Miscarriage support

abis21

(((((hugs))))) Cleofish.

I would have wanted to do the same as you did. I would have taken a photo, and felt more attached to it as well if I had physically seen it. Am glad you didn't have to go through the ERPC if you weren't wanting to do that.

Cry when you want to or need to. You will stop eventually, even tho it doesn't feel like it at the time. Sometimes it does you good to 'wallow' a little. You don't need to take your mind off it or think positive etc if you are not ready too yet. Sometimes it does us good to think about our lost babies. I don't want to forget mine.

Our baby was called bebi (ben - abi shortened) and I think it was a boy. I loved being its mummy and carrying him, even if I didn't get to meet him. I still like to talk about it all, even tho its sad sometimes. I don't think I could deal with 'forgetting' about bebi. He was a part of our lives and made me so happy for the short period he stayed with us.

I hope very much that in the future we will all have our forever babies, but I will never forget bebi and what he means / meant to us. :A

lauradora

emylou wrote: »

Physically I am having cramps & backache & my boobs hurt?

Emy my boobs are still twinging and my mmc started on may 2nd. Im still having pains too

abis21

Having a bad day today

Was supposed to be my midwife appt today to hear the heartbeat etc.

And tomorrow I have to ring up and get the results from my first pee test from the molar clinic, which I am so so nervous about.

DD came back from her dads yesterday and said she'd been missing me all weekend and missing the baby and wanted to speak to me but her dad wouldn't phone me. :(

Tred taking my mind off things and found a kitten I want to buy but DH said no, and I've taken that quite badly too

Seem to have lost the PMA again today and everything seems so far away til we will even get to try for our baby again. DH keeps saying things like 'time will fly' but it doesn't feel like that for me.

lauradora

abis21 wrote: »

Tred taking my mind off things and found a kitten I want to buy but DH said no, and I've taken that quite badly too

Abis I wouldnt have asked him-just turned up at home with it saying there was no where else for it to go.... My husband wouls have sulked but would have come round eventually. A kitten may just be what you need right now!!!

abis21

Haha, am sure my hubby would have forgiven me if I had brought it home, but I didn't I do love the idea still and am working on him slowly

Had my first results back yesterday from my molar, and HCG is down to 576 from 191,000 (pre-op). Normal is considered less than 40, so got a way still to go. Obviously the main drop is from the ERPC as the retained products contained the most of the HCG.

I had it in my head that I would be pleased with anything around 1,000 so am a little happier with that result. Just a waiting game now for the next results etc. They're every 2 weeks, so next friday the sample pot should arrive and the following wednesday I will get the next results.

If I can get 'normal' HCG levels within 8 weeks from the ERPC, I will only have a further 4 months to wait to TTC again. If it takes longer than 8 weeks - then I have however long it takes to get to normal PLUS 6 months to wait to TTC.

If the levels increase or stay the same for a few weeks, then they will have to consider treatment.

It really does suck to be honest. Am finding myself quite angry about it all now. Its bad enough to have a 'normal' miscarriage and have the baby and the hopes and dreams taken away from you. But now I have all this extra stuff to deal with too, and all the added waiting and worry.

Was so stressed and tense yesterday waiting for the results. Was horrible to DH and DD and shouted at them both for things which weren't actually that important :o

Fed up of the rollercoaster of emotions now. Feels daunting to know it may continue for a long time what with all the testing I'll have to do.

Have got a lovely weekend away planned for the jubilee tho, so am very much looking forward to that. And tomorrow morning I do a group with DD at school and its jubilee based - so am excited for that.

And then next week maybe I will get a kitten :cool:

Hows everyone else doing?

SusanC_2

It's tough having to wait afterwards to TTC again - I had to wait last time (different reason - I suffer from hyperemesis gravidarum so going straight into another pregnancy would have been foolish) and it felt like it added to the impact by delaying the next child and increasing the already larger than typical age gap even further. I hope your hcg levels drop quickly enough for the shortest possible wait.

lauradora

I agree abis, its bad enough having to lose your baby without all the messing around after.

Luckily this time I didnt need that but have been through the blood test every two days routine.

I feel like i'm going back downhill again. I just feel so miserable. And for some reason people keep asking me whats wrong with me :mad:

Its as if people give you an alloted time to be sad and then expect you to be over it. Work is doing my head in, i just cant focus on anything and dont care about the clients. At home hubby keeps asking what is wrong and I dont understand why I have to keep telling him?? and the rest of my family seem to be the same. theyve forgotten it now so I should??

Not only am I still grieving for the baby but my body is a mess. Im still bleeding and in pain, I'm trying to get back out running but my body is a shambles after everything, having been laid up and pregnant and taking it steady before.

I hate the feeling of not being in control.

Going intot he doctors in a bit to check about the bleeding and to get a load more other stuff. Im falling ot bits in every direction; riddled with eczema, hayfever, ear infection and thing ive got shin splints

abis21

Thanks for understanding SusanC. Its really hard. DD is 6 now. Some days I feel like she will be popping babies out herself before I ever get round to having another :o Thats on a bad day tho. Luckily today is a good day and I am back to feeling positive about things :cool:

((((((((hugs)))))))) Lauradora.

My DH asked me what was wrong when I was crying about 2 days after the ERPC :rotfl::rotfl: Erm, do you think it might be because of the baby that we very much wanted dying, and having to have an operation, and having loads of complications?!

I know its not funny tho having people ask whats wrong - so many people seem to forget what we have been thru. I'm not trying to make light of it or anything.

Some of my friends just haven't been in touch at all since the bad news. I know they just won't know what to say, but its still quite sad at the same time.

I wonder what I would have been like if the situations were reversed? None of my friends have really been through it before. I bet I would have been rubbish too.

I don't think people think you should forget tho. I think its just that its more important to us as mums, and we still have physical things going on which are a reminder of everything. My boobs are leaking every now and then, and I still have the odd bits of blood. I get a lot of headaches at the moment which I am told are a hormone imbalance because of the molar aspect. Everytime something like that happens - it brings it back to a certain extent. If I am having a good day (like today) it doesn't bother me so much, but on a bad day it just seems so cruel to be reminded about something so sad.

I absolutely hate being out of control of everything, so I am with you on that one! Hope you got on ok at the doctors. Am sure the rest of the things wrong with you will clear up soon. It will just be because you are run down, your immune system will be low and you will get all sorts of things wrong with you. Just what you need when you are already feeling low huh?

Have you got anything planned to look forward to thats coming up? We are going away in the motorhome this weekend, and I am going a bit jubilee crazy! Have made some buns and going to decorate them soon. Also made some bunting and DD is colouring in a flag picture. We are going to decorate the motorhome. Am sure DH will be most impressed - or maybe not ;)

I also have bought some jigsaws as I did one the other day and I found it really great to focus on and it gave me a little project to do. I do love doing them, but often don't make the time for myself for things like that.

Hope you are feeling a little better now xx

cleofish

hi everyone,

abis-hoping your hcg comes down to normal quickly and everything can return to normal for you, i had my pack sent back from london, i havent returned to normal yet but nearly (london normal is anything below 5) didnt expect to be normal as it was only last week things passed though. Enjoy your weekend away.

lauradora- hopefully things at doc went well for you sending you hugs, i think it can take a while for your body to return to a sort of balance.

only popped in quickly to have a quick read ive been trying to keep busy and not sit and think too much. Got another scan next thursday to make sure everything has gone this time, still bleeding though... will it ever finish?

we are going up to oh parents for the weekend and i said (perhaps studily) i would bake a cake, its this one the jubilee crown cake
but its nearly taken all day and im knackered now but surprising concentrating on that means my brain cant think too much.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/food/article-2139598/Cake-fit-Queen-Let-Royal-cake-maker-Fiona-Cairnss-magnificent-Jubilee-creations-inspire-enter-Jubilee-Cake-competition.html

will pop back in after the weekend and catch up more about everyones news.

hoping everyone has a good weekend and lots of fun.

lauradora

impressive Cleo!!

Still in bits, infact feel worse today.

Been on the early shift this morning. Yesterday my mum kept having a go at me for being miserable now DH is being a complete loser (wanting to swaer but being good :A)

Reckoning to want to take me out tonight then I get home to find hes invited his !!!!!!!! brother. Told him I would rather stay in on my own

Had enough, feel like going to bed til its time for work again tomorrow