Miscarriage support

lemonmelon_2

I'm so sorry Fran, its such a sad time :-( I'm glad you have some people around to look after you though, you deserve some looking after.
With regards to the erpc I had one on Thursday and was told to take it easy for 24hours, today I'm still a bit achey but if you didn't want to take alot of time off work a day or two after would be fine I think. The general anesthetic can make you a bit woozy but I found it was peaceful to be asleep and unaware for the whole thing so much better than in some countries when its just a local. All the hospital staff were really kind which helped.
Thinking of you x

fran-o

Thanks lemon melon and all best wishes for your recovery. Glad you found hospital staff kind, that has been true all through our investigations too (a relief as local hospital has a bad reputation) which gives me confidence going into the next steps...
Going for a short walk in the chilly sunshine with hubby soon and might do some sewing later - good chill out activities.

any_name_will_suffice

Sorry to see you over here fran-o.

I am waiting for an erpc, but I had one in July and found it relatively straight forward. I have booked this one for a Friday and am planning to return to work on the Monday, but it's individual and about being emotionally ok as well as physically.

It does involve a GA, but I have never had any problems with these. I found the staff on the day surgery ward really supportive at my local hospital as they realised I was there after a mc and I was quite emotional, they arranged a private room for me and allowed my OH to wait with me (I actually asked him to leave last time but that was more about us failing to communicate very well). I didn't really have much pain afterwards after the first evening, and that was minimal.
This time, I am planning to wait an hour once I'm up and dressed before leaving, as I experienced a lot of bleeding in the first couple of hours, but I think it was due to blood pooling where I'd been lying down (sorry if too much info!).

I hope work are supportive, I had to tell my manager yesterday, she kept saying "what, again, you mean another one?" as I had time off in July following mc, but once she got her head around it she told me to take as much time as I need and not to worry about work.

Hugs xx

abis21

Hi Fran-O - Sorry for your loss

I had an ERPC back in May. The procedure itself is quite straightforward. I think it takes about 10 minutes, but you are under for about an hour with the anasthetic etc. After the operation you will have bleeding (altho this will be much less than you would have in a natural miscarriage) and you will have cramping. I had mine late on on a thursday and I went for a small walk on the saturday and did a weekly shop - which was too much. I had thought as it was a minor op that I would be ok to do that. I felt v sore afterwards and should have taken it easier than that really. I did manage to go back to work on the monday tho, but I work part time, got a lift to and from work, and sit down most of the day so that all helped with my decision. You will easily be signed off for 2 weeks with a doctor if you don't feel ready to return to work tho.

Glad you have some good support around you and that the hospital were/are treating you well. It helps imensely with the recovery process if you have both of those things.

Hugs for telling your manager Anyname

SusanC_2

newcook wrote: »

Morning ladies, Im sorry if Im asking this in the wrong area but does anyone know if the time I had to take off work for my miscarriage is classed as compassionate leave? I’ve just received my payslip and have had the 2 days I was off for deducted as its been marked as being off sick (bosses knew about why I was off)
I don’t really want to go and ask my boss about it as Im not a very confrontational person at the best of times, let alone 2 weeks after I lost my baby

As far as I am aware any pregnancy related sick leave you would get sick pay but it wouldn't count against you for things like disciplinary measures, attnedance related bonuses etc.

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

abis - I know that people mean well. I think it's the (possibly imagined) underlying smugness I can detect in certain people who are having a nice easy pregnancy that gets me. It is quite possibly my negative frame of mind at the moment. I'm not feeling particularly rational or charitable.

I don't think I was able to be sympathetic in the same way before I experienced it myself so I may have sounded like the people you describe (and I can't speak for anyone else) but when I got pregnant first month of TTC#2 having got pregnant first month the first time and everything gone well (aside from the hyperemesis gravidarum) I felt very guilty that I had had it so easily and I felt that it was very unfair that some people take ages or never get pregnant or the pregnancies don't work out and there I was pregnant straight away for the second time. Of course it then all went spectacularly wrong but at that point where it all seemed to be perfect I felt that it was too good to be true and very unfair that I seemed to have been given such a good deal in comparison to others. I hope that any smugness people are conveying to you is as unwitting as any that I may have conveyed to people before I experienced it.

abis21 wrote: »

I'm still cross at my friend for moaning on about her pregnancy on FB as she is due on the same date as me. I want to say on her status about being tired all the time etc YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE!! But then I remember she doesn't know I had a loss, and to be fair, pregnancy is tiring. Shes 8 months gone and still working full time - of course she is tired A little red rag still comes up tho every time she moans about it I'm very close to hiding her statuses from my news feed

It's totally okay to hide someones updates if you find them hard. I used to hide some people's updates and/or photos and it wasn't necessarily that they were complaining - it could just be that they had a due date close to when mine was or a baby similar age to what one of mine would have been and the reminders were too upsetting for me. Just because her complaints might be fair doesn't mean you have to keep reading them and not minding.

tinkwings

Fran - I too had an ERPC on Thursday & one back in Jan 2010. The were all amazing. You just have to be kind to yourself & take the time you need to recover xxxxxx

Sorry for your loss xxxxxxxxxxxx

abis21

Am really really cross and I just need somewhere to vent :mad::mad:

I'm having a bad day anyway, BFN on 12DPO so likely we're out this month again anyways, plus it was pee testing day for the molar pregnancy which is always a kick in the teeth reminder, and then I saw my mother :mad: (who is normally nice mainly btw)

And she first of all said 'it wasn't so bad' that I was being tested still - gee mom, thats good of you to say so cos for me its upsetting every 2 weeks to have to pee in a jug and send it off to see if I have any cancerous cells re-growing in place of what should have been my baby :mad:

And then she said that my great auntie sent a hug. So I was like, erm for what?? And she said oh, I told her the news!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! :mad::mad::mad::mad: She lives 300 miles from me, I see her once a year if that, and neither my mum nor me are particularly close or anything! I had my miscarriage in May. It has got absolutely fook all to do with anyone else. I feel like its being banded round like gossip!!! Like my mum is getting attention from my bad news!! :mad::mad::mad:

And then she said, its ok because it was a long time ago and I was over it now!!!! :mad::mad::mad::mad:

Am so cross. She rang later to say sorry for her tactless remark, and I tore a strip off her and said my sad news was NOT gossip and was NOT to be passed on to anyone else.

Honestly, I really can't believe her. She had marriage problems last month after 35 years of marriage. She wouldn't like it if I started chatting to random far out family members about her problems would she?!?

And it totally sucks not to be pregnant still I try not to get my hope up every month but I just can't help it

TeamLowe

Oh dear Abis, mothers really are sent to try us! mine just casually dropped into conversation that my cousin's expecting a baby as she felt 'casual' was the best way to go about it. tactful would have been so so much better.
Also (and i know it was just a generic thing to say) when i messaged my cousin's wife to say congratulations she said 'thanks, we're really happy'
which hasn't helped my mood cos it just makes you realise that you're really not

I know what you mean about the hope, i always feel stupid for getting my hopes up. but in the cycles when i do ovulate why can't i dream? sperm+egg can still equal baby no matter how many times it hasn't before.

that's what i try to tell myself anyway. in reality i've spent a good portion of the afternoon looking at IVF costs and how you go about surrogacy...

mrsj28

Abis - big big hugs xxxxxxxxx

abis21

I know teamlowe - if its not one thing it yr mother.

Am still so cross tho - but it did help to phone DH and have a moan on here.

I'm dreading an announcement in the family My cousin is over from australia this week and I'm dreading the inevitable announcement that will come soon.

I try to tell myself every month not to get too excited (hard for me, lol!) and this month I was so much more relaxed I was hoping it would equate to being relaxed if the result was negative.

Its my birthday on saturday and I'm having a little party at mine, so I will be able to drink etc etc. None of it is the same as having a baby tho Its been a year now and in some ways it feels further away than ever cos at the beginning I was so full of hope and optimism and now its so hard to keep up a good spirit about it all

I have loads of lovely things planned in to try and take my mind of the due date and the not-being-pregnant-ness, but its always there in the back of your mind - the emptiness and the longing

Awww, hope you manage to catch the eggy and spermy too tho. Are you with a FS now? IVF n surrogancy is a way off is it not?