie it hurt a lot more, I lost a lot of blood, fainted and ended up admitted to hospital on a drip for 3 days!!! On balance though this was still better than the ERPC I had and would opt for medical management again in the same situation (though obviously I hope to never need another).
Xx

Gopppers

I have once again been umming and ahhing about posting on this thread but found some courage to do so.

Those of you who don't know, I had a private scan at 10 weeks last Saturday with the scan only showing about 7 and a bit weeks, no heartbeat. I have been terribly worried about this pregnancy from day dot as I have miscarried only back in June but as the weeks went by, I was slowly becoming a little more positive only for my world to come crashing down

I have since been hospital and they have confirmed mc. I have decided to go for the medically managed route as my body doesn't seem to be doing anything at the moment. So I'm in for the first part on Thursday then back in on Saturday.

Thank you to teamlowe for your experience on this. I am very worried about what will happen... The pain, the chances of things going wrong and realise my worst nightmare to have to stay in hospital and have the operation.

I'm totally beside myself and can't shake off this sad, empty feeling I'm having. I know it's early days and things aren't over but i don't remember feeling like this with my mc back in June where nature took its course and I was at home. I don't know if I have somehow blocked all those feelings out or feel worse this 2nd time round?

Anyway I'm totally rambling. Sorry for my random talk.

Phoenix I do hope you are ok, I only realised last week who you were on here when I read your posts and put 2 and 2 together xx

Gops x

ETA, PLMBL, your experience has made me a little nervous about this procedure

msb5262

So so sorry Gopppers - poor you.

I'm not surprised you feel so very low.
Remember that for most people medical management is a good option and if you're feeling very anxious about the whole procedure, talk - talk here, talk to your GP if you can, talk to your OH and to the hospital staff who are looking after you.
Talk to friends and family as much as you are able, it's amazing how many people come out of the woodwork and sympathise, help and tell you about their own experience of loss.

Let us know how you're doing please.

Sending love and best wishes

MsB x

Phoenix7

Gopppers wrote: »

Phoenix I do hope you are ok, I only realised last week who you were on here when I read your posts and put 2 and 2 together xx

Ah yes, sorry. I set up a new account to post on the Less than 12 weeks thread as there is actually someone posting on there at the minute who I know in real life (someone who lives near me, not anyone from our group), but I don't know if she knew my other alias. I thought it might be better to set up a new name than risk being identified!

Big hugs Gopps, sounds like you're really struggling with this, and no surprise really. I hope your OH and little lady are looking after you. xx

sweaty_betty

Phoenix7 wrote: »

Ah yes, sorry. I set up a new account to post on the Less than 12 weeks thread as there is actually someone posting on there at the minute who I know in real life (someone who lives near me, not anyone from our group), but I don't know if she knew my other alias. I thought it might be better to set up a new name than risk being identified!

Now I am intrigued!

Phoenix, Goppers, I'm so sorry you both find yourselves here. I don't have anything to add, the others have more experience of loss at this stage than I do, but I do just want to give you both a virtual hug.

sweaty_betty

rosie_78 wrote: »

hello all,

been ill past few days. had blood tests a while back which showed bfn, but then ov'd after. had a handful of bfp's (didn't tell anyone) and was going to talk to bf Friday night.

But then period arrived on Friday night (first one since erpc following mmc). its been awful and whilst I have been expecting it to be bad it's been massively painful and heavy. a few small clots, nothing like before.

i'm exhausted and not sleeping more than an hour or two a night.

very scared about psychiatrist appointment as I know my psychologist is mad at me. so she'll of told him to make me comply with the classes I've missed. urgh it's all really hard.

I hope everyone is as well as can be expected xx xx xx sorry im so crap at keeping up on here x

Rosie - hope you're OK. Sounds like your body needs a bit of time to get back to "normal". It's not uncommon to have really heavy, clotting periods after a miscarriage, I guess it's nature's way of clearing out to start again. Give yourself a break and have plenty of rest.

Hope the appointment went OK.

sweaty_betty

AFM - I've been really irritable for the last day or two. I think it's a mixture of having my period (and so am obviously not pregnant) and now we have our extension finished I don't have that to distract me from all that's happened recently.

I thought this might happen, as the building work has been a big distraction, but I just feel angry with everyone/everything (including getting easily frustrated with my LO, which I hate feeling).

I have booked myself in for a massage/reflexology this weekend to try to take my mind off it all - don't know if it will help, but I'm going to give it a go.

Hope you're all surviving.

please-let-me-be-lucky

Goppers, I didn't mean to make you nervous sorry. Honestly, if it's gonna happen to one in a thousand, I'll be the one!! All the other lovely ladies on this thread have had as positive an experience as it can be in this situation, don't let me be the one you focus on. I hope it goes smoothly for you Xx

Betty, I'm sorry you are going through the irritable stage, but it's perfectly understandable. I hope the massage helps. Xx

claire16c

Phoenix I was in the hospital for about 10 hours, would have been quicker had it not taken ages waiting for a nurse to take the cannula thing out & sign some paperwork. The op itself took about 15 mins and I think I took 30-45 mins of coming round/sleeping then they wheel you back to the ward. So it's definitely try quickest way if you want to get it over with & when I woke up apart from the mildest of cramps I mean barely anything I had no pain.