Miscarriage support

msb5262

claire16c wrote: »

Me and DH talked about that actually but then he said what about when we move house? It's like every thing associated with this entire process is just awful. But that's good to know it helped you I think I'd still consider it.

I thought just the same as your DK about moving house when I read that post...but then I remembered - when my friend's dad died, she wanted to do something special with his ashes. She bought a beautiful little shrub and planted it in a large pot with her dad's ashes in the soil. You could think about doing something like that perhaps?
HTH
MsB

skintchick

A friend of mine had a tattoo to commemmorate her lost babies.

SusanC_2

I find writing poems helps me with difficult things so I wrote this just after the first two miscarriages: http://sinnersavedbygod.blogspot.co.uk/2010/11/until-we-meet_09.html

claire16c

I just can't make up my mind. Now I'm thinking maybe if the blood and pain will be bad I should just get it over with on Friday. Then I think yes but what if something goes wrong and the general fear I have of having it done.

I'm starting to feel quite angry about the whole thing now. DH has gone back to work today so my mum will be coming over to look after me. I'm just so sick of feeling like this already. And it's not even done yet physically.im getting such headaches from crying all day.

I just want this to all go away.

Metranil_Vavin

Claire, I have real fears of anesthetic/being put under/operations etc, and always thought that I would never opt for the ERPC.

Luckily (if I can use that word) my mc started on it's own and completed itself in 2 weeks, and apart from the couple of days where I was passing quite large bits of tissue, it was managable with nighttime sanitary towels, pain killers and lots of rest.

However, if I have a mmc, and I didn't know if/when things were going to start happening, I think I would seriously reconsider the ERPC option. I think in my mind it would be over very quickly, and the recovery time, both mental and physical can start sooner.

It is a horrible place to be, but all I can say is it does get better with time (cliche I know), but if you read back through the beginning of this thread, I thought I was never going to come through the other end.

You do.

claire16c

I just feel like I won't be happy again until I'm pregnant again. And I don't know if/when that will be. Which is making me feel so depressed. I just don't know how to cope with this. I have been reading back through the thread although as its pretty long ( unfortunately) I haven't got very far.

TeamLowe

maybe the medical management is a halfway house for you then?
the first pill that you take 48 hours before admission usually starts things off quite well so it may be all that you need. when i was admitted, i had a private room with a tv and a private bathroom, so it wasn't very much different from being at home but there was a nurse to check on me and give me painkillers if needed.

btw, i was told to only take painkillers if i absolutely needed them as they can slow things down. and that walking round a bit would help

plus it helped me mentally to be able to leave the physical side at the hospital and not have to associate any of it with my home but that's just how i chose to cope

oh and i've just remembered, if they had found the baby in what you passed/removed it during an erpc my hospital cremated and then scattered the ashes in a garden of rememberance at the cemetary. maybe yours has the same deal? you could ring and they'd tell you when they was having the scattering ceremony but you wasn't allowed to attend, but obviously could visit afterwards x x

TeamLowe

claire16c wrote: »

I just feel like I won't be happy again until I'm pregnant again. And I don't know if/when that will be. Which is making me feel so depressed. I just don't know how to cope with this. I have been reading back through the thread although as its pretty long ( unfortunately) I haven't got very far.

lots of internet hugs for this, it's a feeling we can all relate to
lots of people do get pregnant straight away after a miscarriage, mrsj28 did and i think a few others from the ttc thread so the odds are on your side x x

Metranil_Vavin

claire16c wrote: »

I just feel like I won't be happy again until I'm pregnant again. And I don't know if/when that will be. Which is making me feel so depressed. I just don't know how to cope with this. I have been reading back through the thread although as its pretty long ( unfortunately) I haven't got very far.

Honestly..I felt EXACTLY the same. I know reading back is a bit of a chore, but even if you look at the first 5 or so pages of this thread, you will see that I was going through exactly the same feelings.

It's like the only thing that will help is to be pregnant again, and that does at times feel like an impossible feat.

It DOES happen though. Although I have had a crappy time this year with 2 early mc's in a row, after my further along mc in Jan 2010, I thought it was NEVER going to happen, and granted I did have to be a little patient, but I was pregnant again by the April and that time it went full term and I had my son in Jan 2011.

I worried all the way through, lack of symptoms/lack of fetal movement etc, but he was perfect when he arrived, and worth the wait.

So please realise that although all you want at the moment is a baby, and it feels as if nothing else will make any difference, you will get through it and you will have a baby. It just will take a little longer than you hoped. x

abis21

Awww, Claire - I think all of us feel like that to be honest. Especially at the start. You feel like altho it would still be upsetting and devestating that your baby died, a new baby in your tummy again would fix you and take away some of the pain.

I've been 7 months since my mmc now. 2 months we weren't allowed to try due to a partial molar pregnancy.

I have passed the due date now for when I should have had my baby.

But this isn't a negative story on the whole - altho at times it has been very hard.

I feel calm and peaceful within myself on the whole these days. I do still have the odd day where I am sad - but it does decrease over time.

At the beginning it is so overwhelmingly sad, and it feels as though you will never be truly happy or peaceful again. But over time - it comes.

My molar nurse once said to me 'its normal to never feel normal again' and that really helped me. I thought i should go back to feeling the way i had prior to the miscarriage and thought I wasn't heeling properly because of this. But the thing is - its does slightly change you I now understand what it feels like to go through grief - I had never had to prior to this.

I feel now, like a more caring and understanding person because of what has happened. A couple of my friends have lost children through stillbirth and in early life and I never spoke to them about it as I didn't know what to say. I know now that even saying something is just a help.

Obviously, if I could turn back time I would not have miscarried and gone through heartbreak. But it was part of my journey, and I loved my baby and still do love my baby, and feel grateful for being able to carry them even if it was only for a brief time.