Miscarriage support

skintchick

Oh Ali I'm so sorry You must be feeling so wretched right now. Huge hugs from me, I hope you can find some kind of peace in the midst of your heartache.

And Nicki, I'm glad you feel at peace with your decision. It has been a hard year for you, I know, and perhaps the break from TTC will help you focus on the positives in life and to move on. xxx

AFM, I'm still coming to terms with my diagnosis. I know it seems like I should be OK now I have an answer and a treatment plan for next time, but all I can think right now is how my babies were fine, there was nothing wrong with them, and my body killed them. It's really hard. I'm glad we have some hope for the future but what about the past? I feel more tearful now then I have done before. So glad I'm having counselling.

lemonmelon_2

Oh Skintchick - This is not your fault. Its good to have an answer and a plan and some way of moving forward but of course that doesn't mean you should magically be okay with everything that has happened to get you to this point. There wasn't anything you could have done or any way you could have known there was a reason for your miscarriages, you didn't do anything wrong. You loved and cared for your angels as best as you possibly could and there can be absolutely no blame here. Its so so sad that they didn't survive but its no more your fault than babies miscarried because they get the wrong number of chromosomes from their parents.
I do wish it was possible to have investigations sooner because it might save some of these tiny lives that are already so precious to us and I think it is underestimated the emotional impact that any miscarriage has but I understand that these things are not always possible.

I got my letter through for the RMC clinic but its not until the 18th Jan which feels like a long time away - especially considering how long we would have to wait for results after this date. I'm not sure I want to wait that long, especially if everything came back saying no problems I would feel cheated out of months and months where we could have been making a healthy baby. Every time I see my gynae/oncology consultant she mentions having a hysterectomy and it really scares me we might not have time to have a child. whoosh - too many conflicting emotions here today.

I hope everyone else is okay, or at least getting through it. Thank you so much Ali for setting up this thread. I don't know what I'd have done this time without the support of you wonderful ladies x

portsmouthali

Thanks for all your kind words, they really do mean so much xx

ERPC yesterday went as well as it could, I can't say enough good things about the staff, every single one was kind and supportive. I was in a fair bit of pain when I came round (that didn't happen either time previously) and I was immediately given morphine and tramadol and that helped immensely (though left me rather spaced out!) While I was waiting to go down to theatre I had a lovely chat with a lady who was on her 2nd miscarriage (her 1st was in July) and we had a good old cry together about the unfairness of it all. Our OH's looked a bit scared

My wonderful parents came down to look after our son, and did all my ironing, hoovering, and housework - my dad even cleaned my oven & hob!

OH brought me a bacon sandwich and a cup of tea in bed this morning, and I'm now sitting under a blanket on the sofa in my pyjamas, where I intend to stay all weekend

Fran-O, I've not got much to add to what the other ladies have said - I always take a stack of magazine but generally only end up playing with my phone or chatting while I wait. Yesterday wasn't too bad, I arrived at midday and went down to theatre at 3pm. Spent about an hour in recovery and then back up to the gynae ward. I had to have something to eat & drink (I had tea & toast) and a wee before they'd let me home, and I left about 7. I have waited longer previously if there have been emergencies but that is completely understandable although slightly frustrating at the time, when you're hungry/thirsty and want to get it all over with. Any more questions, feel free to ask xxx

Lemonmelon: I agree with what you say about the wait for recurrent miscarriage testing - it is very frustrating. I think I waited something like 16 weeks for all the results to come back, and then there were still no answers as they all came back clear. I can't believe that there is no reason that I have lost 5 babies after having 1 successful pregnancy - it can't just be bad luck. I just don't think medical science has caught up yet. I'm sure one day they will be able to do something about this.

I'm not sure what's next for me. I didn't see my specialist this time, he was going to see me once I got to 10 weeks (didn't make it that far) The lady that scanned me, who works very closely with him, suggested if I get pregnant again, I go on prednisolone which I believe is a steroid. I think I will wait a few weeks to see if I hear from him, if not I will try & phone him. Not even sure if I want to try again at the moment, but I've said that before

Metranil_Vavin

I'm glad it's all over Ali, and your family sound amazing. Bless your dad for cleaning the oven and hob..what a star!

Staying under a blanket all weekend sounds like a very good plan too. Make sure you rest up as much as you can and make the most of all the people around you who want to help. x

fran-o

Thanks again for all the useful advice and kind words. Good news to report I managed a whole day yesterday without tears, first time since mc confirmed 7 days before. Normal day at work followed by meal and comedy with hubby, which we both felt odd about doing, but had booked the tickets months ago. Was refreshing to have a change of scenery and did us both good.
Thinking of you all x

cleofish

hi just popping in to give hugs and thoughts for everyone on this thread, its horrible to see names i recognise come on this board because no matter what has happened to me i do still wish the best for everyone, i wouldnt want anyone to go through miscarriages and the aftermath they bring.

nicki- just wanted to send you my thoughts it must have been a harde decision to make but it sounds like it has brought you some peace.

fran-o- i hope everything goes ok for you after the erpc, make sure you rest up and look afterself though.

ali- just as everyone else has said really, i send my thoughts to you and i thank you for the thread and the support it has brought to me and lots on here.

tinkwings

Finally got a - pg test yesterday - something to finally be happy about.

Hugs to all you amazing ladies .

Your love & support is amazing xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

skintchick

Glad to hear that Tink. Hope it helps you start to move on.

How is everyone doing?

portsmouthali

Hi Skintchick, I am OK thanks. Spoke to my boss this morning to tell him that I've been signed off until next Monday. He was lovely, and said that if I needed anything to give him a shout (he only lives 5 minutes away) I know work should be the least of our worries at a time like this but it helps when they're understanding.

I'm very much a keep calm and carry on kind of person, but sometimes I find the sadness overwhelming. I know it's still early days and it's normal to feel like this, and I keep telling myself that time will heal as it always does. Hope everyone else is OK xxxx

fran-o

well done ali for getting through that conversation with work and glad you found your boss helpful. I told another colleague today - someone I'm working closely with on a big project, I thought it would be better to let him know why I'm a bit unreliable at work at the moment. He was kind and it was the first time I'd told someone face to face without tears (its about 10 days since my mc diagnosed).
I've had a little spotting today and crampy tummy so wondering if things might just start happening naturally before I get to erpc on wednesday. Or maybe thats wishful thinking as I am getting nervous again about the procedure. A close friend who has been through it is popping over tomorrow night.
Her hubby texted my hubby with a lovely message which made me glad - I worry that he's not really talking to anyone at the moment, his only real support is me. His parents are trying to be kind, but he has a sister with learning difficulties and they are so focussed on her needs, that hubby gets quite neglected by comparison.
tinks - totally agree that support on here is golden. Thanks all xxx