Miscarriage support

BadlyWrittenPoem

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

I feel like a fraud posting in here being 15 weeks pregnant... But today is my due date for the one we lost last year and the fact that I'm pregnant again doesn't help in the slightest. DH has either forgotten or is ignoring it and the one friend who knew is currently in France. I am going through today in a daze - I had genuinely expected to be fine. How stupid is that???

Hugs to all who are needing this thread at the moment xx

Not stupid at all, I thought similar about having another baby - it doesn't change what happened before or erase the pain.

tea_lover

comp - big hugs. The due date is always going to be hard, no matter what your circumstances are when you get to it. If your DH is anything like mine (and a lot of guys I know) he probably just doesn't realise the date. My OH genuinely forgets his own birthday, so the chances of him remembering any significant dates are pretty slim. Or maybe he's thinking about it but doesn't want to say anything to you as he might be worrying about upsetting you.

Either way, we're all here for you. Sending big hugs xx.

I really don't know what to do about work. Am still here but finishing at 4pm so will grit my teeth for the next half hour. It's been much worse than I thought it would be and would love not to come in tomorrow, but I don't want people asking why I wasn't here. Which is mad because I can just lie! It's like I'm incapable of a half-coherent thought at the moment. Plus I have a really sore throat and generally feel like sh.it.

Part of me thinks what's the point of staying at home and wallowing, it won't change anything. Plus I'm scared that it will be a slippery slope, that I'll get so depressed I won't be able to get up in the mornings if I don't pull myself through this now. But most of me just wants to go to bed and stay there for the rest of the week.

TeamLowe

i totally understand your fear, i used to describe to DH that there was a big black hole just waiting to suck me in and i was so scared of it. but hour by hour, day by day, i got further away from the hole. unfortunately the only thing that makes it better is time.
be kind to yourself and patient with yourself, don't think you have to be good enough to be at work or being upset at home in bed is a bad thing. this is such unknown territory for us all, go with your gut instinct.
everyone on this thread has been where you are now and we all came out the other side, no matter how we dealt with it. changed, certainly, but out the other side where the sun shines and that black cloud is far away on the horizon.

COMP massive love to you, your current pregnancy in no way negates the loss of your angel and i hope DH just needs a gentle reminder. or it to hit over the head with it. men aren't good at subtly
i have a candle i light when i'm thinking of my angel, it helps to have something in the world that acknowledges her presence in my heart. although that probably doesn't make any sense.

tea_lover

TeamLowe wrote: »

i totally understand your fear, i used to describe to DH that there was a big black hole just waiting to suck me in and i was so scared of it.

That's how I feel. Like there's a massive black hole just behind me and if I stop being busy and think about things for just a minute I'll be in it and I won't ever get out. I feel like I'm being chased. I feel scared - but I've no idea what of because the worst has already happened.

All the 'helpful' information I've looked at just focuses on getting pregnant again. Which would be great if it was an option. It took us 4 years and icsi to get to this point, it's not going to happen again. I know they were the only babies we'll ever have.

skintchick

Oh tea and comp huge hugs xxxx

All I can say it gets better with time. It really does.

I have faced most of my due dates pregnant, and then the last one in January not pregnant, and they are all sad. It gets less sad with time, and for me with each miscarriage I have because I don;t have enough room in me to carry all the grief for all five babies, does that make sense? The counselling I had really helped me deal with it.

Just do what you have to to get through and be kind to yourselves.

clearing_out_my_pockets

Tea, if it were me I would take some sick time. I spoke to my boss really early on in this pregnancy saying that I would appreciate his discretion in case I didn't get to twelve weeks. He said he was sure I'd be fine and I came clean about last year. He was horrified that I hadn't even taken a day.

claire16c

I had a week off because I was waiting for the Erpc and then another week as it was Xmas, then I took the next week off because I couldn't stomach the thought of going back in. Then I handed my notice in - but that was because I wasn't planning on going back in after maternity leave. When I did it they tried to persuade me to stay, and offered to let me have another 2-3 weeks off if it would help, which I said thank you but no. They even let me not work my notice period (if they hadn't I would have got a sick note but still). So I actually never went back. But if I had wanted to have gone back they were still ok with me having about 6 weeks of although 1/2 weeks of that was because of Xmas. So don't feel bad about 1 or 2 days!!

faithhope

Tea lover - I had 2 weeks off, partly because I was ill from the loss of blood, stupid hospital decided natural was best. Anyway I spent most of that in bed recovering physically but also mentally. I just had a break from everything. I slept loads and when I went back to work I was able to cope. So don't feel you have to bounce back immediately. You have gone through something major and you need a lot of TLC. Big hugs to you, I really hope there is a chance of more babies for you.

tea_lover

Thanks all. I'm sure I'm not usually this pathetic, I don't seem to be able to string a sentence together at the moment.

Am back at work again, will see how it goes.

I need to let them know what I'm doing about the permanent job offer but I just can't think straight about anything.

claire16c

If all you're doing at work is sitting there thinking about this and not able to do anything then go home. Let yourself grieve and feel like carp.

If you likd being at work because its a distraction and it helps you cope then stay.

But just remember some people have more time off for a cold!

I mean if you think about it, when someone has a baby they get a years maternity leave. Yet if your baby dies before 24 weeks you don't get anything unless you take it yourself. It sucks x