Miscarriage support

Nicki

tea_lover wrote: »

Think I may have reached the limit of what my stiff upper lip can cope with. Thought that 6 months later I'd be feeling better, having managed surprising well at the time. If anything I feel worse. Could happily go home to bed and just stop there.

Maybe you can't bypass grief by keeping busy, am starting to think it's just sitting there festering, waiting to drag me under.

When I had my first loss tea, which was a MMC discovered at 17 weeks I didn't even begin to start to heal until after the due date passed. I had to go back to work after 2 weeks and I thought I was holding it together OK but about 3 months after the due date passed my boss (who was a mother and had had losses herself) remarked to me how nice it was to see that I was starting to come through things again after months of grief, so obviously I wasn't outwardly hiding things as well as I thought.

There isn't any time limit on when you should start feeling better. I did cope much better after my second loss, but even then it took months, and in my experience it definitely makes it much harder to heal if you are trying to conceive again and facing difficulties.

tea_lover

Thanks for all the replies as ever ladies

I think you make a very valid point about EDD Nicki. Our baby was due on christmas day, and now the christmas countdown seems to have begun (already!) it really seems to be hammered home all the time. I keep hearing how many days it is, etc. It's not like I'd forgotten about it before, obviously, but at least there wasn't an actual countdown!

Just feel like I'm unravelling at the moment, like I'm not in control. I cry at everything, I'm so snappy it's a wonder I've still got a job. Everything just feels like so much effort.

We're back at the hospital next week and will be starting IVF #2 sometime in Nov. Dreading it.

I didn't take any time off at the time but feel like I could really do with it now!

msb5262

Tea - if you need some time off, go to the GP and explain how you're feeling. You can be signed off with stress if you need, and it's nobody else's business.
Samtoby - you are strong, but you are bound to have feelings! You haven't crumbled although I'm sure you feel that way. Keep getting through the days by whatever means you can manage.
PMBL - bless you, hope things start to feel a bit easier very soon.

Best wishes to everyone here - the club nobody wants to join...

love MsB x

Lara44

Tea, it sounds like you'd really benefit from some time off. I second MsB's suggestion about visiting the GP and explaining how you feel.

Also maybe talking to someone would help? This doesn't have to be conventional counselling. I had some sessions with a lady who was a counsellor and also hypnotherapist and she really gave me some space to just talk and some tools to go forward with.

Sam - am feeling just the same. Trying to go day by day xx

sweaty_betty

Tea - FWIW my mood has gone up and down. At first (and at my lowest so far) I just wanted to walk in front of a bus. Then we've had our building work to distract us (we were making more space because we were expecting two more children...). Now the building work is coming to an end, I'm worried that now I don't have that distraction I might have a nervous breakdown! Our due date has just passed this week, so maybe it'll help to have that over. I really don't know.

We seem to have moments where it all comes flooding back - pregnancy announcements etc. We don't resent those who are having babies, but as OH put it "why is life not fair?" I wish there was a magic wand to make the pain go away.

ncsmummy

My edd is rapidily approaching (14th Nov) and I seem to be finding it harder and harder :-( I should be so happy right now but instead I feel completely lost and empty. Dont get me wrong I am so so grateful for the 2 amazing children I already have but OH and I desperately want one together and he doesnt have any so this would have been his first.
I naively thought we would be pg again by now as we fell so easily last time but it hasnt happened. We have had lots of other stress the last month or so and it has sent my anxiety and panic attacks off the scale. Tuesday morning I burst into floods of tears and couldnt stop, I finally conceded and went to the docs and she gave me some meds to get me through.
I am dreading the next week or so leading up to our edd, I just want my baby :-(

claire16c

tea_lover wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies as ever ladies

I think you make a very valid point about EDD Nicki. Our baby was due on christmas day, and now the christmas countdown seems to have begun (already!) it really seems to be hammered home all the time. I keep hearing how many days it is, etc. It's not like I'd forgotten about it before, obviously, but at least there wasn't an actual countdown!

Just feel like I'm unravelling at the moment, like I'm not in control. I cry at everything, I'm so snappy it's a wonder I've still got a job. Everything just feels like so much effort.

We're back at the hospital next week and will be starting IVF #2 sometime in Nov. Dreading it.

I didn't take any time off at the time but feel like I could really do with it now!

Can you get signed off, or just take some holiday? Or do you need to save holiday for your IVF?

I think having a due date like that will no doubt just rub it in even more.

Mine was July 4th and I felt like every American pop song out there was singing about it. That Katy Perry firework song reminds me of my miscarriage so much, not only because of the date but because of some of the words in the song also. I did feel better once it was past that date though, it was a relief.

Then Kate and William having their baby at around the same time. They got married just after us, got pregnant just after us, had the morning sickness just after me etc. Now they're smiling in the paper with a baby and that is hard to see, even though Im very lucky to be pregnant again.

Ncsmummy, have you joined the ttc thread? The ladies on there are really helpful.

BadlyWrittenPoem

ncsmummy wrote: »

My edd is rapidily approaching (14th Nov) and I seem to be finding it harder and harder :-( I should be so happy right now but instead I feel completely lost and empty. Dont get me wrong I am so so grateful for the 2 amazing children I already have but OH and I desperately want one together and he doesnt have any so this would have been his first.
I naively thought we would be pg again by now as we fell so easily last time but it hasnt happened. We have had lots of other stress the last month or so and it has sent my anxiety and panic attacks off the scale. Tuesday morning I burst into floods of tears and couldnt stop, I finally conceded and went to the docs and she gave me some meds to get me through.
I am dreading the next week or so leading up to our edd, I just want my baby :-(

:grouphug: Due dates are tough. And I don't think it matters how many children you have already or how many you have after - all babies are precious and it's totally acceptable to be sad about the one you lost while still appreciating the ones you have.

samtoby

I haven't crossed my angel babies due date but I am sure it is a major tough day.

Hope all you ladies are ok; hugs all round. x

Mrs_T_M

May I join? I'm in the process of miscarrying currently (had the paramedic out to confirm it). I have a feeling that DH might take it harder than me, and I'm worried about him.