Miscarriage support

Kitten_Pie

lauradora wrote: »

I'm fine with babies. Its pregnant women stroking thier tummies that gets me

I have to say I found that hard too. When I was pregnant from the moment I found out I was a tummy rubber. This time I don't think I have rubbed it once - it just feels wrong now especially when I know how much it hurts for someone to see (whether I know them or not).

abis21

Needhelpsaving - sorry the have had to take a tube away I've read before that it shouldn't effect chances of conceiving in the future, as the remaining tube just takes over apparently, so you would still ovulate every month hopefully. You might not be ready to think about that again, but just in case you were worried that it might effect future chances I thought I would mention it.

Lauradora - awwww, don't feel guilty for feeling ok or laughing or being happy. Like kitten says, it doesn't take away any of the grief or sadness for the loss of your baby. It doesn't make those feelings less real, or make light of what you have been through or anything. But its ok to laugh and have fun still. Its what will keep you sane throughout this nightmare. Glad the pains etc are easing.

I'm going back to work today. I only work 4 hours and its for my brother as a recpetionist and I do the books etc. Am getting a lift in and back home again so I won't have to do very much physically. Feeling a bit anxious this morning tho. DH has gone to work, and its the first time I have been on my own since it happened. I know if I delay going back to work I will make the anxiety worse - just need to be a brave girl and crack on with it. I can come home at any point if I am struggling or finding it hard.

I think its the thought of facing people. Some of them know exactly whats gone on, some people will think I have just been off sick. Some people will ask questions, other people will completely ignore it cos they don't know what to say. Its my DD's birthday this week, and we have a kids party on the saturday and a family party on the sunday - so I think this week will be hard, but I will have to 'face' up to most of the people who know, or indeed don't know.

Its hard either way. I bumped into a friend by accident on saturday as I went out of town to do some supermarket shopping with DH. Felt so awkward talking to her at first, as she asked how I was (didn't know anything about the pregnancy at all, let alone whats happened since). I couldn't meet her eye and wanted to cry. I relaxed a bit, and then we started chatting about other things - jobs etc. I said I loved my job, and she said well you need to get pregnant so you can go off on maternity leave and i will have your job then. Obv she wasn't to know and it wasn't her fault. I did well - I wanted to cry, but it wasn't her fault, so I held it together til after I had gone. Theres bound to be other people who accidently put their foot in it tho. Even those people who know may say something thats upsetting at times I suppose. People don't understand what its like unless they have been there, and even then theres no "right" thing to say. Sometimes I am ok - othertimes I'm struggling.

Didn't sleep well last night, must have been worrying about going back to work. I kept thinking its not even been a week yet. Wondering how I will cope on wednesday - whether I will re-live it all. I am hoping they send the letter soon for the consultant appt for the molar aspect, as I would really like to have a plan in place and some next steps to strive towards.

Does anyone know how long you should avoid tampons for? I was told to not use them in case of infection - but I really don't like pads or big knickers and am finding them all quite uncomfortable. I'm not bleeding terribly much as I had an ERPC. Will I just have to use pads until I finish bleeding this time? I presume the same will apply to DTD - once the bleeding stops, I presume the risk of infection is less and therefore we will be ok to DTD again then? I'll have to use protection, as its unlikely I will be able to try again for 6+ months depending on the outcome from the molar aspect.

Hope everyone is doing ok xxx

Kitten_Pie

good luck today Laura,

I was advised not to use tampons for my first AF after and then I could use them as usual.

SusanC_2

cleofish wrote: »

Ive never gone down the natural route before to let it happen at home, but ive read that is is quite painful, is it as bad as you read on the internet?

I think it varies from person to person what it is like - my first mc (at 7-8 weeks) I thought it probably wasn't because I had zero pain and everything I read seemed to imply you would definitely be in pain with a mc.

skintchick

SusanC wrote: »

I think it varies from person to person what it is like - my first mc (at 7-8 weeks) I thought it probably wasn't because I had zero pain and everything I read seemed to imply you would definitely be in pain with a mc.

All of my mcs have been natural and I needed copious amounts of codeine with all of them although the ones since I had DD have felt less painful than the first one before she was born, maybe because full term labour really is something else.

My missed mc was no worse than my early ones and I've read a lot that says it is just as painful in hospital, it's only that at home you have the added need to deal with the baby and placenta if you don't want to pass them in the toilet.

I think I posted in November how my natural missed mc went so you could look back on this thread if you want.

HTH

Nicki

I initially opted for an ERPC because I was frightened of the pain of miscarrying at home, but ended up cancelling it, because the pain for me was quite manageable - on a par with bad period pain. But I was only 6 weeks at the time. I only cancelled the ERPC the night before it was due to happen, so it is definitely an option to book one to keep your options open, and see how bad things get beforehand and take a view as to whether you think you will need it at the last minute.

Needhelpsaving

Morning all,

Just caught up on the thread.

Lauiradora - I wouldn't worry about laughing, its a stress relief. Oddly, I made a couple of jokes before surgery to stop me/family getting nervous.

Abis - hope your RTW went ok. I'm so sorry that you were caught in that situation with your friend - I don't know how you held it together.

Cleofish - I'm sorry I don't know much about d&c. I had an ERPC during surgery. I have had some bleeding, but I imagine no where near what you would have with a natural miscarriage. With hindisght, I would have the ERPC again as I don't think I could deal with the constant trips to the hospital, but it is a personal choice based on how you feel.

Sending hugs to you all xxx

abis21

Work went ok yesterday, had quite a lot to do and to focus on, so it went fairly quickly and I did fine positivity wise. My brother dealt with phone calls to our regular supplier as they will know I was off sick and may have asked questions (one of them is quite nosy in a normally nice kind of way - but I was worried they may push me too far). All the customers were unaware of anything at all so it was nice to chat with them.

My mum came home with me after work, as I would normally have my DD on a monday night but she is staying til tomorrow with her dad as its her birthday today and its his 'turn' to spend her birthday with her. So mum was worried I would be a bit flat, and came and kept me company and did some jobs round the house for me as things have been sorely neglected whilst I was pregnant as I was so ill and so tired. Was lovely to have some company, and I'd made some buns for DD's birthday and pottered and was feeling fairly positive - especially as I'd had a major freak out in the morning about returning to work. I'd gotten really anxious about it all.

But then had a rubbish night and rubbish moring with DH so now I am feeling really low and struggling

He worked late last night, only by half an hour, but I was expecting him home for a cuddle, and it had been the first time apart since the bad news at the scan so I had missed him lots. Then when he came in he was in a bad mood cos there was a noise on his car and we have only just paid £1200 for it fixing in March (the noise is something different and unconnected but he didn't make that clear for ages). So I never got my cuddle. I made tea, and he disappeared off while I was doing that, we ate together, and then he disappeared off into the other room to download stuff on the computer and faf about with files. I asked him what he was doing and how long he would be a couple of times and he kept saying nearly finished, and I told him I was missing him and wanted to see him but he never came. Went to bed, and had words last night about it, but he just doesn't get it. Spoke again this morning and I still don't think he gets it.

He said the baby wasn't real to him I know the emotions differ from women to men, but I'm so hurt and upset by that comment. The baby was real, but it died. That doesn't mean it wasn't there or real in the first place. He said he'd never expected anything at all before the scan. I couldn't help but fall in love with our baby and be so excited about our future and what would happen etc. I'm too much of an optimistic person, so it never really crossed my mind that something was wrong - especially as I was so sick and ill with the pregnancy.

I tried telling him that I need his support more than anyone elses, and that sometimes just sitting next to each other is being supportive. Its so early days - its not even been a week yet. I didn't get a cuddle at all last night even tho I had been so brave in going back to work even tho i found it so hard. Had to pull it out of him how his day was as it was the first time he has had to tell some of his collegues what had happened.

I want to deal with it together - not in seperate rooms. I don't know if I got through to him this morning or not. He still didn't seem to think it was a big deal last night, which maybe it isn't - but i feel like it was.

I feel so much worse today. Don't feel like I am coping well today. Keep crying lots. I feel alone Everything seems negative again. Want my DD for a cuddle and to spend her birthday with her. I want my baby back and to be pregnant again. I don't want to wait for my appt with the molar people, I don't want to be tested for 6+ months and to have to wait to get pregnant again. I don't want to be alone, I want my DH.

Ginger_Poodle

cleofish wrote: »

This is our third pregnancy loss so epu have referred us to a consultant and hopefully we might find out some answers, i understand this doesnt always happens and the epu lady did stress we might come away being told its one of those things.

But just wanted to ask if anyone has been down that road before?
i know its early days and epu lady said it could take up to 12 weeks to have the initial apt anyway but just wanted a heads up on what would happen.

she did tell us we could try again and maybe try aspirin but if we were pregnant again by the time the apt came through for the clinic i wouldnt have any testing as i would be considered pregnant. Again way early days, dont even know if i could try again without any testing or assitance in case it all happened again.

I just cant believe it has happened again and in the same way as it did last time, finding out nearly 3 months down the line. If you add the nearly 3 months i was pregnant this time, nearly 3 months i was pregnant in nov and all the time i spent with the molar and treatment i have spent a hell of a lot of time in the past 5 years either pregnant or recovering from pregnancy things but nothing to show for it at all, it just feels such a waste.

Hello Cleofish. I know you posted this a while ago, but I wanted to respond. After my 3rd, I had a whole set of tests (bloods, scans, internals, etc.) & was told (nicely) that it was just one of those things. Dont know if it is true or not, but I was told that only about 50% of people find a reason for their recurrent misscarriages. That said, the consultant still helped. I was advised to try again when I was ready & call him when I was pregnant. Once I was & they had detected a heartbeat at 6 weeks, I was put on asprin & heparin injections for (almost) the remainder of my pregnancy. I will never know if that was what made the difference or not but happily my 4th pregnancy resulted in my beautiful little girl being born just over 4 years ago. There is no certainty in anything I guess, but at lease we were able to stack the odds a little more in our favour.

Regarding the natural/surgical debate, I have done both. I found natural very traumatic (particularly as I was on a cruise at the time, very bad timing). With surgical, I at least felt in control of things. Still, as others have said, it is a deeply personal decision. Good luck x

lauradora

Oh Abis im so sorry to hear what your going through.

All I can say is im here a lot if you need to chat more :heart2: