Miscarriage support

mrsj28

Hi ladies (and any gents reading) - just popping over here for a quick chat and also with a question. Thanks again for all the support earlier in the week.

I'm feeling so much better today. It's been a horrible week but I've been very well supported by DH, family and a few select friends. I've pretty much stopped bleeding now and have had a more or less 'normal' weekend. I still feel incredibly sad about it but I know I am very lucky to have good support, and that it could have been a much worse experience (I know a lot of the ladies on here have been through much worse).

Anyway, my question is really about work.... I didn't work last week, although I did try to go back to work a couple of times, and just couldn't cope - I felt so overwhelmed by everything and by 10am I was in tears and making the decision not to work that day. My boss was quite understanding, although not brilliant. My job is quite fast paced and it is a case of all or nothing, so I was finding it very difficult to ease back in to work. I saw the GP on Thursday and was signed off for another week, but don't want to take the full week off.

I am feeling much stronger and want to go back to work tomorrow, but my boss is being difficult - she has basically said she either wants me back 'working normally' (i.e. at a fast pace) or not at all. She has arranged for somebody to cover my workload this week, but I will go mad if I have another week off.

The above is all a bit rambly... I suppose my question is how long did you take off work? And did anybody have difficulties going back? I rarely take any time off sick (2 days in 3 years) and I have no protocol for this situation

Oh it's just all so sad, isn't it

Writing all this down is very helpful, thank goodness for this thread

Nicki

Bonkers though it sounds mrsj28 your employer doesn't have to let you go back to work until either your GP rescinds your fitnote or it expires and lots of employers won't because if you had an accident in the workplace when working and technically signed off sick, their insurance would probably not cover you even though the two things were unrelated.

In terms of time off, I had 2 weeks when this happened with my first pregnancy and was also working in a high pressured fast paced job, and to be honest struggled to deal with it when I went back after that fortnight and probably should have taken a bit longer. With my last loss, I was at home looking after the other children, and my DH went back to work the same afternoon I had the scan confirming the loss, so I was effectively back on duty the same day.

Hope you are OK, good to hear you are feeling stronger and had a better weekend.

mrsj28

Thanks Nicki. My employer has done just that it would appear... I have just received an email saying they don't want me back at work until the fit note expires. Really frustrating as I don't want to sit around feeling like a fraud all week and remembering why I'm having the time off

I think I made a huge mistake by trying to go back to work last week before I was ready. I was all over the place and wasn't well enough but wanted to be. I think that's made my employer wary of having me back too soon, which I can understand.

I wish I'd just taken all of last week off, without trying to work, and then I could go back tomorrow

Looks like my house could be very clean by the end of this week.....

ETA - I know I could go to the GP and try and get a note saying I'm fit to work, but knowing my boss it would be more hassle than it's worth to try and convince her I'm ok to go back now...

Nicki

You could always go back to the GP and ask them to sign you fit to work?

mrsj28

Cross posted

Nicki

mrsj28 wrote: »

Cross posted

She sounds like a charmer! How about a week of doing all the things we are all too busy to do usually - clothes to charity shop, big declutter, organise all have those jobs done which you need to be in for like carpet cleaning, etc. And lunch with any friends who work in an accessible place, or happen to be off next week too? Then at least you can feel your time hasn't been wasted and you aren't in limbo so much.

Courgette

Hi mrsj

I'm sorry you're going through this. I think the point is not how long other people had it's how long you need. I've had 2 mcs and they were very different. The first one happened in the school hols so I had 5 weeks effectively but could have gone back earlier. This last one completely poleaxed me and with the 6 week hols I had 9 weeks which I needed.

A week really isn't so long to take so my advice for what it's worth would be to take it.

Again, sorry you find yourself in this horrible place

mrsj28

Nicki wrote: »

She sounds like a charmer! How about a week of doing all the things we are all too busy to do usually - clothes to charity shop, big declutter, organise all have those jobs done which you need to be in for like carpet cleaning, etc. And lunch with any friends who work in an accessible place, or happen to be off next week too? Then at least you can feel your time hasn't been wasted and you aren't in limbo so much.

Oh yes, she is really special.... I was thinking maybe I should use the time off to look for a new job!! Last week when I really shouldn't have been working there was plenty of pressure for me to be in the office and making me feel guilty by telling me how stressed and tired she was without me around, and how the business (very small company) will fall apart if key people aren't there to keep things going, etc......

Thanks for the suggestions - good plan to keep busy and tick lots of things off the to do list (although I definitely feel like a fraud now... time off sick is not for these kind of things!).

mrsj28

Courgette - thanks for the advice. This extra week might be a blessing in disguise, and hopefully when I am allowed back (!!) I'll feel ready to work at full speed again.

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses too

Metranil_Vavin

I agree wholeheartedly with courgette and nicki.

take as much or little time as you feel you need. I think I went back too soon after my mc (10 days), and struggled quite a bit.

Getting all those bits and pieces done that you never have time to do is a great form of therapy too. And of course you also have the time to be quiet and provate if you want to as well.

Hugs x