Miscarriage support

mrsj28

Claire - I just wanted to say again how very very sorry I am Have been thinking of you loads and wanted to send big ((hugs)).

There's lots of good advice on here so I won't really add much - just to say that my miscarriage was a natural one and whilst there was a lot of bleeding and quite heavy clots, including some greyish tissue which did upset me, I didn't 'see' anything as such and a lot of it happened while I was actually on the loo (I think gravity helps or something?).

The pain wasn't unbearable for me, just like bad period pain and I don't remember taking any painkillers.

If it helps to talk about it - with your DH, friends, a counsellor, on this forum, etc - please make sure you do. I think there are still things I wish I'd talked about a bit more at the time.

I wish you didn't have to go through this. Please know that you are supported by us all, even if we are just internet strangers

skintchick

claire16c wrote: »

I just can't make up my mind. Now I'm thinking maybe if the blood and pain will be bad I should just get it over with on Friday. Then I think yes but what if something goes wrong and the general fear I have of having it done.

I'm starting to feel quite angry about the whole thing now. DH has gone back to work today so my mum will be coming over to look after me. I'm just so sick of feeling like this already. And it's not even done yet physically.im getting such headaches from crying all day.

I just want this to all go away.

Oh Claire I do feel for you.

I felt the same way with my mc that I had to wait to start. It was the waiting that killed me. I know that it doesn't feel like it right now, but this is the worst part. It's a bit like going on a rollercoaster and waiting for it to get going. You know? you suddenyl decide you don't want to do it any more but you can't get off?

Right now that is where you are, and as the spotting continues it's like being on it going up the first incline really slowly. Now you know it's beginning, but you don;t want to, you want it to stop.

Once it gets going it changes. Suddenly you just deal with it because you have to, because it is happening, there are practical things to deal with.

It will be easier once the mc starts properly.

And then afterwards it is hard again, because you have to being to deal with it emotionally, and grieving takes time, but I'm trying to be encouraging here because right now you are in the worst bit but you are coping, you are doing it, you are strong.

You can do this Claire, I believe in you. You are one strong woman.

And if you can;t bear to wait? Then go to hospital. It's fine to change your mind if that's what you want.

Only you can weigh it all up and decide what is best for you. We all have had different experiences, others would go in, I would stay home, but we are not you and only you can know what you are going to be most happy with as a decision.

Whatever you decide, you are doing the best for you and your baby.

We are all here for you sweetheart, you can vent on here and let it all out because we've all been there xxxx

:A

claire16c

TeamLowe wrote: »

maybe the medical management is a halfway house for you then?
the first pill that you take 48 hours before admission usually starts things off quite well so it may be all that you need. when i was admitted, i had a private room with a tv and a private bathroom, so it wasn't very much different from being at home but there was a nurse to check on me and give me painkillers if needed.

btw, i was told to only take painkillers if i absolutely needed them as they can slow things down. and that walking round a bit would help

plus it helped me mentally to be able to leave the physical side at the hospital and not have to associate any of it with my home but that's just how i chose to cope

oh and i've just remembered, if they had found the baby in what you passed/removed it during an erpc my hospital cremated and then scattered the ashes in a garden of rememberance at the cemetary. maybe yours has the same deal? you could ring and they'd tell you when they was having the scattering ceremony but you wasn't allowed to attend, but obviously could visit afterwards x x

I don't think my hospital offers it because they they haven't mentioned it. I guess I could ask then if on Friday I freak out and can't go through with the Erpc. It days in the Erpc leaflet they cremate the foetus unless you ask otherwise. I don't know what they do with the ashes..

I think one of the reasons I feel so down is that I have irregular cycles so in the 8 cycles I think it was we tried, only on about 3-4 dud I ovulate at a 'normal' time so I'm convinced I can't get pg when I'm not ovulating quick enough which can wipe out months at a time. I'm worried it could take ages to get my cycle back therefore as well. DH says I shouldn't worry and that as soon as we bd a lot more I got pg, which is true but I'm sure I must have something wrong like pcos. I just never went to the dr because I couldn't really see what they could do to help and then eventually I got pg. plus I thought finding out I had something wrong with me would only make me feel worse throughout the whole ttc process.

And now this has happened. I honestly don't know how you ladies have got through this more than once.

claire16c

you are all so supportive it makes me cry in a good way. I don't know what I'd do without everyone's advice.

I think you are right skint chick. It's this not knowing/waiting that is awful. I can't even begin to move on.

mrsj28

claire16c wrote: »

I think one of the reasons I feel so down is that I have irregular cycles so in the 8 cycles I think it was we tried, only on about 3-4 dud I ovulate at a 'normal' time so I'm convinced I can't get pg when I'm not ovulating quick enough which can wipe out months at a time. I'm worried it could take ages to get my cycle back therefore as well. DH says I shouldn't worry and that as soon as we bd a lot more I got pg, which is true but I'm sure I must have something wrong like pcos. I just never went to the dr because I couldn't really see what they could do to help and then eventually I got pg. plus I thought finding out I had something wrong with me would only make me feel worse throughout the whole ttc process.
.

I know it's different for everybody, but I had irregular long cycles, and had the same worries as you have now in terms of getting your cycle back. I also convinced myself that I'd miscarried because of PCOS. Both those worries were unnecessary (but incredibly real at the time) as I ovulated three weeks after my miscarriage had started, and fell pregnant on that cycle, and so far so good. As I said, I know it's different for everybody, but it is not a given that you won't get your cycle back quickly. Sending more big hugs xx

skintchick

Claire, I hope it gets going for you soon. Has the bleeding increased at all? I found with mine that once I started spotting them within a couple of days I was passing clots and tissue, but I don't imagine that is always the case for everyone.

claire16c wrote: »

I don't think my hospital offers it because they they haven't mentioned it. I guess I could ask then if on Friday I freak out and can't go through with the Erpc. It days in the Erpc leaflet they cremate the foetus unless you ask otherwise. I don't know what they do with the ashes..

Claire, you are at the RBH yes? They do cremations there but only en masse, and all the ashes are scattered together at a garden of remembrance, if I recall what I was told correctly.

In theory, the baby is yours and you could ask to take it away from hospital, if you go in, and you could then pay to have it cremated via a funeral director. They are able to do that for you, I know because I asked as that was my plan with my third miscarriage, but in the end I couldn't bring myself to open the sac and it never occurred to me to just take the whole sac to the funeral home.

Certainly, while it was very important to me at the time of waiting for the mc to start that I see the baby and bury the baby, once I had birthed it and seen the sac I felt less driven about that, and I think seeing it was enough. So your feelings on that may change, but it's good to know your options.

However, the RBH are total b*st*ards IMO so I think you'd have to fight to get your baby to take home, and you'd need to research some law on it beforehand. Only you can know if you feel up to that.

claire16c wrote: »

I think one of the reasons I feel so down is that I have irregular cycles so in the 8 cycles I think it was we tried, only on about 3-4 dud I ovulate at a 'normal' time so I'm convinced I can't get pg when I'm not ovulating quick enough which can wipe out months at a time. I'm worried it could take ages to get my cycle back therefore as well. DH says I shouldn't worry and that as soon as we bd a lot more I got pg, which is true but I'm sure I must have something wrong like pcos. I just never went to the dr because I couldn't really see what they could do to help and then eventually I got pg. plus I thought finding out I had something wrong with me would only make me feel worse throughout the whole ttc process.

If you're worried about this side of things, ask on the TTC thread on here. The ladies on there have lots of knowledge.

I only know a bit, but I would say it is best to look at your own cycle rather than compare it to someone else's. WHat do you mean, 'not ovulating quick enough'? Usually people ovulate around day 14, with your period coming around day 28 of your cycle.

But that's an average. I ovulate bewteen days 12 and 16, with a 32-day average cycle.

The important part is the bit bwteen ovulation and your period coming. As I understand it, if that is shorter than 10 days then you have a short luteal phase and, yes, that can cause fertility problems as the womb lining sheds almost before the fetilised egg can implant (which takes 7-10 days) so basically your period starts before the fetilised egg is in place so it gets lost along with the period.

I believe there are things you can do to lengthen luteal phase, if that is your issue, so you could look into that.

Otherwise, you probably don;t have a problem.

Enough sex is key! Have you heard of SMEP - the Sperm Meets Egg Plan? Have a look here to learn about it. It's about making sure you have fresh sperm and enough sex at the right time, and I personally attest that it works.

It's not rocket science, and it can feel like hard work (!) but it is a good plan for getting sperm in there at the right time.

claire16c wrote: »

And now this has happened. I honestly don't know how you ladies have got through this more than once.

Because we didn't have any choice, sweetie. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and all that.

:A

skintchick

mrsj28 wrote: »

I know it's different for everybody, but I had irregular long cycles, and had the same worries as you have now in terms of getting your cycle back. I also convinced myself that I'd miscarried because of PCOS. Both those worries were unnecessary (but incredibly real at the time) as I ovulated three weeks after my miscarriage had started, and fell pregnant on that cycle, and so far so good. As I said, I know it's different for everybody, but it is not a given that you won't get your cycle back quickly. Sending more big hugs xx

I forgot to say. I ovulated 3 weeks after my first mc started, and I got pregnant then, and found out two weeks later, and that was my only live birth, my DD was born from that.

So you are more fertile after mc, and it may be just luck or coincidence but they seem to be more sticky, too.

You certainly need not wait a cycle or two, despite what the doctors will no doubt tell you, there is no need except dating and they scan you for dating at 12 weeks anyway.

claire16c

skintchick wrote: »

Claire, I hope it gets going for you soon. Has the bleeding increased at all? I found with mine that once I started spotting them within a couple of days I was passing clots and tissue, but I don't imagine that is always the case for everyone.

It seemed to have completely disappeared since this morning- and it was only an incredibly small amount in the first place barely noticeable, but then I just went to the loo and a long thing that kinda looked like EWCM but much longer and tinged with blood came out? I have to say all I felt was a massive sense of relief. I think im just hoping it continues in a very weird way.


Claire, you are at the RBH yes? They do cremations there but only en masse, and all the ashes are scattered together at a garden of remembrance, if I recall what I was told correctly.

In theory, the baby is yours and you could ask to take it away from hospital, if you go in, and you could then pay to have it cremated via a funeral director. They are able to do that for you, I know because I asked as that was my plan with my third miscarriage, but in the end I couldn't bring myself to open the sac and it never occurred to me to just take the whole sac to the funeral home.

Certainly, while it was very important to me at the time of waiting for the mc to start that I see the baby and bury the baby, once I had birthed it and seen the sac I felt less driven about that, and I think seeing it was enough. So your feelings on that may change, but it's good to know your options.

Yes Im at RBH. It just says on the leaflet they cremate them unless you want to make alternative arrangements but I guess until you asked them you wouldnt know what their 'reaction' so to speak would be. I think if it happened at the hospital Im ok with that, just knowing it wasnt just being binned somewhere. If it happens at home then yes it will sadly end up in the toilet most likely but in a weird way I can deal with that because I know I wouldnt have much else of a choice as I dont think I could deal with touching it myself, or making DH do it - although I know he would if I asked him.

However, the RBH are total b*st*ards IMO so I think you'd have to fight to get your baby to take home, and you'd need to research some law on it beforehand. Only you can know if you feel up to that.



If you're worried about this side of things, ask on the TTC thread on here. The ladies on there have lots of knowledge.

I only know a bit, but I would say it is best to look at your own cycle rather than compare it to someone else's. WHat do you mean, 'not ovulating quick enough'? Usually people ovulate around day 14, with your period coming around day 28 of your cycle.

But that's an average. I ovulate bewteen days 12 and 16, with a 32-day average cycle.

I think my longest wait for ovulation was day 42 :mad: The shortest was 19 although we werent trying on that cycle. When I got pregnant it was on day 20. I think if I had a regular cycle - and I mean coming within a few days each time, rather than coming anywhere between 5-8 weeks Id feel a lot better.

Ive read conflicting things about whether ovulating past about day 23/24 is a bad thing - bad/old egg etc Some people seem to think it is, others seem to say it doesnt matter as long as you are ovulating. I dont know. It also means I have to sometimes wait a really long time after AF before trying again. My luteal phase is ok though, always a constant 12-13 days.

The important part is the bit bwteen ovulation and your period coming. As I understand it, if that is shorter than 10 days then you have a short luteal phase and, yes, that can cause fertility problems as the womb lining sheds almost before the fetilised egg can implant (which takes 7-10 days) so basically your period starts before the fetilised egg is in place so it gets lost along with the period.

I believe there are things you can do to lengthen luteal phase, if that is your issue, so you could look into that.

Otherwise, you probably don;t have a problem.

Enough sex is key! Have you heard of SMEP - the Sperm Meets Egg Plan? Have a look here to learn about it. It's about making sure you have fresh sperm and enough sex at the right time, and I personally attest that it works.

It's not rocket science, and it can feel like hard work (!) but it is a good plan for getting sperm in there at the right time.

Yeah I remember Nicki posting about that on the ttc thread before. I will be trying anything trust me


Because we didn't have any choice, sweetie. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and all that.

:A

Thats what my SIL says. She managed to get pregnant by accident having only done it once. But weirdly shes been a really supportive person to talk to.

claire16c

skintchick wrote: »

I forgot to say. I ovulated 3 weeks after my first mc started, and I got pregnant then, and found out two weeks later, and that was my only live birth, my DD was born from that.

So you are more fertile after mc, and it may be just luck or coincidence but they seem to be more sticky, too.

You certainly need not wait a cycle or two, despite what the doctors will no doubt tell you, there is no need except dating and they scan you for dating at 12 weeks anyway.

Yeah the Dr said ' We recommend you wait for 2-3 months to give your body a rest.' I just smiled and nodded and thought yeah right as if I could do that, just couldnt be bothered to say anything as what was the point.

Everything Ive read says to just wait til youve stopped bleeding - which I would anyway, and then IF you want to wait for one cycle you can.

and yes for dating purposes - like you say they use the scan anyway, plus will start taking my temperature every day and doing opks so I will be in no doubt of any dates.

mrsj28

Hi again Claire - just wanted to let you know that I ovulated on cd23 the cycle I got pregnant and so far all is looking good, so please try not to worry too much about late ovulation. Also, if I remember rightly, 2ba3c from the ttc thread got pregnant very late in her cycle.

Aargh I just wish I could take all of this away from you, and from all the other ladies who are going through/have gone through it

HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS to everybody.