Miscarriage support

samtoby

Thank you Courgette. It is really Cr!p. Reading so many pages as I have makes me realise how many people just on here that have talked about their loss. I bet there are many that do not even talk about it. I am a silence person. I deal with upset that way. I can't really talk much to my partner or Mum but I feel much better just led on the sofa here writing on the forum. Thanks to everyone who is taking their time to reply, its passing the day for me as I just want tomorrow and my operation to come. xx

Lara44

Samtoby it is so natural for you to be feeling so much raw emotion. After 10 days I am starting to feel a bit more sane. Time goes so slowly, just take as much time to rest and recuperate as possible. I found getting out of the house good, even just popping to the local park.

First of all I was sure the mc was my fault for being stressed. But with hindsight now I think that there was nothing I could have done. My body made the decision for me.

It still hurts seeing the less than 12wk thread and knowing I am no longer a part of it. But it gives me a lot of hope to see TeamLowe, Claire16c and others there who also suffered mcs previously now healthy and happy. Long may it continue!

I also picked up a leaflet about that thyroid study. I thought it could be a good way of getting that checked. Maybe we can chat about it later when the dust has settled a bit.

It is lovely to hear stories of babies after losses. Wishing you every happiness Badlywrittenpoem.

Thanks for the good wishes Abis xx

samtoby

Part of me took something from the Midwife telling me that my body is still showing me all the signs because it hasn't let it go, it is working hard to retain it. That is the opposite of what I want it to do now. My brain and heart know the baby is gone so why is there a perfect looking sac with a baby in it and no sign its gone to sleep?! Maybe if I was left a few more weeks my body would register but all hands to you having to live your miscarriage - at least mine will be taken away for me.

I hope we get to go back and join other ladies soon but I enjoyed being on the Ttc thread the support and kindness and I have just posted advising I will be returning soon and what vitamins are they are taking. I want to look after my body and recover.

I can't believe how kind people have been. It is such a nice thing to know.

Courgette

Please don't underestimate the physical aspect of your loss either. For 12 weeks your body has been focussing all its energies on building the baby. I started to feel better when I started to get physically stronger and to help with this I took massive doses of vitamins but even just taking a good multivitamin everyday will support your body while you mind heals.

I really hope that doesn't read as though I'm suggesting taking a few pills will make things better. I just mean take good care of ALL of you not just your broken heart

Metranil_Vavin

Sam I haven't had a missed mc, but had a loss at 9 weeks in 2010, where I had a lot of bleeding, yet on 2 separate occasions at EPU was told it was something other than the baby causing it, and that baby was 'fine'.

I left EPU both times on a real high, crying with relief, only to then crash down again as the bleeding continued and intensified.

The 3rd time I went back I was told I had 'passed the pregnancy', and was also told by the sonographer (who was heavily pregnant herself..nice) that it 'hadn't looked right' from the beginning. I kind of wish they'd told me. I know whay they didn't, but the roller coaster of emotions I went through..up and down, up and down and then the final blow, was unbearable.

It took me a good while to come to terms with it all and I used to sit ad cry over the scan pic they had helpfully given me in a little frame which had 'I can hear your voice' written underneth..it broke my heart.

It's really hard on the dad's too, as I sunk into total self-absorbedness over it. I realise now he was hurting a lot too but was keeping it together for me.

I went on to conceive my son who is now 2.5, 3 months after my mc was complete. I never thought I'd get there, and if you read the first few pages of this thread you'll see I was on here a lot convinced it was never going to happen.

Just do what you need to to get through. If lying on the sofa and chatting on here is helping, do it. xx

samtoby

Courgette - All I have been thinking about is my broken heart and yes I can see I need to help my body recover too. I don't know whether I will get some anti-biotic tomorrow after my operation either.

Lara- I have called the hospital and booked the appointment for the Thyroid trial. I spoke to a lovely lady and it is booked in for the 14th August. Two blood tests. I knew if I didn't do it, I wouldn't. If you have the courage soon and feel ready do it - what do we have to loose - something may show we never knew.

Metranil Vavin- Thank you for sharing your story so lovely to hear after the losses you now have your son. I hope the same happens to all of us.

AFM just called my boss who has to be the most understanding lady in the whole world. I really love having her as my boss. She has advised me to take as much time as I need. She also is aware that I may find it hard sitting a few seats from a lady who is just over 20 weeks and the pain that might cause me. I know this lady has suffered loss so I feel that although I will be sad I am glad for her she is pregnant. I don't want to tell anyone else and maybe I am better venting how I feel here and just getting on with what ever I need to do.

Different for everyone I guess.

Air_Cooled_75

I'm another who is sorry that this thread has picked up again.

I lost a baby boy in June, I was 21 weeks pregnant and he was born alive and lived for nearly 4 hours. My notes say 'neonatal death' but since he was born before 24 weeks it's still classed as a miscarriage?

Sweaty, glad your appointment went well. I still haven't heard from the hospital but I think I'm going to call my Dr. I can have a chat with him and he'll get onto the hospital for me. Hope you are 'ok'.

I'm very sorry for all your losses. Miscarriage is an awful thing to go through (understatement). I think about my little boy every day and with OH working away a few days a week at the moment and my little boy at nursery it seems all the more difficult. I think being alone gives me too much time to think.

Big hugs and love to you all x

claire16c

samtoby wrote: »

I feel numb this morning. It sounds bizarre but I want to start bleeding I want my body to do what it should and accept the baby has gone.

So glad I didn't tell many people. I couldn't have coped going back to them sayibg my baby has gone.

I know there are so many worse ways to loose a baby but I feel this is just cruel. I didn't need to suffer for weeks of sickness tiredness etc why could I not have just lost the baby at six weeks or something. I have been walking around for over three weeks with a dead baby in my tummy.

Sorry I am just devestated. Can't believe I am going to be watching out for CD1.

I could have written this in December. And I'm terrified of it happening again. Feeling sick doesn't reassure me at all. I read so many stats on if you throw up etc it means your chances are good. I mean they are, but seems like not for everyone.

I wished it had happened to me earlier too its just horrendous.

I am on the small side too & a dr at the hospital suggested I could have an over active thyroid - she didn't seem to believe that I do barely any exercise & am naturally built like this, plus she said my pulse was high which yes it was sky high in the hospital but might have been due to me being just a tad stressed!!

Anyway I've since has a thyroid test & it came back normal.

So for now I'm choosing to believe my baby probably had something wrong with it.

Although I do have a fear I have something wrong with me & ill have to go through this twice more before finding out.

I'm glad you have a supportive boss. And don't worry about the operation i was terrified but after reading some accounts of natural miscarriage online, and me being a wimp with pain it was definitely the best thing for me x

sweaty_betty

Air_Cooled_75 wrote: »

I lost a baby boy in June, I was 21 weeks pregnant and he was born alive and lived for nearly 4 hours. My notes say 'neonatal death' but since he was born before 24 weeks it's still classed as a miscarriage?

Hello Air Cooled. As I understand it, whatever stage a baby is born at, if they show signs of life it is not considered a miscarriage.
So it is possible to have a miscarriage or a neonatal death if they arrive before 24 weeks, but you have to be over 24 weeks to have a stillbirth.

Our boys were 22+5 and 22+6. There was a question over whether the 2nd baby showed signs of life or not. If he had, we'd have had to register his birth and death and I would have qualified for maternity leave. But as they were both classed as miscarriages, there's no actual record of them legally existing (e.g. birth certificates etc), which does make me feel a bit sad.

Lara44

How are you all doing today ladies?