Miscarriage support

Toooldforthis

Air cooled big hugs to you xx

Don't know when I will get the results I guess when the consultant has seen them and written them up . Just now want to know if there was a reason or not if that makes sense x

Gopppers

Hi All, just wanted to send massive hugs to those that need them.

I've just last week found out i had miscarried and currently trying to come to terms with my loss and also trying to cope with the physical effects its having on my body.

I wasn't going to post on here initially, I have been finding it so hard to read other peoples experiences and what they are going through. I'm getting upset at every post I read but I changed my mind this morning.

I feel at a loss and I'm not really sure why Im posting as Im not really sure what I want to say... stuck for words...

Gops x

msb5262

Sweaty Betty - glad you found your way here too, I was thinking of you. What a nightmare for you. I'm so sorry.

Gopppers - well done for posting, it can be hard even putting it in writing on the screen. I hope you'll find it helps to go over it with sympathetic listeners/readers; you can post about anything you are feeling or wondering about.

Air Cooled - very glad to hear your OH is managing to express/share his feelings, best wishes to you both at this awful time.

Hope everyone reading feels that they are being supported in real life.


Love to all

MsB x

Air_Cooled_75

Sweaty Betty, I sent you a pm (I think!) I'm so, so sorry for your loss and I would imagine we are in a similar place right now. Love to you (and all you other ladies on here for that matter) xx

Metranil_Vavin

Betty I am so dreadfully sorry for your loss. You seem so strong, I have nothing but admiration for the way you appear to be coping, although I am sure the reality is something none of us could understand x

Goppers - sorry for your loss also x

I haven't read back the last few pages so love to all those others who have recently had a loss and are struggling at the moment.

sweaty_betty

Thank you all. I'm not sure how I'm coping to be honest! I'm spending a lot of the time in tears. Trying to get on with practical stuff (figuring out how much sick pay I'll get - very little! - sending thank you flowers to the hospital, making arrangements for the funeral etc. etc.) But even with the practical stuff I'm OK for a while then get a wave of grief literally taking over me.

I'm sure things will get better in time and I'm trying to focus on that and my toddler and OH, but this is probably the worst thing I've ever had to go through and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Metranil_Vavin

Are you getting any counselling help Betty?

sweaty_betty

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

Are you getting any counselling help Betty?

Nothing as yet MV. I wasn't sure whether to seek any out yet or not. I've talked to the bereavement midwife and joined SANDS etc, thinking that would be a good start. I think both me and my OH will go to the next regional SANDS support group.

I'm not sure how long to leave it before deciding I need it (and I know that there can be long waiting lists for counselling etc). Perhaps once the funeral is done I'll see how I'm feeling.

Do you have any advice on this?

lilymay1

Betty, as your second baby was born alive, are you sure you don't qualify for maternity pay rather than having to claim sick pay? I don't know the specifics as it was before 24 weeks. Perhaps you have already been advised on this. I also think you may be able to claim child benefit and tax credits (if applicable) for your second son for a period of 8 weeks or so. I know this used to be the rule, it may have changed or of course you may have aleady been advised of this.

With regards to councelling, I had 1 session about 2 months after she died organised by my GP. It wasn't for me. I was still far too bitter at that point. I needed a punching bag, not a sounding board. I know SANDS have been fantastic for others though.

sweaty_betty

lilymay1 wrote: »

Betty, as your second baby was born alive, are you sure you don't qualify for maternity pay rather than having to claim sick pay? I don't know the specifics as it was before 24 weeks. Perhaps you have already been advised on this. I also think you may be able to claim child benefit and tax credits (if applicable) for your second son for a period of 8 weeks or so. I know this used to be the rule, it may have changed or of course you may have aleady been advised of this.

With regards to councelling, I had 1 session about 2 months after she died organised by my GP. It wasn't for me. I was still far too bitter at that point. I needed a punching bag, not a sounding board. I know SANDS have been fantastic for others though.

Thanks Lilymay
Unfortunately even though baby 2 took a few gasps and had a slow heartbeat the paediatricians (sp?) said that it wasn't enough to realistically be considered to be a live birth. The advantage of this is that we've not had to go through the heartache of registering his birth and death, but this means that it's still considered to be a miscarriage and so I don't qualify for mat leave/pay.
I know that the money side is minor in the grand scheme of everything, it's just that it's another thing to consider in terms of going back.