Miscarriage support

skintchick

SusanC wrote: »

I'm sorry they were so pushy with you. I was lucky that they didn't push induction with Isabella although they did assume I would go to hospital whenever it started naturally - they said that after a certain amount of time they would advise induction because of possible blood clotting problems or something but that it was very rare for it to get to that point so they advised whichever I preferred and said that there wasn't a "better" choice out of the two. I suspect it is very rare not to choose induction though as when I went back to discuss my plans they assumed I had come in for induction and they were very nonplussed by the fact that we hadn't had time to come to hospital when we brought her in after she was born.

They have been absolutely bloody awful every time. Sounds like they might have improved a bit since I was last there in July. They certainly couldn't have got any worse!

claire16c

skintchick wrote: »

Anaesthetics are very safe and the risks of adhesions and rupture pretty small. If those are your only reservations about the ERPC it might be worth you having it. I can tell you are in quite an emotional state and having the op might help because then you can begin to grieve.

It can take weeks for a missed mc to get going, it could happen over Christmas. How do you feel about that possibility?

I am all for the natural route in all things pregnancy and birth related but as it hasn't got going for you I don't know if its going to make things worse for you having to wait?

It really is a rock and a hard place x x x

Yes those are my concerns. Can I ask why you didn't go for the Erpc? Was it because you'd had it happen naturally before and knew you could cope with it? Because I think if I knew I could I'd opt for it too, but I'm not great with pain.

It's definitely not going anywhere at the moment, just more twinges, I'm not so bothered about it being over Christmas I know I'm going to feel totally depressed what ever happens.

However, knowing the physical part could be mainly dealt with tomorrow could be a good thing so I'm not in this limbo anymore.

claire16c

Susan, I think the date might have to be tomorrow. I think my body has only started to react because I now know, but the baby died almost 4 weeks ago now so when I look at it that way it makes me feel like its had long enough already?

msb5262

claire16c wrote: »

...knowing the physical part could be mainly dealt with tomorrow could be a good thing so I'm not in this limbo anymore.

I think you've put your finger on it, Claire - you're in limbo. As skintchick said, when the physical part is dealt with, you can begin to grieve.

Hope you are ok, honey. Remember you're not alone - there are so many people here willing to listen to you and to anyone else who is suffering.

MsB x

SusanC_2

claire16c wrote: »

Susan, I think the date might have to be tomorrow. I think my body has only started to react because I now know, but the baby died almost 4 weeks ago now so when I look at it that way it makes me feel like its had long enough already?

That totally makes sense and it sounds like you are more clear on a decision?

please-let-me-be-lucky

Claire I totally understand your fears re the ERPC. I put mine off for 8 long weeks as I was terrified of the aneasthetic. I even asked the surgeon if I was more likely to die under the aneasthetic because I'm a bit overweight and if they have many people die on them through complications. It seems silly to me now but at the time it was terrifying that it would all go wrong. The hospital staff were all perfectly understanding and lovely though. No question is a daft question if it's important to you.

Everyone's experience of miscarriage is different when it comes to the physical part. I bled pain free for 2 days then had to stay curled up in bed because of the pain on day 3. I then bled pain free for a further 2 weeks or so and then it stopped. Throughout the next 5 weeks I had 3 massive gushes of blood loss where I couldn't get off the loo for 45 mins at a time as it was streaming. This was the worst part as it was always unexpected and I was just lucky that I was in the house each time. Unfortunately though, this still didn't clear everything and neither did the medication so in the end I resigned myself to the ERPC but I still cried and panicked about it. In the end the aneasthetic was the easiest part of the whole thing.

The only thing that is the same with every miscarriage is the emotional part. We all know exactly how you feel and are here for you Xx

skintchick

claire16c wrote: »

Yes those are my concerns. Can I ask why you didn't go for the Erpc? Was it because you'd had it happen naturally before and knew you could cope with it? Because I think if I knew I could I'd opt for it too, but I'm not great with pain.

It's definitely not going anywhere at the moment, just more twinges, I'm not so bothered about it being over Christmas I know I'm going to feel totally depressed what ever happens.

However, knowing the physical part could be mainly dealt with tomorrow could be a good thing so I'm not in this limbo anymore.

Why didn't I go for the ERPC?

Because, to me, pregnancy and birth are not medical issues.

I'm not against surgery or anaesthetics - I've had three major elective surgeries in my life, I'm recovering from one now, and I've had anaesthetics for other more minor things too.

But I just don;t see the need to have medical intervention for something that my body can do, and do well.

Perhaps the fact that my first miscarriage happened at home naturally while I was waiting for an appointment at the EPU has helped with that, I don't know, but I had always wanted a home birth even before I lost the baby, so I think it didn't have a lot of bearing.

Of course, once I'd done it once, and then had a natural live birth at home too, I was very confident in my body and in my ability to birth - because a miscarriage is a birth too.

THe pain with most of my miscarriages has been horrific - with the first I was doubled up on the sofa crying, and we never thought to ask the GP for codeine so I struggled through on paracetamol and ibuprofen which did almost nothing.

But I don;t really like being in hospital if I am not ill, If I'm ill then fine, I am happy to be in hospital, but if I'm not ill then I'd rather be home.

So I guess it's because I don;t see pregnancy, birth or miscarriage as illness, just as natural and normal and, crucially, something our bodies are designed to do.

Miscarriage is birth of a dead baby, we know that, but when I say that I mean it is not an illness, it is not a disease, there isn;t a lot doctors can do.

Also, despite the minimal risks of ERPC, the safest option is natural miscarriage at home. If we let nature be then usually she will honour us and it will all be OK. Obviously sometimes people do get an infection, but you can get infection after ERPC too, the risks for that are the same whichever method you choose.

So, first time I didn;t know whether I could cope but I had no choice so I just got on with it. Subsequently I have not only know I could cope, but I also got stronger drugs from the GP to help me!

With my 'proper' missed mc (I had another but I didn;t even know the baby had died till I started bleeding, so I never had the wait) my baby was found dead at the 13 weeks scan, but they thought it had died at 11 weeks, and my miscarriage consultant looked at the scan pic and said it was more like 12 weeks, and then I think it all started about a week after the scan.

I do think that once you know, your mind releases your body to let it happen, but maybe because you are so worried about what to choose, your body is holding on?

Our minds are very powerful things. I wonder if maybe your fear of doing it at home is actually greater than of the ERPC and as a result you are holding it back from happening?

If you do want to do it at home, get some drugs off your GP and maybe try some relaxation and picture yourself being able to let this baby go. You can perhaps say a prayer, light a candle, whatever works for you, and then release your mind and body to accept that your baby;s soul, the real essence of your child, is already gone. And then maybe you will be able to release your body to miscarry.

But if you read all that thinking !!!!!!? then please just ignore it! It's just some thoughts of mine. :A

claire16c

skintchick wrote: »

They have been absolutely bloody awful every time. Sounds like they might have improved a bit since I was last there in July. They certainly couldn't have got any worse!

Did you go to sonning ward? That's where I went on tues and have to go back to tomorrow. Although I went in this small bit off the side of the corridor not the actual ward.

The only person who annoyed me was the receptionist who was way too happy for my liking. DH had to speak for me because I was upset, but she seemed to want me to confirm it and then asked why was I there- saying it out loud was awful- I was thinking surely you know why it's on your system???

The nurse was wonderful though.

skintchick

claire16c wrote: »

Did you go to sonning ward? That's where I went on tues and have to go back to tomorrow. Although I went in this small bit off the side of the corridor not the actual ward.

YEs, that's the [STRIKE]hellhole [/STRIKE]place.

Out the lifts, turn left, through the double doors then sit on the left.

The only time I've spent less than two hours sitting there is the time I walked out because I was sick to death of them faffing about making me wait to give blood to ensure it wasn't ectopic when I'd already passed the baby but of course, what would i know?

Bitter, much? Hell yeah.

I hate that place. It's dirty and badly run by insincere, uncaring incompetent staff.

Sorry, but I've had many hideous experiences there. And so has my friend. We neither of us have much time for Sonning.

claire16c

please-let-me-be-lucky wrote: »

Claire I totally understand your fears re the ERPC. I put mine off for 8 long weeks as I was terrified of the aneasthetic. I even asked the surgeon if I was more likely to die under the aneasthetic because I'm a bit overweight and if they have many people die on them through complications. It seems silly to me now but at the time it was terrifying that it would all go wrong. The hospital staff were all perfectly understanding and lovely though. No question is a daft question if it's important to you.

Everyone's experience of miscarriage is different when it comes to the physical part. I bled pain free for 2 days then had to stay curled up in bed because of the pain on day 3. I then bled pain free for a further 2 weeks or so and then it stopped. Throughout the next 5 weeks I had 3 massive gushes of blood loss where I couldn't get off the loo for 45 mins at a time as it was streaming. This was the worst part as it was always unexpected and I was just lucky that I was in the house each time. Unfortunately though, this still didn't clear everything and neither did the medication so in the end I resigned myself to the ERPC but I still cried and panicked about it. In the end the aneasthetic was the easiest part of the whole thing.

The only thing that is the same with every miscarriage is the emotional part. We all know exactly how you feel and are here for you Xx

I'm scared for the opposite reason- I'm underweight compared to most people so I'm scared they'll give me too much because I weigh less than I look!

Plus general fears of having the needle thing in my arm, people touching my body when I'm asleep etc