Miscarriage support

sweaty_betty

samtoby wrote: »

Thank you Betty. I think your story though makes me feel mine is nothing in comparison.

Samtoby - everything is relative, it's a hideous thing to happen at whatever stage. From the moment you know you're pregnant you think/dream about how things will be when they arrive, as they grow up, etc. When you lose them at whatever stage, you lose all of those dreams, plans etc. It's just horrible.

It wasn't your fault. These things happen for reasons we don't understand. I had a miscarriage at 5-6 weeks last year and felt the same as you, but at such an early stage there's little you can do to cause harm or protect against it. I know it doesn't help, even if we knew there were chromosomal problems it's hard to think losing babies was "for the best" - they were still our babies.

I'm pretty sure that there are a number of women who've had missed miscarriages and gone on to have successful pregnancies who can hopefully give you some comfort. Have the hospital offered any advice, more monitoring for future pregnancies? It might be worth asking about if it's not been mentioned.

abis21

So many hugs to all you ladies.

Sam - I had a missed miscarriage too. I had severe morning sickness and had lost a stone, so had been quite smugly thinking everything was progressing well. I had a bump, all the symptoms. We told my DD, and she came to the scan with us as it never crossed my mind for a second that something could have gone wrong. I had a complication with mine as well, so needed monitoring and had to stop TTC for months afterwards too.

The world did suck big time and I was angry, bitter and resentful for all those people who got to carry their babies to term for a while.

The first few days were the worst, they just felt like they went on forever. People said 'time would fly' during my monitoring period and I could have punched them seriously hard. Theres such a mix of emotions at the start, and I did feel ashamed at feeling 'relief' because once I had the ERPC my sickness stopped as did the extreme tiredness and for the first time in months I felt normal. Theres no right or wrong thing to feel at all. Anything and everything you will feel is completely normal.

It helped me to stay distracted during the early days, so I stayed off work a while and bought some jigsaws just to give me something to do. I cried lots too, coming in waves at times. You are grieving tho - you have lost your baby but also the future you had planned and its ok to feel cheated about that. After a few days I felt able to return to work as I work part time and for my brother so I knew I could leave mid-day or even after 10 minutes if it got too much. Don't rush back in to doing anything though. A doctor will sign you off for as long as you need.

It sucks so much, and I wish no one had to go through it.

In answer to your other question, I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant and doing ok so far. I haven't enjoyed the scans as that's where I found out the bad news so they were a terrible reminder, but on the whole I am managing to enjoy the pregnancy. Once you have had a loss I don't think you will be truly reassured until you are holding your baby though.

Betty - Big hugs. I'm glad the appointment went ok. I still think of you often and send good wishes your way.

Lara - Hugs, am glad you feel a bit more normal at the moment. I had an early miscarriage as well as my mmc, and I hated the actual bleeding as it was a reminder about everything. I did feel a little better once that had stopped. It all sucks so much though

Derby - I found the run up to the due date far harder to deal with than I had anticipated. I had deliberately planned in some things to help, but in the quieter moments I was in bits. The due date itself was sad, but not so bad as the build up somehow. And afterwards, altho it still hurt at times and still does occasionally, it wasn't quite as raw or painful.

TeamLowe

Samtoby it's not exactly the same but I had light spotting at 11 weeks last pregnancy so went to the EPU - I thought I'd be told I had nothing to worry about and it was just from intercourse the night before but the scan showed the baby had died at 5.5 weeks.

It was awful and I felt totally betrayed by my body and hated that I had no idea what had happened and was making plans, imagining my baby in my arms. Hated the wait for treatment. Hated it all really.

Whilst I don't have a baby in my arms just yet so no chicken counting, we're passed twelve weeks and everything is ok. I've done nothing different this time round, so it really must have been luck of the draw last time, as I'm sure it is for you too

It's quite natural to wonder if anything could have changed it. in a way I wanted it to be my fault, I wanted it to have been something I'd done/not done, so that next time I'd know better and everything would be ok.

samtoby

Thank you.

I have been offered a test on my thyroid as the hospital is going through some clinical trials at the moment into anti bodies. I have decided to look into that as I am interested in whether this is related at all. I am on the low weight side and I do wonder if that has anything to do with it. I can keep searching for a reason but will it bring me much comfort? Probably not.

I have not been offered any testing etc and the Midwife said that if I fall again I can request them to early scan me, but she could understand my frustration that I had two early scans and one was only days before the baby died. So the scanning might not help me. She said I can ask though and she is sure that the request would be accepted.

We started tracking ovulation in March and I got my BFP in May at the end so I have to be happy that I wasn't someone in a boat of trying for years and then loosing out, it doesn't make the loss any less though. I still feel empty yet still strangely full. Tomorrow may be different.

I am going to see what vitamins I can take just to get my body back up and running it can not hurt even if we are not actively trying.

Abis - Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you all the luck in the world. 24 weeks must be a milestone in this situation.

Sweaty Betty - They gave me loads of leaflets. I picked one up and shut it fast. I might look after the operation.

samtoby

Thank you TeamLowe - It sounds strange but I think I will find it hard seeing the pregnancy threads thinking - I should be there too. Our due dates were similar so I wish you every luck in the world with your baby Lowe and hope that I will be back on the threads again.

Its a fear I think I will have all the way through the first 12 weeks. Scanning will mean nothing to me. All that keeps ringing in my head is the scan I had days before baby died and the Sonogrpaher said ' lovely strong heartbeat'.

BadlyWrittenPoem

samtoby wrote: »

I want to know people go through a missed miscarriage and find out at 12 weeks (with so signs it has happened) and have gone on to have a baby. So if anyone has can they speak up, otherwise Google will become my friend and I fear that is going to make me worse!

Not twelve weeks but I had a so called "missed miscarriage" at 21 weeks and found out at a routine scan. I had been very sick early on (as in admitted to hospital on a drip kind of sick) which made me think I was safe as I'd had previous miscarriages without sickness. I felt like the daughter I already had must have been a fluke and that no pregnancy would ever work out but I had my rainbow baby almost year after my original due date.

samtoby

Thank you BadlyWrittenPoem - it doesn't seem right at 21 weeks to be called that. Well to me anyway. I am so glad you have gone on to have your angel baby. xx

BadlyWrittenPoem

samtoby wrote: »

Thank you BadlyWrittenPoem - it doesn't seem right at 21 weeks to be called that. Well to me anyway. I am so glad you have gone on to have your angel baby. xx

Thanks, I agree and I hate that it is called that - it's the official term in this country so it's what is on all my notes but it was a completely different experience to the early miscarriages as I did actually give birth and in most other English speaking countries it would have counted as a stillbirth.

Courgette

I hate to see this thread so busy. :( Miscarriage really is the sh!ttiest, crrapiest thing to go through. I'm so sorry to everyone on here who is going through the real hell of this, it's just utterly crap and so unfair.

The waiting around is a real killer too, waiting for the mc to complete, waiting for CD1, waiting and waiting for another BFP knowing it won't really take away the hurt and then in a new pregnancy waiting and waiting for all the milestones to pass while knowing full well now that things can go wrong at any point and previous losses don't give you any kind of protection from things going wrong again.

Time doesn't necessarily heal but it makes things more manageable

xxx

samtoby

I guess people loose babies all the way along, even at the end. I have only know less than 12 week miscarriages apart from an old friend from school who lost a baby to having high blood pressure and she fitted and the baby was killing her I am sure it has a name. She nearly died. That was 23 weeks I think but the baby had stopped growing. She has had three children since all fine. xx