Miscarriage support

tea_lover

Big hugs claire. I just tried writing a big reply but I was going round in circles and it didn't come out anywhere near as reassuring as it sounded in my head. I haven't got any wonderful suggestions, but just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you, and have absolutely everything crossed for the best of outcomes x.

Lara44

Hi Ladies

I have spent the week miscarrying our first pregnancy at 7 weeks. I feel incredibly sad about it, although I realise that planting a seed that didn't grow is different from a later pregnancy loss. I am so sorry to read about others experiences on the thread which sound so hard.

I'm in the middle of finishing my PhD which has already been one of the most challenging and difficult times for me. My supervisors have been great and paused my studies to allow me a couple of weeks off. I just feel almost winded, like the rug has been pulled out from under me. It is very difficult.

Claire, I know you must feel a great deal of worry. Sometimes it is very hard to keep the faith, especially when feeling afraid. I am not sure if it helps, but I have hope and faith for you.

xx

TeamLowe

Lara lots of hugs, it's a very very hard time for anyone. take it easy and most importantly take it easy on yourself, give yourself time to grieve and i promise the pain will ease. it will never go away but it will ease.

Claire hugs for you too, it's hard to keep positive when you know how easily it can go wrong, especially after a missed miscarriage, as the lack of bleeding/pain isn't reassuring.
Just remember the statistics are on your side and the midwife the first time round told me that a lot of first pregnancies end in miscarriage because your body doesn't know what it's doing and it comes as a shock. the second time round it's had some practice and knows what to expect a bit more so everything goes ok

claire16c

Lara I'm glad you have some time off. Any loss is hard, my baby stopped growing at 8 weeks & I saw it on the screen & it really did look like a tiny baby. I'm not saying that to make you feel any worse than you already do of course but just to say that at even such an early loss you have as much right to feel sad as anyone else.

Thanks tea xx how are you doing?

TL yes you know how I feel, I check for blood probably 20 times a day but it still doesn't reassure me as like you say you know it doesn't mean everything is definitely ok, I'm just paranoid something bad will happen.

I feel like my chance to have an exciting pregnancy has been taken from me forever because I have lost any naive thoughts that people who sail through pregnancy have. I feel like I know too much!

And I also feel bad as I know some of you would give your right arm to be pregnant. I'm not ungrateful at all, I am ecstatic to be pregnant I just feel like its getting cancelled out by fear.

BugglyB

The only part of the royal baby coverage that got to me was the duchess saying 'any parent will know how this feels'. We are all parents on this thread but sadly not all of us know how it feels to walk out of one of the best maternity wards in the country with our healthy child and wealthy, supportive husband!

sweaty_betty

Hello there - Claire I just wanted to say that I understand about not feeling like I could enjoy pregnancy - I had an early miscarriage last year and was a nervous wreck when I found I was pregnant again. Hopefully as time goes on you'll start to feel a bit more relaxed

AFM - I have a follow-up appointment with the consultant and bereavement midwife this week to discuss any test results, what they think might have gone wrong etc. I have questions in my head about what happened, why, will it happen again, what will they do to monitor me to stop it happening again etc etc.

In some way I'm dreading them saying it was "just one of those things" but at the same time I don't want them to tell me it was something I did or that I have something wrong that would mean I'd never have another successful pregnancy...

I guess it's another step along the way, I'll be glad when it's over and done with.

claire16c

Betty I'm not a dr but I can't Imagine for one second it will be anything you did xx

Lara44

Huge ((((((((((hugs))))))))))) Betty xx

BadlyWrittenPoem

Hi, I don't come on here very often any more but I just came on and wanted to send my thoughts and sympathy to those of you who are newly bereaved - I think having to bury your child is one of the hardest things in the world.

In terms of care in the next pregnancy, this was discussed briefly with me at my postnatal followup appointment (which was supposed to be at about eight weeks although mine was later due to the hospital making mistakes) and I was told that it was up to me how much extra monitoring I would have. I had thought that I wouldn't want any (I found out after the fact that my daughter had been small from the beginning so I don't think any monitoring would have changed the outcome) but at my anomaly scan (which was three weeks earlier than my previour baby had died) my consultant offered me a scan at 26 weeks which I took because I felt that seeing the baby after the point where my previous one had died would help. At the 26 weeks scan I was offered one at 34 weeks which I mainly took because my consultant was lovely and at the time I was in the process of changing midwife because she was so bad. Although there were actually no problems with the baby I was very glad I did go for that scan as unfortunately, a couple of midwives had said some rather inappropriate things in front of my five year old with the result that the scan was needed to reassure her. I had been under consultant care for previous pregnancies for other reasons but it was completely different. The previous times were just as part of the routine antenatal clinic where the consultant sees loads of people for about fifteen minutes each and you are in a massive waiting room full of pregnant women. Instead, we were seen on the "Foetal Monitoring List" and the appointments were in a place where there was a small waiting room where there was never more than one other person waiting and you had one long appointment with the consultant who did the scan and everything rather than you traipsing around seeing a MW, having a scan and seeing the consultant at different times with long waits inbetween. I actually had the same scans (for a different reason) and the same consultant in my first pregnancy but it was a completely different experience. Hope that is useful.

sweaty_betty

Hello there - just to let you know that my appointment went well. The doctor was very good, pre-empted many of my questions and laid out the plan for next time (if we're able to get pregnant again - my words not his). His view is that the boys were born early as a result of the extra pressure of more than one baby and/or because my cervix was weak. There was no sign of infection.

So the plan for another time is lots of pre-natal vitamins, early antenatal appointments with cervical scans once we get passed 12 weeks.

It was odd going back to the antenatal ward for the appointment, but I'm glad I did as it means my last memory of it isn't walking out without my boys.