Miscarriage support

Jox

Hi, can I join for a bit please, feeling a bit confused today, I had a miscarriage on 25th August, was 7 weeks preg, so happy and excited about it.

Started bleeding a week after I found out, bled for about 2 weeks, hospital confirmed that my hormone level had dropped and had miscarriage.

Didn't tell work and have been carrying on as "normal". I work in a small company with 3 men so not really comfortable discussing it.

There was a fibroid in my uterus when they did the scan at the hos, I'm not sure if this was a contributing factor to the miscarriage? Also, how do you know if it's a molar or chemical pregnancy, no-one said anything at the hos and I didn't ask.

I'm at bit concerned because my boobs seem to be growing again, I've got a deep secret wish that I didn't miscarry and it was a mistake and I'm still preg but I'm sure that's not the case...

I really want some time off work, I know it happened nearly 3 weeks ago but I'm still upset.

Just wanted somewhere to share my feelings.

Hugs to mrsj, I'm very sorry for your loss xx

mrsj28

Hi Jox - I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

I would really recommend taking some time off work - it really helped me to come to terms with things emotionally and also to recover physically. I found it was good just to do some crying and resting, and I think I would have done more damage in the long run if I'd rushed back.

That said, everybody is different and there is no set amount of time you should take. The nurses I saw at the hospital did recommend taking 'some' time off.

You can self-certify for up to one week of sickness absence, so you could consider taking some time off without telling them about the miscarriage, or just stating gynae problems (usually stops men from asking questions).

Re: the molar/chemical thing. I can't give any medical advice on this, but my understanding is:

chemical pregnancy - this is when the embryo implants but then the pregnancy fails very very early on, sometimes even before your period is even due.

molar pregnancy - I'm pretty sure your HCG (pregnancy hormone) levels would still be high if this was the case.

But.. my main advice (not medical!!) would be to go and talk through what happened with your GP just so that you are clearer on things. I also think The Miscarriage Association is also really helpful - loads of info. on their website and some good publications (all available online as PDF leaflets); they also have a telephone helpline. http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

Everybody (except my nightmare boss..) told me to 'go easy on myself' and that was the best advice . I tried to go back to work too soon and I didn't do myself any favours.

Sending big ((hugs)), this is a horrible time Take it one day at a time, and please come and 'chat' on here as much or as little as you'd like to.

Best wishes, MrsJ xx

Courgette

Hi Jox,

I'm sorry you find yourself on this crappy thread (it's very supportive but let's face it, no one actually wants to be here). I don't think you're alone in that deep secret wish, we all have it.

Jox wrote: »

I'm at bit concerned because my boobs seem to be growing again, I've got a deep secret wish that I didn't miscarriage and it was a mistake and I'm still preg but I'm sure that's not the case...

I don't know if anyone's told you but when you have a mc your body behaves in all sorts of weird ways. I had my most recent mc 3 months ago and every time including this time leading up to my period I have had such strong pregnancy symptoms that I just couldn't believe that I wasn't pg again and every time my period came it was like having the mc all over again. Expect the unexpected. It really does your tree in but it's all part of the crap territory.

It does get better xxx

abis21

Hi JoX,

MrsJ is right. A checmical pregnancy is basically a very early miscarriage. I think its before 5 weeks and before a sac is produced. A lot of people don't realise they have had a chemical pregnancy, they just think its a late period and it can often be heavier than a normal period.

A molar pregnancy is what I had. Its quite rare. 1 in 3000 chance. To have it diagnosed you have to have the placenta sent to histology. If you had a natural miscarriage, then you wouldn't have been able to find this out. Typical symptoms are very bad morning sickness throughout the pregnancy and not getting a negative pregnancy test after the miscarriage for a long time, as the HCG levels are abnormally very high (which is what causes the bad sickness).

For the vast majority of people there is no "reason" or medical condition that causes the miscarriage.

At first I felt comforted by having a molar pregnancy as I had a 'reason'. After a while tho I found out that it sucked to have a reason, cos theres a fair few complications with a molar pregnancy.

Did they say anything more about the fibroid on your uterus? Are they able to do anything about that?

I also like MrsJs idea of taking some time off work with gynae problems. Men really don't like any details on these things. It does you good to have some time to deal with the grief. It also helped me to talk about it lots. With DH, with my mum, my best friend and the boards. Everyone helped me in their own different ways and I needed their support so much back then.

I work for my brother, and he liked to know as little details as possible, but he was aware of the pregnancy and the miscarriage, so I had time off when I needed it. I had a day off sick a couple of months after it all happened as I had to get some tests done and was in a right state about it. People understand on the whole I think, and if you don't wish to discuss it with them, then there is usually a way around that (such as gynae problems etc)

Its not nice that our bodies like to trick us tho I'm 4 months on from my miscarriage and still have very heavy periods compared to before and the odd other 'symptom'. I think some of them as just sort of made up ones, like in the 2ww. But they still make me sad sometimes that I should be experiencing them for real still

I'm dreading getting a stomach bug, as it will just remind me of all the morning sickness, and the smug feeling of 'safeness' that I used to have everytime I was sick thinking I had a nice (but naughty) healthy baby growing inside me

Big hugs for what you are going through. Don't forget to be kind to yourself. Thats important. And my molar nurse once said to me, its normal to never feel normal again. That really helped me, because I suppose I won't ever go back to the naivity before the miscarriage now and I was somehow expecting to.

amus

If you had a scan they would have been able to confirm that all the pregnancy tissue had gone, if you were 7 weeks gone I dont think it would have been chemical, and if it was molar I think they have to monitor you for quite a while after so they would have told you.

I know what you mean about hoping they were wrong and its still there, when I lost mine the baby and placenta came out but the sac was left behind, I was hoping I would go for my other scan and they would tell me they were wrong (even thought I knew that this wasnt really ever going to be the case).

Jox

Thanks for all the input, I did feel quite alone when it was happening as my husband was away, he's back today so we can have a cry together probably, he was so happy about the positive preg result!

I will prob go to my GP about the fibroid, didn't know I had one before the scan at 6 weeks and they told me it was quite big at 7cm.

It's hard enough getting time off work as there's just me to do my job but I may have a word with the boss and allude to gynae things, just don't want them to have any excuse to give me the boot!

When I had the scan we could see the sac. I haven't had another scan since the miscarriage so have no clue if there is anything left inside?

I have an unused preg test at home that I was tempted to use last night, if it still says positive what should I do? I won't use it for another few weeks maybe, will wait for period and then try again with hubby.

It took us 9 months to conceive, we don't have any children...

Thanks again for replying, hugs to all who need it

amus

Jox wrote: »

Thanks for all the input, I did feel quite alone when it was happening as my husband was away, he's back today so we can have a cry together probably, he was so happy about the positive preg result!

I will prob go to my GP about the fibroid, didn't know I had one before the scan at 6 weeks and they told me it was quite big at 7cm.

It's hard enough getting time off work as there's just me to do my job but I may have a word with the boss and allude to gynae things, just don't want them to have any excuse to give me the boot!

When I had the scan we could see the sac. I haven't had another scan since the miscarriage so have no clue if there is anything left inside?

I have an unused preg test at home that I was tempted to use last night, if it still says positive what should I do? I won't use it for another few weeks maybe, will wait for period and then try again with hubby.

It took us 9 months to conceive, we don't have any children...

Thanks again for replying, hugs to all who need it

So have you had the miscarriage confirmed?

Usually after a suspected m/c you need to have a scan at the beginning to confirm the pregnancy is not viable, and then one after the bleeding has stopped to confirm that all the tissue has passed. Sometimes there can be tissue left over and this can cause continued pregnancy symptoms/infection.

If you havnt been scanned since the m/c I would definitely recommend contacting your local EPU.

mrsj28

Hi ladies, I've got a quick question...I've posted this on the ttc thread too, but thought you might be able to help.

The nurse at the hospital advised we wait one cycle before ttc again - I asked why and she said for dating purposes, and the potential associated stress of not knowing your dates if you do fall pregnant straight away after a miscarriage.

DH and I originally agreed that we'd wait one cycle, but we've since had unprotected s e x twice and need to make a decision asap (or a week ago...) about whether to use protection this cycle. It took a while for me to get pregnant (PCOS), so I think we both feel that we don't want to miss a potential opportunity for another pregnancy, and we are also not really expecting it to happen again soon.

My question is... is there any reason other than the dating issue not to try immediately?

Thanks in advance.

Jox - how are you doing? Did you manage to arrange to take any time off work? Hope you are ok xx We are in a similar situation, took us 9 months to conceive and no other children.

TeamLowe

Jox it's mcredibly important that you have a scan to make sure all tissue has passed. You run the risk of infection if anything is left behind and PID, which unfortunately can cause fertility problems. Something I was completely paranoid after mine even though I was given a course of antibiotics after my treatment but then again I'm a hypochondriac lol

MrsJ there's no 'medical' reason to wait but I think they still recommend waiting at least one cycle so you can recover both physically and mentally. But plenty of ladies get straight pregnant again, even ones who had trouble the first time x x

mishkanorman

mrsj28 wrote: »

Hi ladies, I've got a quick question...I've posted this on the ttc thread too, but thought you might be able to help.

The nurse at the hospital advised we wait one cycle before ttc again - I asked why and she said for dating purposes, and the potential associated stress of not knowing your dates if you do fall pregnant straight away after a miscarriage.

DH and I originally agreed that we'd wait one cycle, but we've since had unprotected s e x twice and need to make a decision asap (or a week ago...) about whether to use protection this cycle. It took a while for me to get pregnant (PCOS), so I think we both feel that we don't want to miss a potential opportunity for another pregnancy, and we are also not really expecting it to happen again soon.

My question is... is there any reason other than the dating issue not to try immediately?

Thanks in advance.

Jox - how are you doing? Did you manage to arrange to take any time off work? Hope you are ok xx We are in a similar situation, took us 9 months to conceive and no other children.

we were advised that we didnt need to wait (slightly different in that ours was a termination rather than natural miscarriage) so i presume there is no medical reason for it,

In my experience though I wish in some ways we had waited, the last pregnancy ended at the end of September and I fell pregnant again at the end of december, so for the majority of the last year I have been pregnant. Thats put quite a strain on my body but mainly the up/down of the hormones as they first left my body and then returned has meant at times ive been all over the place emotionally.

Not taking the time to grieve has (I've come to realise recently) meant I havent enjoyed this pregnancy as im still mentally not over the last one.

I just wanted to rush ahead and fall pregnant as that is what i had wanted for the last 5 years, in doing so I thought it would cancel out the pain caused by the ending of the last pregnancy.


Im not saying I was wrong to get pregnant so quickly, just that it wasnt the quick fix solution that i thought it would be - its worth bearing that in mind, i hadnt considered that by throwing myself into getting pregnant i was only delaying the inevitable grief that would catch up with me and ive robbed myself of the joys of pregnancy that I should have had.


mishka:o