Miscarriage support

SusanC_2

I don't think knowing that you *can* get pregnant is any consolation when you lose a baby as you're still left with no baby. But on the other hand at least it does give a bit more hope than I imagine you would have if you never got pregnant at all. And I think the more you lose the harder it is to hold on to that hope - I know for me the first time didn't really make me feel like the prospects of having a baby were lower but after three I felt like it was never going to work out and thatmy first pregnancy was a fluke. On bad days I sometimes think it would have been better to stick with one child as then all of this would never have happened but on good days I think that even if I only ever have one living child, there will be a whole load more for me to meet in heaven one day. And hard as the last couple of years have been, if I actually think about TTC for all that time instead and having disappointment relentlessly month after month I don't think that not getting pregnant would be better or easier.

SusanC_2

Cleofish and saffa, I'm sorry you've had losses so close to your original due date. My third loss was just before my first due date and it kind of got missed with everything that was going on (it was in between the birth and the burial and was also my daughters birthday) and in some ways it hit me more this year when I realised I would have been planning a first birthday.

SusanC_2

cleofish wrote: »

Hi everyone,

thanks for your words and your advice, i decided to stick with the natural course and stay home and not have the op. I telephoned epu and they were really nice the woman said to keep taking pain killers and that i would have some intense period pains when it would pass and i would have a feeling of needing to push? She couldnt say though whether it would come away in one piece or in parts as its.

To be honest I think because so few people choose to do it naturally and because they're not actually there when it happens naturally they are not really very clear on what it can be like. My baby died at 21 weeks and declined induction. I was told that it would be pretty similar to normal labour and that I would have plenty of warning to be able to go to hospital. In actual fact it was so quick that I wouldn't have had time to go to a different room as she pretty much just came out within less than five minutes of my waters breaking. Having read someone else's story online I pretty much expected it to be quick once my waters broke but pretty much every single person we saw in hospital said incredulously, "Did you not have time to get to hospital?" as if it was the most unlikely thing ever.

lauradora

Hi everyone,

just nipping in to say hello. First shift back at work this afternoon,

deep breath...........

Kitten_Pie

Good luck Laura, I hope it is a gentle time for you.

Saffagal

Hope that it went well back at work today Laura and that no one asked how you are; I find that question a real struggle!

Hugs to all who're needing them today. It's at times like this that I wish I lived nearer my mom as I could sure use a hug from her!

I've been lucky to have had no physical pain, apart from at 4am this morning which some painkillers soon sorted, so spent the day keeping busy. We're renovating our house at the moment having recently bought it (last miscarriage I coped by packing up our old house in preparation to move) - we'd started on the room that, one day, will be our nursery 2 weeks ago and today carried on fitting the coving and sanding the walls ready for painting before I mowed the lawn. I figure the more I keep moving it will help my body finish what it started...

In some ways I'm almost glad that I've had a straight forward miscarriage this time as I think I'd have found it harder had my body not recognised it again - does that make sense to anyone?

Trying to stay positive; I'm lucky I've DH - he's being my rock, once again.

lauradora

Yes saff it makes a lot of sense.... My first 2 mcs were spontaneous and were a lot easier than this one that was a missed mc...that was torturous.

work was a bit rubbish, the people were ok but being at work was a drag....found it too hard to cope with really. Nothing inparticular just day to day stuff really got me down. Managed to get an early finish sunday and home for the day now...luckily I've got two more days off from now but then back to the grind on Thursday.....

lauradora

AND im the same Saff, couldnt have kept it up without the support of DH, he was amazing :heart2:

abis21

Cleofish - in a way, knowing I was able to get pregnant with DH was a comfort to me. I know a lot of people don't like to be told 'at least you know you can get pregnant' but I do think about this and worry a little less about being able to get pregnant in the future. Its the hardest and saddest thing I have ever had to go through, losing our baby, but I think never being able to get pregnant would be more draining emotionally as its just a constant slog every month trying to BD at the right time - trying to 'enjoy' TTC BDing, the 2ww, the rollercoaster of emotions etc etc. I think it must be awful to never get the elusive BFP.

I love the idea from Skintchick that our babies are in heaven waiting for us, it made me cry the other day when I read it.

Saffagal, must be hard for you living away from your mum, hope you are able to ring her and get your hug soon. I find the 'how are you' question really awful too. I don't know why - its such an innocent question, but sometimes I find myself really tearful when I get asked...

Lauradora, glad you have 2 days off now to look forward to and that you have gotten the first days back bit out the way. The weather is meant to be lovely this week, so hopefully you can do something nice with your days off.

AFM, I'm really struggling at times at the moment. Had DD's kids party on saturday at the playcentre, and that all went fine. But then had all the family coming round on sunday to celebrate her birthday and I massively struggled. As in locked myself in my bedroom sobbing for a couple of hours Then this morning I was really bad again. Nearly didn't make it in to work cos I just couldn't face getting motivated.

Am so clingy for DH at the moment. I just want to be next to him and be cuddling him. If something small doesn't go right, then it seems to really upset me and I don't seem to be able to cope.

Was doing really well and trying to be positive about everything, but at the moment everything seems to be negative and much more of a struggle DD goes back to her dads on wednesday and I'm dreading it. At least I have to get up now and do the school run etc. Have tried planning in some little things to give me bits to look forward to - but I just can't get out of the negative attitude at the minute.

Am dreading my appt with the consultant next tuesday. I am fairly sure that they will just confirm the molar pregnancy and refer me - so I don't know why I am dreading it so much. Maybe just because it will be more 'real' then.

My DD said the other day that she thought the midwife had made a mistake and the baby was ok, and that keeps running through my head and upsetting me all over again. Had to explain that there was no mistake and mummy definately didn't have a baby in my tummy. I so wish I did still have my baby tho

Saffagal

Laura, glad you've some more me time but also that you've managed the first step back into your normality again as often that is the hardest.

Abi, hope that you're having a good day with DD today - hopefully the sun is shining where you are which can make a world of difference. When I had my last miscarriage whilst I was testing waiting (praying) for a bfn, a friend of mine suggested that maybe the reason it was taking so long was because I was still pregnant and they'd made a mistake - after 2 scans confirming baby had died and an erpc!!! I don't think so. I'd have given anything for her to be right but her saying it just made me feel worse. Big hugs and actually, if you need to sob, do it. Some days will be easier than others and some silly almost irrelevant things may set you off but that's ok. Each day do "normal" and it will all get easier.

Skintchick, I agree - our babies are angels in heaven looking out for us and waiting for when we'll join them. I think knowing that my two are now together makes the pain slightly easier to bear.

Cleo, I'd hate to have to choose but with what I do know, the first bfp I got I was over the moon, so happy and excited as being a mom is something I've wanted to be for years. This time it just scared me as I knew what could happen, and did. I think I'd rather be able to fall and lose than not be able to fall; but that is what I know.

Afm, seems crazy but I'm coping by decorating the room that will one day be our nursery. I have tears whilst I paint but its also helping me keep faith that one day, one day it will be my turn to bring my baby home. xx