Miscarriage support

Kitten_Pie

After losing the boys, giving birth holding them taking pictures and having their funeral. I still hoped that they had it wrong and I was in fact carrying triplets. It didn't help that I was getting phantom kicks either.

It is perfectly normal to hope despite all the evidence.

abis21

Thanks Saffagal and Kitten Pie. I don't think I was hopeful, think its just my DD's way of coping with mummy crying I suppose. Just found it very hard having to persuade her that it was real, and it kept going round and round my head.

Saffagal, we never got round to decorating the nursery this time round. I guess it will be a wierd feeling tho when we do. I've been working at getting it cleared and trying to sell things as it is a bit of a junk room at the moment. Hope its going ok and you get to introduce your forever baby to its new home soon :A

Had a phone call today from the hospital and had the partial molar pregnancy confirmed. No need to go to the appt next tuesday now, as it was only to discuss the matter in more detail and for me to ask any questions etc. I do understand it all tho - have done a lot of reading and joined a forum etc.

I will now be referred to sheffield as they are the specialist centre for the north for molar pregnancies. Hopefully should receive a letter from them and a sample pot by the end of the week. Need to send my pee in for testing every 2 weeks to make sure the hormone levels are reducing as they should. If the levels rise then this indicates something is wrong and regrowing, and then I will need further testing - but hopefully won't need to cross that bridge.

Feeling slightly calmer and slightly more positive again. Feels good to be on the next step of the journey. Of course it would have been sooooooooooo much nicer if they had said it was all a mistake and it was "just" a miscarriage, but wasn't ever expecting that to happen.

As molar pregnancies go - I have the "best" type of one. Its a partial molar, and they said on the phone is wasn't fully developed and was in its early stages or sommat, so that *should* mean that I won't need any further treatment. If I do need treatment, its chemo - which is pretty scary to think about, so trying not to think about that.

Once my hormone levels are normal (they test hcg levels as mine were a lot higher then they should be in a normal pregnancy) then I will have to wait 6 months to try for a baby again, as if we try sooner then the odds of it happening again are much higher. We need to have a few cycles of normal levels to make sure everything is flushed out of my system before trying again. Still upset about the wait, and theres no guarentees that it won't happen again even if we do wait. I'll be under Sheffield's care from now onwards, and will be monitored carefully in any future pregnancies. Its a rare thing to happen, so they are doing a lot of research into it and why it happens etc.

Feeling a little calmer now to know we are at the next stage, and that everything is confirmed. Had a slightly better and more positive day today. Trying to just take it one day at a time and be sad when I need to be sad. But the sad days are really sad and rubbish

lauradora

Hi ladies, how are we all doing??

I'm back to work today after two days off. The first few days were horrible, I'm hoping for an improvement today. Had a melt down at the end of my last shift. something probably everyday but I guess due to hormones and feeling low I had a total !!!!! paddy!! Shouted and swore at peoplein my unit and then went to Residential Manager and started on her aswell, Go ME!! :j
in a funny sort of way its given me something to laugh about:p my colleagues in the unit didnt know where to put themselves-its kind of making me look forward to going in again this afternoon!

Still having pains, first thing in a morning and in the evenigs aswell. A little odd?? I'm not sure, but its still getting easier. Still bleeding which is starting to get me down. Never feel clean and constantly changing my underwear.

On a positive note hope everyone is enjoying this weather. i am. had an hour laid in the garden yesterday and am loving not having to dry my washing on the radiators anymore....see above underwear comment!!:p

Lov e and kisses to you all xxxxx

cleofish

hi everyone,

Hope everyone is doing ok and enjoying the lovely weather.

Went for a follow up scan this morning, after choosing to have the conservative natural miscarriage at home. As i expected the pregnancy is still in there, so the bleeding and the clotting ive had for the last two weeks hasnt really shifted anything.

They have said it hasnt really changed in size even and i had a look at my notes that i have to give to my gp and the gestational sac is 13 cm!! I have had more pains the last couple of days but doesnt seem to want to move.I didnt really want to go for the d and c or erpc but if i had choosen the medical tablet option instead the lady in epu couldnt guarantee that i would have a private room and toilet. I really wouldnt fancy going through the pain, the bleeding and the passing if i was in the middle of a ward of at least 6 women, trying to get to the loo quickly that must be really undignifying, it would be a lot different to a enclosed side room. Plus the fact the tablets would take another couple of days before they start to work so we ended up going for the erpc instead.

So im going in for that tomorrow in the morning and will hopefully have the op whevnevr they can fit me in on the schedule. I think i just want the bleeding to be over now and start to feel a bit normal. It would be nice to see a sort of end to it. It already feels like the longest period ever. I totally sympatheize with you lauradora on having to change underwear all the time, it would be good not to wear a pad especially in this weather!

sorry abis that it came back as a partial molar, even though you expected it i also hoped for you that they might have got it wrong. Fingers crossed your hcg level comes down to norml as quick as possible and you can start your 6 month count down.Enjoy sending your wee through the post, :rotfl:i send mine to london, i had because of how long ago my molar was got it down to every 6 months sending the wee in the post but because of the last 2 miscarriages im back on every month plus i will have to go for blood tests after ive had this erpc to get a more accurate figure. The box for the wee has got a warning on it, as your sending biological substances such as urine or sometimes blood as well, makes for a laugh at the post office anyway.

Hope everyone else is feeling good or able to do something to make themselves feel good. Im off to have an afternoon choocie. :T

abis21

Hehe, sometimes a rant at work is well called for Lauradora. Hope your day back at work has been ok. I'm still bleeding on and off. It seems to tail off, and then comes back again - tis annoying. Getting v v v fed up of pads & big knickers!! Tis far too hot and sweaty for that at the mo. My pains are all gone tho now - is it worth ringing the GP about yours?

Cleofish, sounds like a better idea to go for the ERPC option. Can't believe they would just put you on a ward with other people with a medical management?! Seems crazy. I had my own room with toilet etc for my ERPC which was fab. Also had a private waiting room while we were waiting for the 2nd scan to confirm everything. Must say they were all really amazing with everything, was very impressed with all the staff.

Yeah, I had kind of hoped it was a mistake too and was just a "normal" mmc, but it did make more sense to me being a molar when I looked back on how ill I had been, and that my tummy had grown despite losing a stone n stuff.

Had my letter from sheffield today, which tells me what to do with the wee samples, but no sample pot as yet, so presume that is following soon. Am looking forward to starting my 6 month countdown :cool: DH always said he wanted the debt repaying before trying so I think he must have got his sperms onside and got 2 of them to enter the egg at the same time on purpose

Had a good couple of days, yay Have found if I sit down on my own (ie when DD or DH aren't here) I tend to 'stall' and upset myself. So I have kept myself really busy. Went shopping after work yesterday and my friend came round for tea, and tonight I went for a massage after work and went to another friends house. I finish work at 2 so I can pick DD up from school, but every other weds-sun she is at her dads, so I have an empty house after work until DH gets in at 6.30. Tomorrow I have some jobs to do at home and we are both going to friends for tea, so hopefully that will go ok.

Have also planned to go away in the motorhome this weekend and try and make the most of the sunshine. :cool:

Hope everyone is doing ok xxx

emylou

Hello ladies, I hope it's ok if I post here? I have opened up the forum intending to type every day for the past week but don't know what to write!? So this may be a lot of waffle.
A little history- got my BFP 12th April- 1st pregnancy me & OH were over the moon as it was planned & we had been proper;ly TTC since October (slight delay because I have a genetic heart condition so had to have consultations to discuss risks to myself & baby etc). I went for a hospital appt re my heart on 10th May (I was 11 weeks) I mentioned I had been off with possible slapped cheek syndrome & had been feeling a bit down & eveb though I was due my scan on the 16th May the Dr said to "reassure me" we could hear the heartbeat.....

well that's when it came crashing down.. she kept saying "it's an old machine, might take a few mins etc" after that she tried another scanner then went and got a sonnographer. (By this point I was already numb & was sat facing 2 medical students who didn't know where to put themselves). I then had another scan & an internal where they said they couldn't confirm & hopefully I just had my dates wrong but it looked like the baby had stopped developing at 6 +5 I had to go back last Fri for a scan to confirm eitherway. Sadly they confirmed I'd had a delayed miscarriage & on Tuesday I had an ERPC. My OH was with me the whole time- he's been wonderful even though I know he is heartbroken too

Physically I am having cramps & backache & my boobs hurt? Bleeding seems to be lessening though. I have only cried a few times & that also makes me feel guilty as I feel I should be crying more but I can't seem to cry?
I wonder whether I didn't "connect" to the baby as I was so worried from the day we got the BFP that something would go wrong. My brother's GF had a missed miscarriage earlier this yr too so not sure if that was playing on my mind? It seems that pretty much as we found out ourselves the baby stopped developing despite me continuing to week 10 with morning sickness & no bleeding or pain I don't know whether I'm in shock or what?

Does anyone know how long after an ERPC you find out if there was anything "wrong" with the tissue eg showing a molar pregnancy?

Many thanks if you have read all the way through, sorry if it doesn't make sense. But it has helped to write this down x

ikkle87

Emylou im really sorry to hear about your mc hun, I remember replying to your post about slapped cheek on the less than 12 weeks thread.

As for the molar pregnancy i believe there would be something indicative on the scan, as molars develop a little differently to normal pregnancies therefore if nothing has been mentioned about it by the sonographer/doctor its unlikely to be an issue hun.

abis21

Hey Emylou,

Of course it ok if you post here, but sorry you have to be here :(

Don't worry or over analyse how you are feeling. People cope with these things in entirely different way. In the first few days after my mmc and ERPC I was mostly positive feeling with the odd bouts of crying. Since then I have had a couple of >really< bad days where I have virtually cried all day long.

Its 'normal' to have good and bad days, and sometimes go backwards. Its 'normal' to feel numb, sad, happy, want to forget it happened, want to remember it and talk about it, want to try again for another baby, want to hide from the world, want to do 'normal' things like enjoying a drink with friends, want to plan for the future, think you can never make plans again, to feel like you will never be normal again.

There is no right and wrong with these things, and what will feel ok one day may not feel ok the next day.

Go easy on yourself, be kind to yourself, look after each other. Talk when you feel like it. Theres always someone lurking on here, so even if the thread drops down a couple of pages, if someone posts on it then people will read and respond.

A molar pregnancy is very very rare, so try not to worry about that. In most miscarriages, missed or otherwise, you just don't get to find out a 'reason' for it. A baby has so much development to do from coming from a teeny tiny egg and an even teeny tinier sperm, that there are so many little things that can go wrong with the developmental process.

They do test the placenta etc for molar etc if you have an ERPC and the results from this usually follow in about 4-6 weeks if they do find something unusual. They will contact you via letter or phone if they do find something, but usually I'm afraid there is no reason to it.

I find writing things down help me too, or saying them to friends too. If I have thoughts running round my head I just can't seem to get past them and they just whizz round and upset me. But if I tell someone, it helps somehow. Even if they can't say or do anything to help - just the release of the thoughts out of my head really does help sometimes.

I've had cramping and bleeding, including a couple of small clots - all of which is normal. My boobs haven't been so achy since the ERPC, but the odd time they have been. I think they have also been leaking ever so slightly a couple of times - but not very much at all when they do.

Hope everyone else is doing ok

xxxxxx

Saffagal

So sorry to hear that you find yourself with us here Emylou but like Abi and ikkle have said, you're very welcome to join us and know that you're not alone. Sadly miscarriage is very common. If you need to rant or rave or just want an ear, we're here for you and as we've all been through it at least once, we do understand what you're going through.

After I had my mmc and erpc last Nov it took 3 and a half weeks before I had a bfn and about 2 weeks before I stopped feeling pregnant. Like you I had had no pain, no bleeding nothing - even as they took me into theatre, the surgeon asked if the bleeding and pains had been bad... uh no, I hadn't had any - it was discovered at a scan and was singularly the worst experience of my life.

Cleo, hope that you're home again and that the staff were kind whilst you were in today. Hopefully the bleeding should tail off quickly now.

Laura hope that you had a good day back at work and that your colleagues behaved.

Abi, hope that you enjoy your weekend away.

Afm, I am coping with this mc so much better than last time - perhaps because I'd had spotting, a scan, then bleeding and another scan; when the spotting started I expected the worst. The bleeding seems to be tailing off and I am praying that the scan next week will show my body has completed what it started. I feel guilty though that I'm not as distressed as I was last time almost as though I was valuing this baby less. Sounds crazy when I say it like that but I think I'd lost all the wonder and joy after losing our first and so didn't let myself believe to prevent the hurt in case it went wrong again. I even managed to go to the shopstoday without breaking down or having to walk out when I saw a pregnant woman! I didn't manage that for over a month last time.

Hope that everyone is doing ok and making the most of the sunshine xx hugs to all who need them x

cleofish

hi everyone

emylou- so sorry you have had to come on the board like abis has already said if you had the erpc they normally test, but a molar will normally show signs on the scan and also just to confirm it is very rare as well. So sorry you had to find out that way as well, our bodies are strange things i too had a delayed miscarriage and didnt find out for weeks after the baby stopped developing.sending you hugs for you and your oh.

(sorry tmi part coming up)
well afm i was due to have the erpc today, but yesterday after i had my scan in epu i started to get pains that continued into the night, a lot stronger than period pains and at times what i think contractions must feel like. I was on painkillers, had a hot water bottle in this heat! and it was still really painful. I coughed and i felt a gush in my pants and then a little later when i went to the toilet and wiped i felt i needed to push and something plopped into the toilet bowl.it was about 7cm in length.

really sorry for the tmi part here

i couldnt believe it, it felt very weird, got my oh to grab a pair of rubber gloves and i fished it out and put it in a container, i couldnt believe that it happened last night, the night before i was due to have the erpc!. I couldnt really tell anything that looked like anything, i think i could see 2 black things where eyes would be and what looked like a red cord going from this white tissue to the rest of the tissue, but oh said it was how i was looking at it.I kept it in the fridge last night wrapped up well in a container as well as in a bag, i dont think oh liked the idea but i really couldnt face flushing it and with the heat it would have gone horrible outside of the fridge and i also thought if we went to the hospital this morning i could show them in case they needed to make sure everything had come out.

i telephoned epu this morning and described what happened so they cancelled the erpc for me and ive got another scan on the 7th june to make sure there isnt anything else and its empty. She told me i probably will have some more clots/pieces come out later and just to watch for infection. Ive been ok all day but starting to get pains back again now. They didnt say they wanted to see what was passed so me and oh went out and bought a red japenese maple tree (as ive always wanted one-they look lovely in the winter) that can be kept in a pot and ive placed it under that, we rent so when we move i can take it with me.

I felt really good that my body managed to do something right for a change especially before the op as i was worrying about having that done.

But last night i kept on thinking my baby is in the fridge and i really had to hold back the tears. I also took a photo this morning as well, i have the scan photo from the 8 weeks scan and now ive got this photo, cant help feeling it sucks that will be the only photos i will ever have.
i thought i had been coping well considering what has happened but actually passing it at home has made it seem so real,comapred to my other missed miscarriage, where i had the erpc.
I feel much more attached and it feels like i have actually given birth to a little baby, my baby. But now its in a potted plant outside and i dont know if its the final release of hormones or anything but it feels like i have a dam of tears and everytime i think about it i cant stop myself from crying.

I know i should try to do other things to take my mind off it but cant seem to help thinking of it at the moment, i worry if i start crying i wont be able to stop.

right sorry for the sad rant im off to find some chocolate to help me feel better, im sure it should be on prescription.