Miscarriage support

plummie2003

Thats really awful Cookiecrumbs, If you are only 34 I am sure you will have lots of time left to conceive. If you conceived so quickly this time then thats a positive. With regards to the actual mc, I know how you feel, sometimes it helps to write things down. You have my every sympathy, And I know what you mean about feeling as though you should be telling people around now.. me too .. I miscarried a few weeks ago, i buried my head in the sand and got on with things, my OH was the only one who knew about the pg, I was about 8 weeks and have had no one to talk to. To be honest I really just got on with things and pretended it didnt happen. My OH didnt really know what to do or say so just stayed fairly quiet and out my way initially and since then nothing has been said of it. We are getting married next October and have the venue sorted, I have my dress etc so it was a case of have a baby ASAP or wait til after the wedding to ttc. Luckily we conceived straight away and I was so excited at the thought of having a new baby at our wedding. I then miscarried and so as silly as it sounds, missed our chance and now need to wait ttc again. I wouldnt be so fussed about waiting but my parents paid for my dress and it was so expensive, they would be so upset if i couldn't fit in it, and i don't want to be pg at my wedding (sounds selfish i know) But anyway, I got a message from my sister in Australia this morning, my wedding will be the first time since she emigrated in 2010 that she will be coming back so focus will be on her and her 2 kids to an extent at our wedding anyway with her always having been the favourite in our family.. I had sort of expected this anyway however as I was saying she sent me a message this morning informing me she hadnt been feeling well lately etc, but it would all be worth it when in 28 weeks time she would have a new baby to show for it etc. Her due date is just a week before mine would have been and I had thought i had gotten over it as best I could until today when I have been in tears all day at the thought of it all. Not only have I lost my baby, but I wont be the focus of peoples attention on my own wedding day, and my sister will have a gorgeous new baby everyone will be cooing over which will be the same age as mine would be.. I am sorry if this sounds selfish or silly but i really feel as though its been a double whammy and I'm not sure what to do now, what to say, I just dont feel happy for her and cant even bring myself to say congratulations, In fact i am comtemplating cancelling my wedding just so I dont have to see her and her new baby xx

Metranil_Vavin

Hugs cookie, how sad to have mc'd on your honeymoon x

I find writing stuff down on this forum does really help as everyone posting here has been through it, and understands how you are feeling.

Hugs to you as well plummie. It's not selfish at all the feel that way. Your sister obviously doesn't know about your recent mc, so she is all excited and doesn't realise how painful it is for you.

It is so hard getting over a mc, particularly when people around you are getting on with their lives whilst yours seems to have stopped. I used to feel really angry and resentful at people, particularly with certain friends who seemed very sympathetic at first, but then quickly seemed to forget. My sister for example, never once phoned me to see how I was. The most I got was a couple of texts, which I thought was pretty sh1te.

I hope you don't feel you have to cancel your wedding x

SusanC_2

mrsj28 wrote: »

Hi ladies, I've got a quick question...I've posted this on the ttc thread too, but thought you might be able to help.

The nurse at the hospital advised we wait one cycle before ttc again - I asked why and she said for dating purposes, and the potential associated stress of not knowing your dates if you do fall pregnant straight away after a miscarriage.

DH and I originally agreed that we'd wait one cycle, but we've since had unprotected s e x twice and need to make a decision asap (or a week ago...) about whether to use protection this cycle. It took a while for me to get pregnant (PCOS), so I think we both feel that we don't want to miss a potential opportunity for another pregnancy, and we are also not really expecting it to happen again soon.

My question is... is there any reason other than the dating issue not to try immediately?

After my first miscarriage, we were told there was no medical reason to wait and that it was fine to try again as soon as we felt ready. In retrospect I regretted trying again straight away but only because I ended up having been pregnant for eight out of nine months without a baby and felt like I hadn't had a break from the whole thing but if the second or third of those pregnancies had worked out I don't think I would have regretted it and in all honesty I would probably do the same again. (We waited three months after the third but that was because I suffer from hyperemesis gravidarum and we needed the time to recover from/prepare for that.) IME the hospital dates the pregnancy based on the scan rather than on your last period so it's not really necessary to wait from a dating point of view.

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

I feel almost bad bringing this up as it was only 4 weeks, but I am really, really disappointed. It doesn't matter how early a loss is, you still start making plans and thinking about your future.

I guess I should have known better having been through a loss previously, and although this isn't anywhere near as awful as I haven't had scans etc, it's brought back a lot of unhappy memories and I'm full of remorse

I'm so sorry for your loss - it doesn't matter how far you are, the moment you get that positive your entire future is changed so to then have it suddenly whipped away is hard. I actually found my second (~4 1/2 weeks) much harder than the first (~7 1/2 weeks) because it was so sudden and such a shock so I definitely don't think you should feel bad about bringing it up - a loss is a loss whenever it happens. Also, it is natural to make plans as soon as you know, I know I still did after the first two losses - it was only after three that I felt uncertain enough of the outcome to be able to not plan.

plummie2003 wrote: »

Not only have I lost my baby, but I wont be the focus of peoples attention on my own wedding day, and my sister will have a gorgeous new baby everyone will be cooing over which will be the same age as mine would be.. I am sorry if this sounds selfish or silly but i really feel as though its been a double whammy and I'm not sure what to do now, what to say, I just dont feel happy for her and cant even bring myself to say congratulations, In fact i am comtemplating cancelling my wedding just so I dont have to see her and her new baby xx

I don't think it is silly at all - I found people with pregnancies or babies with similarities to mine much harder to cope with and I did avoid some people to a certain extent because I found seeing their babies so upsetting yet would be okay with other people/babies that did not have the reminders/simlarities to mine.

plummie2003

Thanks Metranil, It isnt her fault, we just have a fragmented relationship after some things that went off last year. I am just not happy for her, I am horrifically jealous and wish she had never told me. I know if I don't pretend to be ecstatic my mum will ask why and call me selfish etc because thats what always happens because as far as my mum is concerned the sun shines out my sisters @rse (sorry!)
I am sorry about your mc metranil, I have just read about your m/c, its so awful when you start making plans in your head etc and planning things (I did). Hopefully you will be conceive again soon and everything will go smoothly. xx

cozza123

just wanted to write down how i'm feeling cause it was my 3rd mc due date tomorrow and have no one to talk to at home alone OH working away. just glad i'm off work tomorrow cause even today i've been nasty someone at work came round to do a collection for a girl who i don't know who is pregnant to which when they asked me i snapped and said why should i put in when i can't even have mine.

i'm just so angry with the world i guess everyone who mc's feels this way maybe i thought over time it would get easier but as i haven't had any children b4 i don't think it is

Jox

Sorry you're feeling this way cozza123, do you think you would benefit from any sort of counselling? 3 mc's must be soul destroying.

I know you're just looking for some comfort and solidarity while your hubby is away but in case you need something more substantial, I did a quick google for miscarriage support and maybe the following links might be of some use?

http://www.gracefulgrieving.com/?gclid=CPSfj7a90bICFQMMfAodijUAyw

http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/support/

http://www.nct.org.uk/pregnancy/miscarriage-support

Would it help to light a candle in a church tomorrow maybe (hope I don't offend)

Big hugs and I hope hubby can give you love and comfort when he gets back xx

Upsidedown_Bear

I don't know if this would be of any help and comfort to any of you (it was for me) but the Miscarriage Association have an online "Forget-me-knot meadow".

Details here:

http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/support/marking-your-loss/forget-me-not-meadow/

Thinking of all of you xx

samii11

samii11 wrote: »

heya, ive come here from the 'less than 12 weeks pregnant' forum. I started bleeding sunday night (going by my LMP i would have been 8 weeks) the scan showed i was either only about 4 weeks or starting to MC as the embryonic sac and yolk where present just no baby, so i knew it was a MC as 4 weeks wasnt possible. I do have a scan booked for Wednesday to check and see if baby has grown or it was a MC, however after being rushed to A&E last night with very heavy bleeding, large clots ect my blood test confirmed that i have had a miscarriage (this is my first MC after 2 DS) so i think im here for some advice/support from people who know. Anyway thats me, hope everyone else is doing ok xxx

hey all, i went to hospital thursday as the craps where so unbearable and i was passing very big clots i had a blood test for iron which was normal but my levels where so low they confirmed the miscarriage.. they swabbed my womb to try and get any more clots out but said there wasnt much there anyway 2 days of heavy bleeding and more clots i managed to return to work yesterday on light duties and my bleeding has slowed right down after 9 days since starting to misscarry. I have my scan tomorrow to see whats happening with baby/miscarriage even though i know baby has gone ive kept the scan to make sure all has passed..

has anybody else been fine for a while and taken it well then start feeling quite down (for me it was today and i think i will need to have a good cry after the scan)

amus

samii11 wrote: »

has anybody else been fine for a while and taken it well then start feeling quite down (for me it was today and i think i will need to have a good cry after the scan)

Sorry to hear you have m/c.

I was upset when I first miscarried for a couple of days and then went back to work a couple of days after and got on with things as normal.

I have been struggling a bit recently since noticing my other next door neighbour (one has just had a baby) is pregnant, and I get upset when I see women who are about the same stage of pregnancy as I would have been.

But I think thats natural I just try my best to focus on what I have got rather than what wasnt .

TeamLowe

hate seeing this thread on the front page but i'm glad it gives so much support x x
i'm 15 months after mine and yes, several times i've been completely brought low by it out of the blue but those times seem to get farther and farther apart
what really helped me, apart from my counselling which as always i'd encourage everyone to have....was to have a candle at home to light when i was thinking of the baby. i think i've heard of other ladies planting a tree or something. i think it's all part of accepting that you're grieving and not trying to pretend everything is fine, which was what messed me up most. i wanted to be ok so so badly i was denying my feelings and making things ten times worse.

Plummie i really feel for you, a friend of mine had her baby a week after mine was due and it was really hard seeing him but actually it's ok now, i love the little sausage because he's his own person if you get me. my baby wouldn't be him so i'm not jealous. I lost my baby last july, my sister told me she was pregnant in December and i think i cried for about a week. that christmas was incredibly tough anyway and having everyone fussing over my sister because of the baby didn't help. But again, my gorgeous niece is here now and i love her to bits and i do get pangs of jealousy, mainly when she only wants her mummy but it's great most of the time, i get a taste of babylove whilst i'm waiting for mine

Also, i wouldn't worry too much about all the focus being on your sister on your wedding day. for one thing, you'll still be the bride, you'll still have his side and your friends having all their attention on you and if your wedding is big like mine was you'll be spending your time panicking that you haven't spoken to everyone and you probably won't notice how much attention people pay to your sister.
When you come to do your seating plan i'd think about putting your sister subtly off to one side so you're not staring at the baby the whole time. during the cermony you'll only have eyes for your fiance and at the reception you'll be too busy having a great time dancing to care x x

...well that was long and rambling, sorry if it makes no sense! x