Miscarriage support

Kitten_Pie

Abis sending lots of love your way.

TeamLowe

oh Abis i'm so sorry to hear DH isn't helping, it's always hard when you're in different places emotionally.
How involved was DH with the process? i'm just thinking that whilst i didn't see it, my DH saw the scan of the baby (it was a mmc) so it was easier for him to visualize i guess.
he still wasn't very upset about it until after the due date because then there was a baby missing from our house, which is a lot more tangible, especially with my friend's due date being a day after mine. he still refuses to hold her baby because it upsets him too much.


re: treatment methods. i had the medical management which was very undignified but had very little pain, they gave me somee co-tradmol or somesuch when i left hospital but i think i only took like 3 of them the whole time i was bleeding which was only a week. if i'm unlucky enough for it to happen again, i'd go for an ERPC, due to the nature of the medical management. i wouldn't do it at home as it really helped me to seperate out the treatment/process from everything in those first few weeks after and i don't know how i would have managed that if i had memories of it at home x x

maire1

Sorry to see there's been a lot of bad news lately. I hope everybody is ok.

It's now 10 months since my mc and despite trying desperately, nothing is happening. My lost baby's due date has passed though and at least the 'how many weeks would I be' torment is now over.

My oh was very understanding and supportive at the time, but now he sometimes dismisses it as 'only a few cells' (I was 7 weeks when I lost it). To me, it was not cells, it was my longed for baby, whose life I had begun to dream about.

I find it difficult, especially with the trouble I'm now having, with the trouble I'm having concieving again, not to mourn my loss still, every single day.

Natterjack88

I miscarried on Sunday- we only found out the Wednesday. I have had really bad back pain- not something I would have associated with a mc. Now the physical part is almost over the emotional stuff seems to be coming back and Im feeling a bit numb- if it wasn't for ds I don't think id cope. Just thought id check in Ill catch up with you later.
Just quick q- how long has everyone taken off work? Not feeling like I can ever go back right now!

Nicki

Sorry that it's still not happening for you mairie. I know how difficult that makes it. It took me a long time to conceive my first child after my first loss (several years with help from a FS) and I am also now on my ninth month of trying after the latest loss and past my due date. It does make it harder to bear I think. Any pregnancy after a loss is bittersweet and fraught with fear but I would have found both my due dates easier to cope with if I'd been pregnant again when they came round.

Natter, so sorry for your loss. There are no hard and fast rules about how long to take off, just lots of things to think about. How do you feel physically, how arduous is your job, was your pregnancy known about and if not do you want to keep your loss private (that will be harder if you take a longer time off work than a standard illness), will work take your mind off things, do you need to concentrate hard at work (life or death in other words) and would be a liability when grieving, etc. I lost my first at 17 weeks and took 2 weeks off work, signed off by my doctor. Going back to work was hard and my colleagues, who all knew because I thought I was past the magic 12 week safe mark, didn't handle things very well which was difficult, but I did get through. My last loss was at 6 weeks and I am now a SAHM, so was back on duty looking after my other kids with OH back at work the afternoon I came home from the scan telling me there was no hope and before the miscarriage was complete.

lauradora

Natterjack88 wrote: »

Just quick q- how long has everyone taken off work? Not feeling like I can ever go back right now!

Hiya love,

I was signed off for 2 weeks by the hospital and im due back on saturday and dreading it. All my colleagues knew about the baby as I work in dangerous conditions and they had to be informed for my risk assesment. Still dont feel 100% and cant stand the thought of seeing everyone

abis21

Hello all,

Had a bit of a meltdown after writing that post on tuesday. Luckily mum was on hand to come round and mop up my tears.

Had a lot more talks with DH about things. He doesn't realise his own value sometimes and doesn't feel like anyone would 'need' him for anything - but obviously I need him more than anyone else right now.

Things are loads and loads better after talking everything through. Have also got my DD back which makes a world of difference. She still has the odd questions, which is fine - more than happy to answer anything she asks me. She seems ok about everything tho - am keeping a close eye on her.

Had my referral letter through this morning, so had a wobble about that even tho I have been wanting a date for it so I know what / when the next stage is.

Teamlowe - DH was with me at the scan for the mmc, and all the appointments afterwards and stayed with me all day for the ERPC. He was absolutely amazing thru all of that - such a massive support. It was just when he went back to work that I felt like he distanced himself a little from me - but it was at a low time for me anyway, so I think I took it harder than I should have if you know what I mean. He was only in the other room and i should have just gone and sat with him, but i didn't feel able to at the time.

Natterjack - I had my scan and bad news last weds, an ERPC on the thursday and came back to work on monday. I had tuesday off due to the mini melt down, but have been back as normal since. I work for my brother part time - and obviously he says I can do whatever I want. I can stay off home, come in for an hour or stop all day - whatever works best for me. He knows some days I may go backwards instead of forwards, and only wants me here when I am fit and able to cope. For me - I have found it very helpful to be back at work and in a routine. I would be much worse if I was left at home by myself with only my own sad thoughts for company. I was also keen to try and come back as soon as possible, as for me I knew the longer I stayed at home the more anxious I would be about returning. The first day back was hard emotionally wise, and I did fair old pap myself before coming in and 'facing' things. You just need to take things at your own speed tho. There is no 'right' answer - its all very individual.

Marie - it must be hard for you if you are struggling to TTC as well I have a lengthy wait in front of me (6 months+) before I will be given the all clear to TTC again, and I'm still struggling to come to terms with that. I do desperately want another baby. I'm trying to give myself little things to focus on and look forward to in the meantime which I wouldn't be able to do if I was pregnant tho. Trying to focus on a positive aspect to it rather than a negative if you know what i mean (it doesn't always work - but I can try )

Lauradora - how are you doing? Do you start back at work tomorrow? Hope it goes ok.

Cleofish - hope you are ok. I keep thinking of you :A

Saffagal

Hallo all, I'm back again
My first EDD is in 2 weeks time and when I discovered I was pregnant 4 weeks ago I was so relieved but also terrified! Relieved as I'd not be alone on my edd, if that makes sense, but terrified it would happen again.

Well, my fear has materialised although in not quite the same way. My first pregnancy we found I'd had a mmc at a private scan. I chose an ERPC as my body had not recognised that our baby had died yet and I couldn't cope with having to carry my dead baby around any longer. I felt my body was lying.

This time round, I had some spotting so was referred to EPU and had a scan a week ago - everything was as it should be and they booked a rescan for next week but today my spotting changed from brown to red, then became heavy and at lunchtime I passed some large clots. I rang the EPU who asked me to come in for a scan which confirmed that I had passed the pregnancy sac and baby already.
I'm still bleeding heavily and passing large clots but have no physical pain and haven't had any except for some back pain last night. I've to return to the EPU in 10days for a rescan and if I've not stopped bleeding then will need an ERPC again so fingers crossed my body finishes what its started before then.
I don't know a word to describe the emotional pain; I tried not to get my hopes up that this would be take home baby but on some level I did.
I'm so sorry for everyone who is going through this, hugs to all xx

In response to the how long off work question; I'm a therapist working with the elderly and my job is both physically and emotionally demanding. Last time I had 2 weeks off then did half days for two weeks. This time, the hospital have signed me off for two weeks initially but if I need an ERPC again will extend this time due to my job.

cleofish

Hi everyone,

thanks for your words and your advice, i decided to stick with the natural course and stay home and not have the op. I telephoned epu and they were really nice the woman said to keep taking pain killers and that i would have some intense period pains when it would pass and i would have a feeling of needing to push? She couldnt say though whether it would come away in one piece or in parts as its all individual (sorry for the tmi)

I have had some bigish clots and some pain, but its been ok with painkillers and a hot water bottle, im still bleeding a week later but i have a scan with epu on the 24th may to make sure everything has come away. If not epu woman said its either the op if there is enough there or medically if its a small amount left, so im hoping it will happen naturally at home rather than having to go in.

The scan will be one day later than my dating scan (i would have been 13 weeks by then) so i cant help but think it is some sort of ironic pararell world where i should be in antenatal looking at a moving happy baby scan but im not, im going to be in epu hoping for an empty womb scan it just seems wrong.

Although at the moment I am feeling releatively calm i think, we have had a lot going on in the last couple of days that hasnt given me the time to dwell too much, i have noticed though i have started noticing children and pregnant women everywhere again, its mad!

Hoping everyone is feeling ok i do think of everyone on the board and ive said it before but i wish none of us had to go through these things.

thanks ginger poodle for your experiences as well, im hoping its something simply that they will find but if not hopefully we will be monitored more closely next time as well.

sorry to hear of your miscarriage saffagal and that you have to come back, hoping that you have time to heal and that your scan shows everything is ok and you wont need the op as well.

msb5262

Very sorry indeed to hear what's happened, Saffagirl. You are having a rotten time. Please accept my best wishes and sympathy.
MsB x