Miscarriage support

Sparkles87

Thread hopping as unfortunately my friend went through this earlier in the year. If the baby is born, stillborn or live, before 24 weeks then it is still counted as a miscarriage - therefore no maternity pay is payable. For the same reason, I don't think you can claim any child benefit etc.

lilymay1

Oh no. I had hoped it might be different, although I don't see how someone who took breaths isn't alive. To me, your baby was born alive.

I'm so sorry that finances are a worry for you at this time. I hope it works out for you

claire16c

Yes my friend lost her baby at 22 weeks last year & she couldn't register her daughters birth/death or get maternity leave etc. just standard sick pay.

It's terrible as in some ways you might need longer off after a 'miscarriage'' than if you give birth to a healthy baby at 40 weeks.

tea_lover

It's always sad to see this thread pop up near the top again. Massive hugs to you all, seems like some of you have really gone through it lately. Am thinking of you.

Hope you can all get things sorted with work/sick pay etc. It's not important, but it's just one more thing to worry about that you could do without.

xx

claire16c

tea_lover wrote: »

It's always sad to see this thread pop up near the top again. Massive hugs to you all, seems like some of you have really gone through it lately. Am thinking of you.

Hope you can all get things sorted with work/sick pay etc. It's not important, but it's just one more thing to worry about that you could do without.

xx

That's it. It's just another thing that makes you feel like you could just loose the plot. I think I spent about 50% of my time crying about the mc & 50% thinking how do I escape my job now & a horrendous notice period as I knew I wanted to leave.

Then you feel bad for thinking about work.

Then you feel bad for not being at work. How will you pay the bills.

Then you feel bad for thinking about that & not your baby..

Then... You go round in circles

tea_lover

Totally agree about the going round in circles thing, you don't know whether you're coming or going.

I'm away for a week from tomorrow (break from work will definitely be welcome!) When I get back I think I'm going to see if I can still access the counsellors at the fertility clinic. I'm just getting more and more angry, and more and more bitter and I know that isn't helping.

I just feel such utter rage at times. There was an item on the news last night about a 'mother' who had killed her child and I swear I could have smashed the TV up. It's all just so unfair.

Metranil_Vavin

sweaty_betty wrote: »

Nothing as yet MV. I wasn't sure whether to seek any out yet or not. I've talked to the bereavement midwife and joined SANDS etc, thinking that would be a good start. I think both me and my OH will go to the next regional SANDS support group.

I'm not sure how long to leave it before deciding I need it (and I know that there can be long waiting lists for counselling etc). Perhaps once the funeral is done I'll see how I'm feeling.

Do you have any advice on this?

I think you have to follow your own instincts on this Betty. I'm sure at the moment your mind is whirring, so I think you should give yourself as long as you need to get your thoughts in order. There is no rush..you should take as much time as you need and grieve in whatever way you feel.

Maybe you could enquire (or ask someone to enquire on your behalf) as to if there is a waiting list and if so how long it is, but I'm sure that when you feel ready to talk, you'll take the steps necessary.

I'm hoping you have a good support network around you. I know you have a fantastic husband and a son who are providing you with some comfort, and hopefully there are other family and close friends there to offer you support when you need it.

Just do what you need to, when you need to. Don't be in a any rush to 'move on' or 'deal with it' or any such nonsense.

You've been through so much xx

faithhope

Huge hugs Goppers, Betty and Air Cooled.

I wish it wasn't called a miscarriage. That sounds like a wheel falling off something instead of what it is a baby dying, which is what it is no matter what stage of pregnancy.

Hope you all find the support that you need.

sweaty_betty

Thank you all. I had my first episode of anger at it all today, prompted by absolutely nothing! I have times where I think I'm OK, then someone says something nice or I have to think about the funeral or similar and that's me off again.

I was stupidly working out dates etc, I had an early miscarriage in late Oct. The due date for that pregnancy would have been last weekend, the weekend when I lost the boys. What an awful coincidence

Iris36

We found out we were pregnant late last year after 4 months of trying.Monday came and we went for our 12 week scan and was told the devastating news that our baby had stopped growing at 10 weeks. It was a Huge shock, i'd had no bleeding and didn't suspect that anything was wrong. We were told to go back to the hospital the next day to discuss what to do. We decided to opt for the Medical Management so the following day we were back at the hospital to take some tablets to get my body ready to miscarry.
After a day at home we were back to the hospital again 9:00 am this time as a day patient. It was the longest day ever. I was in hospital 12 hours before i was allowed home. I was in lots of pain and had morphine to help to ease it. I was very emotional and just wanted to go home. I was told i couldn't go home till they had seen that i had passed the foetus, which didn't happen till about 8:00 pm. I then had to wait an hour to make sure i did not bleed to heavily.

I spent the weekend in bed sore and emotional then on the monday i found out i had a infection and needed strong antibiotics.

I was off work for 3 weeks before i could face going back even then i struggled (i work in a baby room of a day nursery) 3 months on and i still have good days and bad days. We are back to trying again but why does it feel so difficult?

Our thoughts and prays go out there for everyone who has been through this.

Sorry if this doesn't all make sense but its the first time i have wrote on a forum but i needed to talk.

Thank you x