Miscarriage support

mrsj28

My in-laws just sent me the most enormous bouquet of flowers (they are very ott people when it comes to gifts etc). It is so kind and thoughtful of them, but I don't even want to look at the flowers, it just makes me so sad I feel awful writing that, it's so ungrateful of me, DH brought them up to me and I read the card and then asked him to just take the flowers downstairs and I'll sort them out later.

I'm trying to work today (I work from home) and finding it helps to do a little bit to take my mind off things, but as soon as I start thinking about it again I can't stop crying.

Thank goodness for this thread. DH is being wonderfully supportive, but he is sad too, so I don't want to talk about it all the time to him.

Nicki

Its natural to be raw today mrsj. If you can't face looking at the flowers, get your OH to put them in a bin, or give them to a neighbour or something. But get him to take a picture of them first and keep the card somewhere you won't fall over it. In a few weeks time, you may take some comfort from the fact that your baby's short life was acknowledged by family and that they recognised your pain, so leave the option open to yourself to keep those momentos if you want them. One of the hardest parts of my first loss was that virtually no one acknowledged it and I was expected to bounce back as though nothing had happened, and my second was so much easier even though it happened earlier and very few people ever knew about it, because the friends that did know acknowledged and respected it (and most did buy flowers too which were only really appreciated in hindsight).

Glad your DH is home with you today and being supportive.

QQuaver

Thinking of you MrsJ (((hugs))).

mrsj28

Nicki wrote: »

Its natural to be raw today mrsj. If you can't face looking at the flowers, get your OH to put them in a bin, or give them to a neighbour or something. But get him to take a picture of them first and keep the card somewhere you won't fall over it. In a few weeks time, you may take some comfort from the fact that your baby's short life was acknowledged by family and that they recognised your pain, so leave the option open to yourself to keep those momentos if you want them. One of the hardest parts of my first loss was that virtually no one acknowledged it and I was expected to bounce back as though nothing had happened, and my second was so much easier even though it happened earlier and very few people ever knew about it, because the friends that did know acknowledged and respected it (and most did buy flowers too which were only really appreciated in hindsight).

Glad your DH is home with you today and being supportive.

Thanks Nicki, that's really helpful advice and makes a lot of sense. We are so lucky to have very supportive family. My two best friends also knew about the pregnancy and have been brilliant.

p.s. I just made myself smile thinking about putting the flowers in the bin..... they'd pretty much fill the whole wheelie bin and we'd have nowhere to put our rubbish this week.... glad to see my brain is still working on a very practical level

tinkwings

MrsJ - Hugs Hugs Hugs Hugs :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Helenlk

So sorry to hear your news Mrsj! Sending lots of hugs to you and DH. Take good care of yourselves. xx

abis21

I got some flowers delivered too, nice n bright and cheery ones. I think I left them for a little while, but did eventually stick them in water. They helped to know that people were thinking of us.

I'm afraid lots of things will remind you at the moment tho. One of my friends announced her pregnancy on facebook with the same due date as my baby. That hurt To be honest - I hope I don't see her before the baby comes I don't think I could face looking at her bump and making the comparisons to where I should have been.

Everything hurts so much to begin with, thats sooooo normal. My poor neighbours must have wondered what on earth I was wailing about.

Its nearly 4 months on now for me, and I can look back at things and smile. I have kept my positive tests etc, and I don't want to get rid of them to be honest. I am happy to have carried our baby and don't want to forget that. Its not so deeply sad now. I have put things in to a cupboard tho for my own sanity, my ov tests, pregnancy tests, a baby grow I bought etc. I don't want my face rubbed in it that I lost the baby, so its out the way if you understand me?

Its lovely that you have your friends and family to support you, it will mean so much to you.

Ps, don't ever worry about being ungrateful etc. People say and do things to try and help. Sometimes it does help and sometimes it doesn't. Don't ever feel guilty if it doesn't tho. Keep repeating to be kind to yourself. Nobody expects anything of you. You are / will be grieving for as long as it takes. Its not just the physical loss of the baby, its also the loss of the future you had planned together.

mrshappy

Mrsj-so sorry to read your news, take care of yourself and mrj xx

time2deal

Oh no MrsJ... So sorry to hear this news.

Not much to add other than sending lots of hugs to you both. It's just so sad.

mrsj28

Thanks for all the messages today ladies. The support on here is incredible.

Nicki - your comments were so helpful earlier. I have arranged the flowers in a nice vase and now every time I look at them instead of feeling awfully sad I feel really pleased that people care about us and acknowledge that this is a big deal.